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I am a boomer and no helicopter parenting for me. I didn’t tell my parents what to do when they watched the kids. They mostly followed the routine with more treats, etc. If I had grandchildren I would do the same as them. I wouldn’t want my kids to micromanage me.
The other influence is pediatrician visits. Growing up, I don't recall any "wellness" visits; only those necessitated by a serious illness.
The "rules" I gave my MIL were a result of those visits and were met with minor disagreements-- remedies for teething, when to start solid food, toilet training, etc. I relied on my daughter's pediatrician more so than my mother did for advice.
Just for my information, what on earth do working parents in the US do with the kids in school vacations, especially with the summer vacation being so long and parents leave so short? It is a nightmare here even with people getting four weeks annual leave and the kids usually having six weeks summer vacation and three shorter breaks.
Among our general social circle, these are the most common arrangements (in order of most common):
1. One parent is a school teacher and has summers off
2. Grandparents watch the kids all summer
3. A combination of taking vacation time off from work, and day camp (which is quite costly). This is us. My husband and I both take off 2 weeks (not at the same time) and then the other 6 weeks, we pay through the nose ($375/week per kid ) for day camp. There *are* some cheaper programs, but they are sporadic and only 1/2 day, and are intended to give at-home parents some respite; not full-time care all summer.
We knew going in that neither set of grandparents were interested in being caregivers, and that is fine. My grandmother got shouldered with the burden of practically raising my siblings and me, and I hated it because we didn't get to have the relationship with her that my cousins got to; it wasn't fair to her or to us.
My inlaws and and my mother have babysit maybe a handful of times in our children's lives and for the most part it has been fine. In the beginning there was a little bit of undermining, mainly because my mother-in-law is the type were the way she did things is the only right way, but my father-in-law would step in and reminder her that we're the parents and we know our children best. And both grandmas get their nose out of joint because the kids don't them over me , but otherwise it's fine. I don't micromanage their interactions, and they are free to spoil the hell out the kids. It's my turn to be the mean one.
Last edited by Ginge McFantaPants; 05-20-2019 at 09:38 AM..
Boomer grandparents... I'm not sure why they're all being put in the same basket. Wouldn't the answer to the OP's question depend on the individual Boomers? Some aren't interested in grandkids, much. Others are. Blanket questions like this mystify me.
I interpreted the OP's question as a generational/cultural one (Boomer generation grandparents compared to how our parents generation generally behaved, and/or our grandparents did.)
Some people view our (Boomer) generation as having a stronger sense of entitlement compared to the previous two, or more likely to have been helicopter parents and thus "helicopter grandparents" as well. I think there is a degree of truth to that; our generation upended a lot of previous societal norms, most of them in a positive way (how women are regarded, for example.)
I interpreted the OP's question as a generational/cultural one (Boomer generation grandparents compared to how our parents generation generally behaved, and/or our grandparents did.)
Some people view our (Boomer) generation as having a stronger sense of entitlement compared to the previous two, or more likely to have been helicopter parents and thus "helicopter grandparents" as well. I think there is a degree of truth to that; our generation upended a lot of previous societal norms, most of them in a positive way (how women are regarded, for example.)
I haven't seen helicoptering among the Boomers, much. I thought it was Gen X, that went in for that more. Most Boomers I know don't have grandkids yet, anyway. Their kids are Millennials, and haven't started to have kids yet. A lot of Boomers had kids relatively late in life, I guess. Boomers were also the first generation to feel the freedom to choose to not have kids, too. I know several child-free Boomers, and Boomer couples.
Funny but I had my child late in life too (at 35) and it was interesting to see that my son and DIL's friends all got married between the ages of 28 and 32, and almost all of them have had their first or second child between age 30 and 34. One couple went for in vitro because the husband was facing cancer treatment, and had twins at age 32 as a result. But all the others seem to be slotting first (or only) child in to that 30-34 timeframe.
IMHO the delay is partly because they wanted to get more set in their careers first (thus waiting until late 20s to marry) but also are aware that the risk of Down's Syndrome rises once the mother reaches age 35. I got pregnant at age 34 so was on the cusp of whether or not to have the amnio done but was told that if I was a year or more older it would have been recommended for sure.
I do see far more one- and two-child family plans in my son's generation than in ours though. I think that our generation still retained the mindset that it's "better for a child to have siblings" (thankfully my parents never bought into that; I loved being an only child) whereas our kids don't. Or perhaps it's purely a matter of changed economics -- cost of college and all that. And the cost of living in our area is quite high.
I'd say the ratio of my Boomer friends re: grandkids is 50/50 have/have not. Interestingly, they all did have at least one child of their own. Trying to think of any who remained child-free and can't.
I haven't seen helicoptering among the Boomers, much. I thought it was Gen X, that went in for that more. Most Boomers I know don't have grandkids yet, anyway. Their kids are Millennials, and haven't started to have kids yet. A lot of Boomers had kids relatively late in life, I guess. Boomers were also the first generation to feel the freedom to choose to not have kids, too. I know several child-free Boomers, and Boomer couples.
My siblings and I range from some of the first Boomers to the last Boomers. While our youngest sibling does not have grandchildren yet our oldest sibling has grandchildren that are already college graduates. The rest of us are in the middle. None of us are. or were, helicopter grandparents.
My ex was a helicopter parent in that he was ridiculously fixated on where our son went to school. He was convinced that the only way to be successful in life is to go to "all the right schools" ... private primary school in order to get into the "right" prep school in order to get into the "right" (Ivy League) college and then the "best" grad school from which the "best" employers choose. So he insisted on sending him to a pricey private school from pre-K onward, which my son hated. Eventually things got so bad that he agreed to let him go to public school instead but after that, the pressure was to have him take all the "right" subjects and be involved in "all the right things" at and after school. Any grade less than a B was deemed unacceptable and if he didn't get an A, his father would want to know "why."
We split when our son was almost 14 and my ex died when son was still in high school. The "right college" nonsense had kicked into high gear by the time he was a sophomore and was one factor of several in why we split up. The first thing I did after his father died was to tell my son he could go to whatever college he wanted, and major in whatever he wanted. I honestly never even asked about his grades. He got his BA, got himself a job in the banking industry, and is doing quite well. I'm sure not as "well" as his father wanted, but my son is content and that's all that counts.
Whether he or DIL will be helicopter parents, I don't know. Based on his dad's actions I doubt he will. Hope not, at least, for my GD's sake, lol
My ex was a helicopter parent in that he was ridiculously fixated on where our son went to school. He was convinced that the only way to be successful in life is to go to "all the right schools" ... primary school in order to get into the "right" prep school in order to get into the "right" (Ivy League) college and then the "best" grad school. So he insisted on sending him to a pricey private school from pre-K onward, which my son hated. Eventually things got so bad that he agreed to let him go to public school instead but after that, the pressure was to have him take all the "right" subjects and be involved in "all the right things" at and after school. Any grade less than a B was deemed unacceptable and if he didn't get an A, his father would want to know "why."
We split when our son was 14 and my ex died when son was still in high school. The "right college" nonsense had kicked into high gear by the time he was a sophomore and was one factor of several in why we split up. The first thing I did after his father died was to tell my son he could go to whatever college he wanted, and major in whatever he wanted. I honestly never even asked about his grades. He got his BA, got himself a job in the banking industry, and is doing quite well. I'm sure not as "well" as his father wanted, but my son is content and that's all that counts.
Whether he or DIL will be helicopter parents, I don't know. Based on his dad's actions I doubt he will. Hope not, at least, for my GD's sake, lol
I recognize this syndrome. That was definitely a thing in a certain era (or two), and a certain socio-economic class, in my observation. There were kids, who were sent to stiflingly straight-laced, regimented private schools by parents, who valued college-prep above all else, including--above their kids' happiness. Quite a contrast to later generations, when, if kids were unhappy with their school, parents not only would switch them to another, they'd move across town to a different school district, if necessary.
It seems like society has become more child-centric over generations, compared to, say, back in the Victorian era, when children were supposed to be "seen and not heard", and life revolved around the parents' needs and preferences, and "wisdom". Is helicopter parenting, and now, "lawn mower" parenting (or whatever they call it: snow-plow parenting or whatever) the ultimate extreme of adults organizing their lives around their kids? Is this a good thing, a bad thing, or a good thing taken to a dysfunctional extreme?
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) for day camp. There *are* some cheaper programs, but they are sporadic and only 1/2 day, and are intended to give at-home parents some respite; not full-time care all summer. 
, but otherwise it's fine. I don't micromanage their interactions, and they are free to spoil the hell out the kids. It's my turn to be the mean one.
