step-grandparent not feeling the love (parents, old, child, children)

[cyrano]

23 years ago, I married a woman (we're still married) who, at the time, had boys aged 8 and 14. She shared custody with their father, who lived two blocks away. I had a kind of parent-nonparent relationship with the boys, acting as a resource for their issues (for instance, I taught them both how to drive because their parents were too high-strung and hypercritical, just who they were and are) and a support when appropriate. We all thought it was an appropriate place for me and I enjoyed doing it.

The older boy is now a father himself, has two 6 year old twin boys. They're like their parents...active, athletic, outgoing. Well, I'm cerebral and introverted and never liked playing sports or, for that matter, competitive games against other people. I'll go along with their wishes to play games and sports with them but it's really hard to feign an interest in doing so.

I'm not a believer per se in genetics equaling destiny but the more time I spend with them, the more distant I feel from them. It gets to where it's more of a(nother) chore to be performed to spend time with them and I'm getting tired of pretending otherwise.

Anyone else in a similar boat? Or do you think I'm sort of monster for going through the motions and not feeling the love?

[Spuggy]

Perhaps everyone takes your role for granted and since you’ve catered to that they don’t make an effort to find a way to nurture their children's interests beyond the ones they expect from you.

We have found it helps to carve out unique activities to do with our grandchildren and they are at the point they like being here to visit because they play with toys and do art projects that are unique to nana and granddad house.