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At my DH's last VA hospital stay, he was so sick. The social workers and others wsnted him to go to a nursing home, gave me a list. Checked them out online...ugh. Most of the comments... they sounded pretty bad! Finally told them no. I wanted him to come home with hospice, but they kept pointing out that maybe I might not be able to care for him. So he stayed too long, then I finally agreed to CLC hospice for the end.He was not communicating any more, had morphine drip.He died soon after.
At my DH's last VA hospital stay, he was so sick. The social workers and others wsnted him to go to a nursing home, gave me a list. Checked them out online...ugh. Most of the comments... they sounded pretty bad! Finally told them no. I wanted him to come home with hospice, but they kept pointing out that maybe I might not be able to care for him. So he stayed too long, then I finally agreed to CLC hospice for the end.He was not communicating any more, had morphine drip.He died soon after.
I am so sorry for the loss of your dear husband. May he rest in peace.
Feel free to come here to post. That's what this forum is for, and I found some kind, helpful people here.
It's hard to accept "the end." I feel your pain. I am very sorry to hear this. But, we all go through death of loved ones in life. It's always been this way. That may be of no comfort to you, but it's very natural for things like this to happen, no matter how much we fight against them. If we live long enough, we all will experience loss, unless we're a Buddhist monk/yogi in the middle of the forest. LOL.
Sometimes, the end comes fast (more often than not). It is still shocking, even when you know the person can never get better, or go back to their old self.
My mother was going downhill after her stroke, and we knew she wasn't going to live into her 80s. She made it almost 2 years after her stroke, which was really impressive considered how mentally disturbed and miserable she was. She was just waiting for something to happen to her to die. Seriously. She suddenly got sepsis after heavy antibiotic usage and died a few days later. So fast... It was for the best in the end. Her life was over. Staying alive another 10 years or so would have been silly for her, as it would have been nothing but suffering.
She was in a good health all of her life, save asthma and arthritis. But she got an autoimmune blood disease (caused no pain) that led to a brain bleed stroke around 70 years-old. She lasted almost two years, despite making a great physical recovery. Her mind deteriorated over time, but they said she didn't have any dementia: it was a combination of damage from the stroke + PTSD (that's what they said).
The sun will shine for you again some day. Again, it's very hard to feel what you're feeling. So sorry. I feel it, too. It's only been 8 months since my mother died.
I'm sorry for your loss. It's never easy. This tickles my memory of the discussions here at C-D, quick death or slow death. Which is preferable?
We don't get to choose, obviously, but there's something to be said for quick. My mother lived to 95 and she did NOT enjoy those last 10 years. "Heart attack, friend of the elderly," she said from time to time. Or perhaps friend of the deathly terminally painfully ill as well.
I hope you have some solid support nearby. I've run a lot of grief groups and been in a lot of them over the years, they can be very helpful and healing if you can find the right one.
Again, sorry for your pain and loss. Someone dies first, and here you are. Your grief should resolve to some degree over time. I hope your husband was not in pain.
This is life. That's not exactly a deep thought, but it's what we all get to go through. I was thinking about this today. What does it all mean. Why are there cruel people, monsters? Why are there good, kind people? Why do so many innocent animals suffer before they die or are killed?
We live. We love. Someone dies. We move on, until it's our turn to take the voyage.
The thing was...he had been disabled and ill to various degrees for more than two decades. Started with a "simple" gall bladder operatipn that left him in bad shape. Surgeon cut artery to half his liver, then it was later found that there were abscesses in his liver, then sepsis, which he barely survived, then another operation when he got healthy enough to survive it, they removed part of his liver. One doctor called it a train wreck. There were so few good times during the following two decades. Cancer of the Prostate and a heart condition finished him off. It had gotten to stage 4 before they diagnosed it. Now I feel like some people just expect me to get over it. I don't even know what that means.
. Now I feel like some people just expect me to get over it. I don't even know what that means.
Join the crowd - I have no idea what it means, either.
I took care of my mother for almost 2 years after her stroke. She recovered well physically, but she lost her mind over time. My father and I almost lost our minds taking care of her. I look back at it and think, "What was that all for"? My mother ended up getting sepsis and died a few days later. She had no life, but still...
I don't have any words for all that you've been through, friend. It was a very, very long journey for you. I don't know how you survived it all. Just terrible.
If you want to talk, I'm always here. You can say whatever. I feel so lost since my mother is no longer here with me. It so hard.
Take good care of yourself.
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