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No, I do not mean a child sized backpack containing a bomb. Rather adult children who withhold the Grandchildren from the Grandparents unless the Grandparents do exactly what the 'adult' children demand of them.
Enslavement is an applicable term for the demands or expectations received by some Grandparents.
You need to give some examples, because we have no idea what you are talking about or whether your expectations (or your children's expectations) are reasonable.
I did not let my mother-in-law babysit my children when they were infants because she was completely unable to follow even my most basic instructions, like "don't wake her up early from her nap" or "don't give him any solids." As far as she was concerned, if they were in her care, she could do whatever she liked.
Of course, she thought I was a rigid tyrant who was withholding her grandchildren.
I can't imagine not letting a grandparent babysit unless the grandparent was mentally ill or dangerous in some way. Parents that do this will likely regret it one day when their children don't have a good grandparent relationship.
Grandparents should be able to spoil their grandkids and if 'waking them from a nap' is a deal breaker for you that is just sad IMO. I use to wake my own kids from a nap if I wanted to play with them and it doesn't seem to have harmed them.
I think grandparents should generally do what the parents ask but the grandparents have done this before and they should be given leeway.
Last edited by Charlotteborn; 03-11-2021 at 08:15 PM..
No, I do not mean a child sized backpack containing a bomb. Rather adult children who withhold the Grandchildren from the Grandparents unless the Grandparents do exactly what the 'adult' children demand of them.
Enslavement is an applicable term for the demands or expectations received by some Grandparents.
I agree with saibot that you need to give some examples. Otherwise your post just leads to a lot of pointless speculations.
But the drift I get from your above post is that you're ticked off because your adult children won't let you see your grandchildren because they disapprove of something you have done or want to do with or in the presence of the grandchildren against the expressed wishes of your adult children. So if that is true ..... what was it you did or want to do with the grandchildren that your adult children disapprove of?
When/if you were a parent with young children of your own, did you/would you ever withhold your children from grandparents under certain circumstances? Or did you always let your own parents/in-laws do whatever they pleased whenever they pleased with or to your young children?
I think the OP is referring to the grandchildren being used as a "bargaining chip".
The son or daughter wants to borrow some money. Grandparents say no. Son or daughter withholds the children until the grandparents "fall in line".
Son or daughter want grandparents to babysit children five days a week for free. Grandparents aren't willing to do it that much. Son or daughter withholds grandchildren completely.
Grandparents won't babysit "on demand", can't ever have the grandkids when they ask for them or is never invited to birthday parties, graduations, etc.
Believe me, as a grandmother, I have seen this happen many times. Grandkids are excellent "bargaining chips".
I think the OP is referring to the grandchildren being used as a "bargaining chip".
The son or daughter wants to borrow some money. Grandparents say no. Son or daughter withholds the children until the grandparents "fall in line".
Son or daughter want grandparents to babysit children five days a week for free. Grandparents aren't willing to do it that much. Son or daughter withholds grandchildren completely.
Grandparents won't babysit "on demand", can't ever have the grandkids when they ask for them or is never invited to birthday parties, graduations, etc.
Believe me, as a grandmother, I have seen this happen many times. Grandkids are excellent "bargaining chips".
All of these things would make me come down on the side of the grandparents. I won't let you see your grandchild unless you give me money or babysit full-time for free? That's ridiculous.
On the other hand, Grandma waking up my sleeping baby so she could play with him, which meant he screamed all afternoon after I took him home, finally took a very late nap, and then was up all night, was not OK. Giving my exclusively breastfed 3-month-old bananas because the doctor told her to give her 3-month-old bananas thirty years ago was also not OK. I don't think I was being especially difficult or unreasonable by asking her not to do these things, and when she persisted in doing her own thing, stopping letting her babysit small infants.
We had lots of supervised visits until they were older. By the way, my kids had and still have a wonderful relationship with their grandmother. She is a very nice person, she just had a hard time accepting that she was not their mom, and that times have changed. We don't wrap a belly band around newborns to protect their naval any more. She was quite annoyed with me when I refused to do that.
I think the OP is referring to the grandchildren being used as a "bargaining chip".
The son or daughter wants to borrow some money. Grandparents say no. Son or daughter withholds the children until the grandparents "fall in line".
Son or daughter want grandparents to babysit children five days a week for free. Grandparents aren't willing to do it that much. Son or daughter withholds grandchildren completely.
Grandparents won't babysit "on demand", can't ever have the grandkids when they ask for them or is never invited to birthday parties, graduations, etc.
Believe me, as a grandmother, I have seen this happen many times. Grandkids are excellent "bargaining chips".
BINGO!
Other than the loan example, all have happened to us or my Sister.
I can't imagine not letting a grandparent babysit unless the grandparent was mentally ill or dangerous in some way. Parents that do this will likely regret it one day when their children don't have a good grandparent relationship.
Grandparents should be able to spoil their grandkids and if 'waking them from a nap' is a deal breaker for you that is just sad IMO. I use to wake my own kids from a nap if I wanted to play with them and it doesn't seem to have harmed them.
I think grandparents should generally do what the parents ask but the grandparents have done this before and they should be given leeway.
As a mom and grandma, I just think this is so weird. You woke your own kids up to play with them? Bizarre.
I can't imagine not letting a grandparent babysit unless the grandparent was mentally ill or dangerous in some way. Parents that do this will likely regret it one day when their children don't have a good grandparent relationship.
Grandparents should be able to spoil their grandkids and if 'waking them from a nap' is a deal breaker for you that is just sad IMO. I use to wake my own kids from a nap if I wanted to play with them and it doesn't seem to have harmed them.
I think grandparents should generally do what the parents ask but the grandparents have done this before and they should be given leeway.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness
As a mom and grandma, I just think this is so weird. You woke your own kids up to play with them? Bizarre.
Another mom and grandma here, I can't imagine waking young children up from their nap to play with them.
No, I do not mean a child sized backpack containing a bomb. Rather adult children who withhold the Grandchildren from the Grandparents unless the Grandparents do exactly what the 'adult' children demand of them.
Enslavement is an applicable term for the demands or expectations received by some Grandparents.
Many grandparents actually hold the upper hand. I've known people, whose parents were cut out of their own parents' wills, so inheritances skipped a generation, and went to the grandchildren. You're not entirely without recourse if your adult children try to bully you.
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