Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The racial sensitivity of activists towards trans-racial adoptions does not help.I have to think that the move towards opening adoption records has a major deterring effect. I have expressed my views, and believe there is often a good reason for discreteness about birth parents, Sanctity of the Adopting Family.
In many respects, both adopting and donating families are hurt by this trend, since almost at any time, a settled family on either end can have the pot stirred in an unwelcome manner.
I don't know, I saw a trend even 36 years ago when we were adopting in parents wanting "open" adoptions, or at the very least updates through the agency. One accepts that a birthmother or other member of the family may show up at the door, even when the adoption has not revealed the information to get them that far.
Quote:
Originally Posted by StarryKnight1
As I said before, there’s no shortage of adoptable kids, there’s a shortage of kids people want to adopt. Not many enterprising barren young couples in the adoption market want to take on a kid with significant problems. They’d rather just cut their losses.
As another poster stated, most want a white, “normal”, problem free infant, but due to various societal factors, there’s an extreme shortage of those. And what you have left are a bunch of kids that -nobody- wants to adopt unless there’s nothing left or no other options.
Disagree. We tried in two states to adopt children "in the state systems", and they hang on to those kids. You know, Wednesday Child and those featured in the newspaper on Sunday. A couple of times we were told "You really don't want this child." and we were thinking we did. Another time, having a son with Down syndrome who was adopted as an infant, we asked about a pre-teen boy with DS that was in foster care. The foster mother wanted to adopt him, but the foster father did not, so as we inquired, the boy was placed in "permanent" foster care. They don't even post children with disabilities in either state we were in, but just hold them in foster care. We even inquired nationwide, and yet, they resisted the idea of placement.
We attended classes, required, and there were younger couples there. There was a couple in the class who actually found their sibling group of 3 kids during the time the classes were in session. We were open to boy or girl, up to 10 years old, of any race/ethnicity. Boy, they really discourage cross race adoptions! So many rules to meet due to activists who don't adopt, but expect people of their race to adopt - the kids just sit and wait.
Many of the kids do have issues that only experienced parents should take on. But still, call the state agency, and if, a very big if, they call back, it more likely to discourage someone then to encourage them.
Children with special needs, especially younger children are easy to place. Sadly, they hold these children hoping for reunification, so soon they have been through 10 or 20 foster homes, and no at age 12, they really don't have a sense of family. There are also larger sibling groups, 5 or 6 kids, which would be a lot for anyone.
https://www.ndsan.org/ a sort of clearinghouse for babies and children with Down syndrome, even say 20 years ago, I called and they had over 100 couples/singles on their waiting list, those fully approved and waiting to adopt. I imagine there are even more. This agency has contacts to get the babies and children placed. We adopted through a Down syndrome adoption exchange.
I think "Little People of America" also helps to place babies/children with dwarfism. I suspect there are other groups.
Gosh, we were going to foster a little boy in AZ, but he had to go on weekend visits with his dad who was in prison. He was not yet free for adoption. We passed, but another couple did foster him. He was 3 years old.
I think parenting is falling out of favor these days. The agency where we adopted said that the ones that specify a certain sex ended up waiting longer, as even the birth parents thought that maybe it shouldn't make a difference. I agree.
I don't know, I saw a trend even 36 years ago when we were adopting in parents wanting "open" adoptions, or at the very least updates through the agency. One accepts that a birthmother or other member of the family may show up at the door, even when the adoption has not revealed the information to get them that far.
If people want an open adoption, fine. I think it's a very dangerous idea. Why upend a system that works?
I don't know, I saw a trend even 36 years ago when we were adopting in parents wanting "open" adoptions, or at the very least updates through the agency. One accepts that a birthmother or other member of the family may show up at the door, even when the adoption has not revealed the information to get them that far.
Disagree. We tried in two states to adopt children "in the state systems", and they hang on to those kids. You know, Wednesday Child and those featured in the newspaper on Sunday. A couple of times we were told "You really don't want this child." and we were thinking we did. Another time, having a son with Down syndrome who was adopted as an infant, we asked about a pre-teen boy with DS that was in foster care. The foster mother wanted to adopt him, but the foster father did not, so as we inquired, the boy was placed in "permanent" foster care. They don't even post children with disabilities in either state we were in, but just hold them in foster care. We even inquired nationwide, and yet, they resisted the idea of placement.
We attended classes, required, and there were younger couples there. There was a couple in the class who actually found their sibling group of 3 kids during the time the classes were in session. We were open to boy or girl, up to 10 years old, of any race/ethnicity. Boy, they really discourage cross race adoptions! So many rules to meet due to activists who don't adopt, but expect people of their race to adopt - the kids just sit and wait.
Many of the kids do have issues that only experienced parents should take on. But still, call the state agency, and if, a very big if, they call back, it more likely to discourage someone then to encourage them.
Children with special needs, especially younger children are easy to place. Sadly, they hold these children hoping for reunification, so soon they have been through 10 or 20 foster homes, and no at age 12, they really don't have a sense of family. There are also larger sibling groups, 5 or 6 kids, which would be a lot for anyone.
https://www.ndsan.org/ a sort of clearinghouse for babies and children with Down syndrome, even say 20 years ago, I called and they had over 100 couples/singles on their waiting list, those fully approved and waiting to adopt. I imagine there are even more. This agency has contacts to get the babies and children placed. We adopted through a Down syndrome adoption exchange.
I think "Little People of America" also helps to place babies/children with dwarfism. I suspect there are other groups.
Gosh, we were going to foster a little boy in AZ, but he had to go on weekend visits with his dad who was in prison. He was not yet free for adoption. We passed, but another couple did foster him. He was 3 years old.
I think parenting is falling out of favor these days. The agency where we adopted said that the ones that specify a certain sex ended up waiting longer, as even the birth parents thought that maybe it shouldn't make a difference. I agree.
I’m glad your one situation was different, but I do not see what difference it makes to my posts, all my point still stand. Most young couples are not looking to take on a child that will need 24/7 care forever. That’s why you describe about disabled children in the above post is occurring.
Many confuse having only choices that they don’t like to be the same thing as having no choices at all, and that extends far beyond the subject of adopting children.
As for “birth parent rights”, seems like wanting your cake and eating it too.
I’m glad your one situation was different, but I do not see what difference it makes to my posts, all my point still stand. Most young couples are not looking to take on a child that will need 24/7 care forever. That’s why you describe about disabled children in the above post is occurring.
Many confuse having only choices that they don’t like to be the same thing as having no choices at all, and that extends far beyond the subject of adopting children.
As for “birth parent rights”, seems like wanting your cake and eating it too.
I'm glad someone agrees with me and doesn't consider me a heartless soul.
If people want an open adoption, fine. I think it's a very dangerous idea. Why upend a system that works?
Open adoption started in the 1970s, and no one is forced to engage in it. I don't see why it is a dangerous idea, as it is a choice. It is a transaction that both parties agree to, although some don't hold up their end of the agreement, which is unfortunate for the child that was adopted to be parented by such dishonest people.
Everyone knows why there are very few infants to adopt, nearly 1,000,000 babies a year aborted in the US each year.
"The last year for which Guttmacher reported a yearly national total was 2020. It said there were 930,160 abortions that year in all 50 states and the District of Columbia, compared with 916,460 in 2019."
"In the United States, among married women aged 15 to 49 years with no prior births, about 1 in 5 (19%) are unable to get pregnant after one year of trying (infertility). Also, about 1 in 4 (26%) women in this group have difficulty getting pregnant or carrying a pregnancy to term (impaired fecundity)."
Supply gets much more limited, and demand goes higher.
When we were working with the private agency in 1986 adopting our son with special needs, the waiting list there for a healthy baby was about 2 years. It was a religion based agency. We were not searching for a healthy baby to adopt, but a child with special needs, and this agency was unable to place him from their waiting list, so he was a referral to us from a source we had listed our names with.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Not many enterprising barren young couples in the adoption market want to take on a kid with significant problems. They’d rather just cut their losses.
