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"Yo mama's so old and fat that when God said "Let there be Light", he told her to move her fat ass out of the way."
"Yo mama's so old, when God said "Let there be light" she was there to flick the switch."
"Yo momma so fat God couldn't light Earth till she moved!"
"Yo momma so fat she was mistaken for God's bowling ball!"
"Yo mama's so fat, she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us!"
10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.
9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.
6. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.
5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer.
4. You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer.
3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.
2. You can prove you have a Beer. 1. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice,
"Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I can't dear," she said.
"I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy."
"Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 BC - "Here, eat this root."
1000 BC - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 AD - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 AD - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 AD - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 AD - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"
Here is the LOST CHAPTER IN GENESIS....
Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him,
"What is wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said,
"This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
The rest is history..
Here is the LOST CHAPTER IN GENESIS....
Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him,
"What is wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said,
"This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
The rest is history..
LOL
In the beginning, God created Man.
Then He rested.
Then He created Woman.
An nobody has rested since.
Last edited by effie g-tad; 01-30-2009 at 05:18 AM..
Reason: makep(e)ace
if you ignore all my links then try this song
Kneel to the Cross by Agalloch
YouTube - Agalloch - Kneel to the Cross
Lyrics:
Give us our bread and bury our dead
And kneel to the cross on the wall
Whether burnt at the stake or drunk at the wake
Just kneel to the cross on the wall
We've original sin, but we might just get in
If we beg to the cross on the wall
It's rattle your neighbours and rattle your sabre
But kneel to that cross on the wall.
See the roof fall, hear the bells crash
As flesh and bone turns to ash
Tried to conquer the sun with a Christian frost
The corpses' stench beneath the cross
Anf give them gold and they'll save your soul
And kneel to the cross on the wall
And hail to the boss of the great unwashed
And kneel to the cross on the wall
They wail and weep, the march of the sheep
As they go to the cross on the wall
And it's ever so wrong to dare to be strong
So kneel to the cross on the wall
See the roof fall, hear the bells crash
As flesh and bone turns to ash
Tried to conquer the sun, with a Christian frost
The corpses' stench beneath the cross.
And it's ever so wrong to dare, to be strong
And it's ever so wrong to dare, to be strong
But summer is a-coming and arise! Arise!
But summer is a-coming and arise! Arise!
In the Shadow of Our Pale Companion by Agalloch
YouTube - Agalloch - In the Shadow of Our Pale Companion [1 of 2]
Lyrics:
Through vast valleys I wonder
To the highest peaks
On pathways through a wild forgotten landscape
In search of God, in spite of man
'til the lost forsaken endless. . .
This is where I choose to tread
Fall. . .so shall we fall into the nihil?
The nothingness that we feel in the arms of the pale
In the shadow of the grim companion who walks with us
Here is the landscape
Here is the sun
Here in the balance of the earth
Where is the god?
Has he fallen and abandoned us?
As I'm stalked by the shadow of death's hand
The fire in my heart is forged across the land
Here at the edge of this world
Here I gaze at a pantheon of oak, a citadel of stone
If this grand panorama before me is what you call God. . .
Then God is not dead
I walked down to a river and sat in reflection of what had to be done
An offering of crimson flowed into the water below
A wound of spirit from which it floated and faded away
. . .like every hope I've ever had. . .
. . .like every dream I've ever known. . .
It washed away in a tide of longing, a longing for a better world
From my will, my throat, to the river, and into the sea. . .
. . .wash away. . .
. . .fade away. . .
Here is the landscape
Here is the sun
Here at the edge of the earth
Where is the god?
Has he fallen to ruin?
As I'm stalked by the shadow of death's hand
My heathen pride is scarred across the land
Careful, apparently humor threads get locked down without explanation on this forum. :P Go figure.
I think this thread will be okay as long as we don't talk about the different flavors of the members of the different denominations
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