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One day before his 58th birthday, he left me. We had been married 31 and a half years. He had liver disease (from drinking), then cancer. I thought I was prepared for his death, because for the last year and a half before his death, he went from okay to soon to be dying. A couple of weeks before his death, I asked what he wanted for end of life. He said cremated, scattered ashes on a road chosen by him, no memorial. I knew my MIL and SIL, whom I love deeply, would want a memorial, so I arranged one - despite his request to not do it.
During the process of arranging the memorial, I created a slideshow of his pictures throughout his life, with music accompanying the slideshow. Since I knew he was dying, and had been for a year and a half, I had time to prepare for his death. But when creating the slideshow, I lost it. I had been okay before that. But, during the slideshow creation for his memorial, something happened, and I fell in love with him all over again, just like I did 33 years ago. I always loved him throughout our years together, but creating that video...it was like I fell in love with him all over again. And, I fell hard. You know when you've been with the same person for over half your life, and you get comfortable with them? Looking at those pictures...it's almost like he was just a dream that i never had in real life. But, we were together for 33 years.
When he began to get bad, and needed walking assistance, I used to put his walker or scooter, or wheelchair in our little car. For our outings that he could go on. He enjoyed those immensely. When he got really bad, and needed more than one walking assistance item, I decided to get an SUV with a hatch, in order to haul all that he needed. He was very excited about the SUV. and enjoyed looking at the pictures online. I got the SUV the second day he was in the hospital. He was in the hospital 11 days before he died, He never even got to ride in the SUV while he was still alive. I took his ashes from Vegas home in the new SUV. So, now, I'm driving a giant SUV without him as a passenger. By myself.
I am so in love with him all over again, and I miss him so much. During his drinking days (20 years of our 30+ years of marriage) I didn't like him sometimes, but I never stopped loving him. And, right now, I feel like he's a dream companion I never met.
Thanks for the wonderful life story. Alcoholism is not a pleasant thing to live with. As you know so well.
Loving someone is such a fine gift. To love and be loved, that's a big part of The Good Life.
And then...someone dies first. He died first, OP picks up the pieces, cherishes the memories, makes the memorial, and goes on one day at a time.
I'm sorry for your loss, Chaindrive. I hope that your husband had a good death, as we called it in hospice. Everybody dies. Somebody dies first. Those of us left here on earth talk about it, and about life.
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