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I agree, which as I said is one of the reasons my wife and I adopted from overseas. We've told our kids that if they want to explore their roots, we'll help in whatever way we can. They've both said that if they do choose to search (they haven't decided if they want to or not), they'd like us to go to Korea with them (for moral support if nothing else), and we've said we'd be happy to do so. But until they're adults, we're not doing any searching. They have one set of parents (i.e. us); they don't need any potential pot-stirrers trying (either consciously or not) to undermine our parental role while they are still minors under our care.
We've also warned them to be prepared for the possibility that their birth parents might not want to have any contact with them. Real life isn't always like a Hallmark movie.
There are more scenarios where things can go badly wrong than where they are dreamlike. First of all the birth parents may incredibly dysfunctional, maybe addicts or criminals. They are certainly unlikely to be role models. The adoptee may be quite disillusioned.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hollytree
It's not all about the adoptive parent. It's about an adopted human being wanting to know who they are and where they came from. Their rights, if they wish to know, should never be arbitrarily abrogated.
And let's not pretend that abortion rights have anything to do with this.
What if the child was taken away by force or dubious means? The adoptee may wind up with his life being torn apart. Why is there such a movement to stir the pot and disrupt systems that work? Do the engineers of a perfect society really need to rip everything to pieces? They’ve already done quite a number on adolescents with gender.
Do societal experiments really need to rip everything asunder? I say, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
Given that I had my mother's exact shade of red ...
No little jgb's out there somewhere? You sure?
I have to admit that just before I spit in the tube I thought for a few minutes about the 1970's
and what I had been getting into back then.
Quote:
I am opposed to "reforms" that disrupt rather than improve...
Not quite: You are opposed to reforms that you believe disrupt rather than improve...
But as someone with no skin in the game on the topic (the key point in all of this)...
your preferences, your views, will count the least. That's all.
Yes, even though I tell people I had up to twenty of those. My older son has my mother's red hair.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrRational
I have to admit that just before I spit in the tube I thought for a few minutes about the 1970's
and what I had been getting into back then.
Not quite: You are opposed to reforms that you believe disrupt rather than improve...
But as someone with no skin in the game on the topic (the key point in all of this)...
your preferences, your views, will count the least. That's all.
If you look across my posts on CD I am always in favor of thought before action. As you learn in Junior Life Saving, a panicky swimmer is a much harder rescue than others.
Absolutely correct. Be an adopted person before making a judgement about what they should never be able to do.
It's a mental health issue.
I'm not an adoptee...I'm a bio mom who gave a child up for adoption. I'm wondering...do you get any kind of closure from DNA testing? Any sense of who you are? I'm not supposing one way or another. Just wondering.
I'm a strong believer in people having autonomy. I believe that even children should have autonomy in an age appropriate and developmentally appropriate way.
If an adopted child wants to know their origins, I think it should be explained to them in an age appropriate way. If the parents don't know how to go about doing it, they should seek professional help to guide them. If it is information that they want to have, it should be right of the adoptee to have it at or before they reach adulthood.
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Originally Posted by jbgusa
Even in the best of circumstances, it is certainly not a first choice for any concerned.
This statement is incredibly insensitive.
Just imagine you're an adopted child - who had no choice - reading that statement. I was not my parents' first choice. They settled for me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jbgusa
I say, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
Since you don't have experience as an adopter nor an adoptee, how do you know the system isn't broken? How do you know reform is not needed?
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