Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
If you feel the son is a POS, maybe that's how the mother secretly feels too, and doesn't want to be closer to him or depend on him in any regular way.
You have stepped in and fulfilled that need for her, which was great, but it taught her that she does not need to hire help, and perhaps your next chore would be weaning her off that dependency in a gradual way. Suggest cleaning and yard people and have a ready excuse why you can't do those things anymore. See if there is grocery delivery in your town (most have it these days) and help her to get set up on it. She should be able to be self-dependent with those 3 needs met, for the most part.
If the mother truly felt her son was a POS, do you think she would be leaving him a substantial inheritance? Anything is possible, but I doubt it.
It's one thing to think or realize perhaps you didn't raise someone who is the most considerate person in the world, and something else to believe you raised a Piece of S--t
Last edited by marino760; 04-27-2024 at 09:19 AM..
Shamrock, that’s exactly what happened to my husband and I over a two year period. Plus we had to drive 20 minutes each way to help our friends and it ended up eventually being a few times a day. It was ruining our retirement.
It came to a head when we had a 3 week cruise booked. I found the wife a memory care facility because she had dementia and her husband had to move in with his son because he was dying from cancer. He ended up being mad at us. People go from being grateful to expecting you to do everything.
We have a saying that we use often to describe this behavior. "No good deed goes unpunished". We've unfortunately been on the punishment end of the equation a few times and had to "disconnect" ourselves from friends after our favors seemed to turn into "our responsibilities". Uuuuuhm, no, not going to ever do that again. I'm happy to help out in an emergency, or a short-term tough situation, but the minute I can, I'm going to let them find someone who they can pay for that service going forward.
If the OP doesn't want to be relied upon for these favors, they need to tell the old neighbor lady she needs to pay someone to do these jobs. It's not hard to say "I'm sorry Louella, I'm afraid that I'm not going to be able to continue helping with the leaves and snow anymore. Here's the number of a handyman I've used before." I'm sure there are young people around who could benefit from a few bucks for simple jobs like this.
Tell her "Little House On The Prairie" is just a TV show and that the people who live there are just paid actors and actresses who actually live in the cities.
Roll back the help, before it becomes unsustainable. If she can't organize her life, maybe she needs to move to a more suitable environment. She can hire people or her son can do I or hire someone.
81 years old. Lives in a Ranch style home across the street from us. She requires a walker and her travel distance severely limited. Lives alone. One son who lives 40 miles away. Son has moved twice in the past 5 years, each time further away.
Son cuts his Mom's lawn 2 or 3 times per month, and she pays him! We cut it other times for free. We do 100% of her snowshovelling and de-iceing during Winter months, and nearly all of her lawn raking in Fall for no charge. We also hand deliver her mail to her each day.
Her laundry is in the basement and her son ( a union pioefitter) has been promising for years to install a first floor laundry but has done nothing. She drives and does her own grocery shopping using motorized carts, but getting from parking lot to store lobby, and store lobby to her car, consumes all her energy.
She insists on remaining independent but is clearly living in an unsafe environment.
We would discuss this with her son but he is a lazy POS (in my opinion) and might intentionally be doing the absolute minimum to expedite his sizeable inheritance!
What to do? Any ideas? Nice lady and we enjoy her friendship.
Thanks.
You could injure yourself and then what. My husband suffered from a rotator cuff tear and had to have surgery and months of rehab. Surgeon said it was likely from raking leaves for so many years.
Simply state that you will not be able to continue due to potential health issues and she will need to make other arrangements. It is not your job to suggest she hire someone unless she asks.
Last edited by Maddie104; 04-27-2024 at 01:48 PM..
OP, does she ask you to do these things? Do you ask her if she wants the mowing done every time? Or are you like my mom's neighbors who just do it? I mean she literally looks out her window and a neighbor is taking care of something.
If that's the case, just don't be as available. Maybe once a month, then once every couple months.
Seriously, if the neighbors would quit helping mom she would be ready to sell and move to be closer to one of us. We'd like that.
If the mother truly felt her son was a POS, do you think she would be leaving him a substantial inheritance? Anything is possible, but I doubt it.
It's one thing to think or realize perhaps you didn't raise someone who is the most considerate person in the world, and something else to believe you raised a Piece of S--t
Wow, that is a very angry response. Are you maybe the son?
I don't see any reason why she should move. She has some mobility issues but otherwise seems to do fine in her one story house. She obviously has neighbors that look in on her. She can stop driving anytime if she wants to and have food delivered. Her son is only 40 miles away which is not all that far. There's no mention of her having memory or mental aging issues. Why would anyone push her to move elsewhere when she doesn't want to? She can afford to hire someone to do her yard work if she chooses not to rely on her neighbor to do this for free.
If she needs some help around the house, it sounds like she can well afford to hire someone even once a week to come over and help her for a day.
Just to clarify: I know the OP said she lives in a "Ranch style home", but the OP also stated: "Her laundry is in the basement and her son has been promising for years to install a first floor laundry." Maybe someone else does her laundry for her since she can't even walk to the mailbox without a walker according to the OP.
I also have my laundry in the basement. It is a pain in the neck and is one of the reasons I will be moving soon. If a person has to go to the basement to do laundry (or anything else for that matter) they are not truly benefitting from a one story house.
P.S. I wonder where the OP went after this thread starter.
Last edited by rainydayparis; 04-28-2024 at 11:38 AM..
Reason: P.S.
We cut it other times for free. We do 100% of her snowshovelling and de-iceing during Winter months, and nearly all of her lawn raking in Fall for no charge. We also hand deliver her mail to her each day.
Why do you take so much upon yourself?
Did she ever ask you to?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
