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I’m getting married in two weeks to a wonderful man. He pastors a church. He and his late wife founded the church. He adored his late wife. They adored each other. I love that he had a good marriage and knows how to commit. I’m also a widow for 7 years.
I’m 70 and he’s 72. (That’s the amusing part). We are both very healthy. The thing that’s bothering me is her BIG picture is center wall as you enter the church. I think it should be moved to the side. I’m not sure if my thinking is a good one. He constantly talks about her, and I always listen and respect his feelings. But this picture is on my mind, and I just would like an unbiased opinion on if it should be moved and our picture put there. I will be working with him to grow his church, as did his late wife. But there’s a new sheriff in town. In my opinion she needs to become small and tucked away in his heart. As I did with my late hubby whom I was married to for most of my life thus far.
Just an unbiased opinion is appreciated. I will not make an issue of this with him at all. I just want to be sure what’s best.
Thank you
Last edited by Marblecake53; 05-06-2024 at 11:15 AM..
I would look at it this way: If your future husband and his friend/brother founded the church and died, would you still feel the same way?
His late wife was a founder of the building and organization - you usually keep pictures of founders up and center stage.
I also, was a widow.
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I’m getting married in two weeks to a wonderful man. He pastors a church. He and his late wife founded the church. He adored his late wife. They adored each other. I love that he had a good marriage and knows how to commit. I’m also a widow for 7 years.
I’m 70 and he’s 72. (That’s the amusing part). We are both very healthy. The thing that’s bothering me is her BIG picture is center wall as you enter the church. I think it should be moved to the side. I’m not sure if my thinking is a good one. He constantly talks about her, and I always listen and respect his feelings. But this picture is on my mind, and I just would like an unbiased opinion on if it should be moved and our picture put there. I will be working with him to grow his church, as did his late wife. But there’s a new sheriff in town. In my opinion she needs to become small and tucked away in his heart. As I did with my late hubby whom I was married to for most of my life thus far.
Just an unbiased opinion is appreciated. I will not make an issue of this with him at all. I just want to be sure what’s best.
Thank you
You don't mention how long it's been since he lost his wife. That could be a large part of this inability to "let go" so to speak.
I would be uncomfortable with him discussing her often. He needs to let go and make sure he's completely healed before marriage again. That's not fair to you or him. You need to discuss this with him and let him know how you feel. He should not have a problem moving the picture and letting you in. If he does, you may want to re-think this marriage right now.
In short, I agree with you and you are being very reasonable. Please update when the time comes, I'm curious to know how he reacts.
You don't mention how long it's been since he lost his wife. That could be a large part of this inability to "let go" so to speak.
I would be uncomfortable with him discussing her often. He needs to let go and make sure he's completely healed before marriage again. That's not fair to you or him. You need to discuss this with him and let him know how you feel. He should not have a problem moving the picture and letting you in. If he does, you may want to re-think this marriage right now.
In short, I agree with you and you are being very reasonable. Please update when the time comes, I'm curious to know how he reacts.
Not discussing his wife would probably rule out like 30 years of his life, of which she was a part.
He worked with her AND was married to her.
How can he share anything of his personal life if it does not include his late wife as part of that conversation?
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Wow. Really? Kind of rough on her don't you think?
Rough is subjective.
Is any of what she said incorrect?
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No, the picture should NOT be removed. As others pointed out, its a picture of the founders.
You will NOT ingratiate yourself with the congregation if you try and insist it come down.
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