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My wife and I moved to be near our grandchildren (3 & 2) last year, and we live immediately next door to our daughter and son in law. We cashed out our 401K and fully paid for our house.
At first it was wonderful getting to play with my grandchildren everyday, especially after the factory I was working at closed due to Covid. I am still four years from retirements so I needed to find another job.
Over the past 9 months of my unemployment the relationship between my wife and daughter has seriously eroded. Its the classic mother - daughter fights. Both are battling to Mother-hen and both are stubborn! My only dog in this fight is that I have an sad and upset wife, as I have no issue with ignoring my daughter's comments. (I can take or leave my son-in-law!)
I finally located a job, however requires that we move out of state. Its a great job in a wonderful small mountain town. So for the past few weeks we have been preparing for the move and change of life. There have been tons of soul searching and tearful nights knowing we were moving away, but we chose to see it as a paid reset for the mother-daughter relationship for four years, then we would move back. My start date for the new job was in one week.
Then yesterday, out of the blue, my old employer called me and asked if I start back in my old job on Monday. The issue is I really disliked my old job and bosses and I was already looking for a new job before the company shut down.
Now I must decide do I move and take the new job and let the next four years be our last adventure and hope the mother-daughter relationship matures and resets with the four year absence or go back to a job that is tenuous and I already know will be stressful but allow us to still be in close contact to our grandchildren?
Move. You don't like your old job. It will also probably help improve the relationship between your wife and daughter if there is some distance between them. Some families can live next to each other in harmony, some can't.
It will probably also be better for your daughter's marriage, because if she's not getting along with your wife it probably gets carried over to your SIL. It seems your daughter wants to parent in her own style and your wife can't let go of feeling the need for it be done her way.
Just go for it! It sounds like a wonderful opportunity.
did you ever talk to your daughter about moving next door to them. Love my kids, love my grandkids, but I wouldn't want to live next door to them and would figure they don't want to live next door to me
Move. You don't like your old job. It will also probably help improve the relationship between your wife and daughter if there is some distance between them. Some families can live next to each other in harmony, some can't.
It will probably also be better for your daughter's marriage, because if she's not getting along with your wife it probably gets carried over to your SIL. It seems your daughter wants to parent in her own style and your wife can't let go of feeling the need for it be done her way.
Just go for it! It sounds like a wonderful opportunity.
Agree. Take the fresh opportunity. A change in perspective that may be healthy for all. You know what they say about hearts and distance. Seems like a win-win to me. Yes, an upheaval, some temporary stress, but not a nightmare.
did you ever talk to your daughter about moving next door to them. Love my kids, love my grandkids, but I wouldn't want to live next door to them and would figure they don't want to live next door to me
Yep it was their idea. They hated where they lived in the city, and wanted to move to the country. So we pooled our monies and bought acreage that had two homes on it. They moved into the "big" house and we moved into the smaller home. They still owe a note on the big house and ours is paid off. They are separated by about 30 yards! Initially it was great due to the closeness and the grandchildren's ages. But that quickly turned to poop. Now the only way to sell and relocate locally would be to sell the entire set! (what a cluster)
Everybody didn't Love Raymond. Next door seems way too close.
Move - see what you want to do when you retire. A lot can change in a short period of time. Look at 2020. From Christmas 2019 to now - who could have predicted.
You can't step backward into a past that you already despised, you can't remain in a living nightmare of your wife and daughter's own creation, you can only move forward into a hopefully more peaceful life and new adventures for the future. Your daughter doesn't need you there and your wife and daughter will work out their differences between themselves when the grandchildren are older and more independent. Take the job in the mountain town and you and your wife get on with your own lives and your own future together.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, I've heard, I'd say move, enjoy less stress and let nature take its course. Time has a way of ironing things out. Best wishes.
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