My wife is very scared about pregnancy (early, rate, failure)
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She smokes outside or in the garage. It's not fair to condemn her because of one bad habit.
She is highly addicted to nicotine, she is afraid of pain, and she does not want to undergo the bodily changes of pregnancy and childbirth. If she truly wants to be a mother, she should be willing to stop smoking, learn about pain management in childbirth and take steps to keep her body healthy during pregnancy. I stand by my previous post. Women who want children will do anything to have them.
I strongly suspect your wife is on the fence about motherhood, at best. If I am wrong, and she does want children, but is horribly fearful, then, again, you both need counseling. I know that some women fear childbirth very much. This fear can have a bad effect on a marriage. It can overwhelm a desire to have children. But women’s bodies are designed to bear children. And doctors deal with frightened expectant mothers frequently. They will give meds to reduce the pain if that’s what she wants.
My point is, that you two need to be able to discuss this with someone who can guide the discussion in a positive way. Using a surrogate is something you would do as a last resort.
Unfortunately, She is very addicted. She smokes a lot and for a long time. She fortunately reasonable and admits she maybe won't be able to stop smoke during pregnancy.
Poor child would probaby have to take care of her, when she can`t breathe any more. Get a pet instead.
Sounds like no one in this thread has ever been addicted to nicotine. It’s said to be as addictive and hard to quit as hard core narcotic. Overcoming the mental and physical aspects of addiction can take many months if not years to free yourself. And yes some do it quickly and painlessly others don’t. With all that being said yes she should quit.
No woman should get pregnant when she feels like the op. It’s up to her to work out how badly she wants a child and what she’s willing to do for it. I’d suggest adoption before a surrogate. Loving a child shouldn’t be predicated on dna
Hire e a surrogate or adopt, hire someone to raise them. Send them to private boarding school. You cna meet them at their college graduation and see how they turned out.
On a side note- some females gain a great aversion for certain foods and/or drugs or alcohol when pregnant.
I was a smoker til the moment of each conception. The body tends to repute certain sources that could endanger the embryo.
As for your mate, it's her body. Her choice. Support her thru this personal matter. I think you both can find a solution that meets your family goal.
Yep, I was a 17 year old smoker when I was pregnant with my first but the smell of cigarette smoke started making me vomit. Cured that addiction.
I must not be very delicate; I had 11, including twins twice. I actually thought about being a surrogate because I am so good at being pregnant but that wouldn't have worked for me. I bond with babies I carry. Would be impossible not to.
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Originally Posted by coschristi
Yep, I was a 17 year old smoker when I was pregnant with my first but the smell of cigarette smoke started making me vomit. Cured that addiction.
I must not be very delicate; I had 11, including twins twice. I actually thought about being a surrogate because I am so good at being pregnant but that wouldn't have worked for me. I bond with babies I carry. Would be impossible not to.
They bond with you, too, is the thing. Babies arrive in the world searching for their mother's voice.
Forget having a child by any means, be it pregnancy, surrogacy, or adoption, if your wife continues to smoke. Even if she only smokes "outdoors or in the garage", she is shortening her life with each cigarette, and children deserve parents who are not addicts.
I lost a cousin who "only smoked in the garage or outside" last year. She died of lung cancer. I am thankful she had no children, but she did have a family who cared about her. Her death was so unnecessary...
How old is this woman? She sounds very young and immature. I think it's normal to be a little nervous about pain and maybe think about weight gain the back of your mind but these things should NOT be that big of a deal. Having a baby and becoming a mother should outshine all of these things. I dont think she sounds ready or even wants to have kids.
And if she is such a delicate flower how will she handle life when baby is here? Is she planning to get up throughout the night or someone else will do that too?
It seems like people are really harping on the smoking which is bad but there are other major issues. I've known former smokers (some maybe not even former) who turned out to be good moms.
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