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Nothing new to report; they got some test results that confirmed that there was nothing in his brain. Somehow my mom thought it had spread to his brain.
Some other test(s) got rescheduled for next week.
They've gone out of the way to avoid interaction with my brother and the few friends they have. Apparently they planning on staying private/insular on this.
Keep the lines of communication open. Ask questions, as maybe you might be the executor of the will, make sure your mother knows how to take care of the money and the bills if she’s never done it before.
I was cross country with my mom was ill with cancer. My sister was handling the basic stuff. But I called my mother every day at 5 PM. Because that was 8 o’clock her time, and she was very tired and would go to bed around nine. my other sister would call her at around 11 in the morning. My mother had been very clear about who was responsible for what after she died, and my sister was extremely good at delegating. There were things that she didn’t understand and I got to help her with some of that stuff. There was money she didn’t even know about but I did.
Spoke directly with my dad yesterday; I was a little surprised he picked up.
His spirits seem good. The cancer is, for sure, in his kidneys. They have an appointment tomorrow to talk about immunotherapy.
He's adamant that he will not do any type of surgery or chemo. Many references to "I'm 80 now" and his inability to recover from surgery.
They live in an old person's community, and he sees a lot of peers get surgery in their 80s and 90s and Not Recover Very Well.
I don't know much about immunotherapy. It might help for a while. It depends on a lot of factors: his overall health, will to live, etc. But, it's true, being in your 80s and getting strong medicines is usually not a good combination. Surgeries can be an ok option for a minority of healthier elderly people. It's all up to the person to make that decision for himself.
I knew a story of a woman whose very healthy father of 86 years went to an outpatient surgery center for "simple" knee surgery, which wasn't even necessary. He died the next day from sepsis. There are real significant risks to elderly people getting surgeries.
My mother was in her early 70s and already saying, "I'm an old lady now...I'm in my 70s." She had a stroke caused by an autoimmune blood disease. We opted for no more treatments for her, other than supportive care. Why? Because her mind/emotional state was gone after the stroke. Yes, she still had remnants of her old self, and she had no real physical pain from her disease, but there was no reason for more treatment: Her life was pretty much over after the stroke. And we knew she would have refused to go to a hospital for 10 days or more, etc. No reason to put someone through a 10-day stay in a hospital with only 30-40% of getting better from the blood disease. Not only that - the treatment was likely to have very serious side effects, making her life already more miserable. She only had mental anguish - no need for physical pain and suffering. Also, let's remember that going into remission from her autoimmune condition would have not made her any happier, because the stroke did her in. After the stroke, it was "game over."
I do wish the best for your father. Take care of yourself. It's hard watching one of your parents decline from bad health. It's okay to feel all kinds of emotions. It's unsettling, even if you're not real close to a parent. Let us know how things evolve.
Treatment continues; it allows him to leave the house which should help with his morale. Having a shunt/port in his shoulder CANNOT be a pleasant situation.
Communication has been........interesting. Mom won't respond to emails reliably, but does pick up when I call. She mostly wants to talk about my life, which I interpret as she's just looking for a respite from talking about Dad.
Treatment continues; it allows him to leave the house which should help with his morale. Having a shunt/port in his shoulder CANNOT be a pleasant situation.
Communication has been........interesting. Mom won't respond to emails reliably, but does pick up when I call. She mostly wants to talk about my life, which I interpret as she's just looking for a respite from talking about Dad.
Thanks for keeping us posted.
Your mother is probably trying to process everything that has happened. It is a lot, and she is older as well, so...
Is your father going to do chemotherapy then? I assume so if he's getting a port put in.
Treatment continues. It's expensive; $64k per treatment. There's apparently a grant program that covers the treatments. My parents qualified.
Dad is a lot more mobile, able to get out of the house, etc.
Doctors recommend/insist that Dad drink "lots" of water as this will help the kidneys do their thing. He refuses; mom's been up his a## about it but he's refusing. Doctors also say that drinking alcohol is ok, not great, but to absolutely not drink red wine, which dad continues to do.
Treatment continues. It's expensive; $64k per treatment. There's apparently a grant program that covers the treatments. My parents qualified.
Dad is a lot more mobile, able to get out of the house, etc.
Doctors recommend/insist that Dad drink "lots" of water as this will help the kidneys do their thing. He refuses; mom's been up his a## about it but he's refusing. Doctors also say that drinking alcohol is ok, not great, but to absolutely not drink red wine, which dad continues to do.
Thank you for the update.
Is your father getting chemo and radiation, or immunotherapy?
He shouldn't be drinking red wine, but he thinks he's 80, and so he'll do what he wants. It's the way it is. You cannot control others.
Take good care of yourself.
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Solly says — Be nice!
