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As an Oncology and later ICU nurse, I often saw patients die when the family steps out of the room for a few minutes. I also noticed that patients approaching death turned inward, perhaps preparing to leave the outside world and face the one to come.
I saw patients close to death, but still coherent, seemingly unconcerned where last wishes needed to be confirmed with the family.
Posted before I finished... I think what's more important is that the patient's family handled the final months of illness in a compassionate and caring way at a time of great stress and tension. That the patient grew closer to death having felt that love.
I was with my husband when he passed, but was talking to a friend who was visiting (I didn't expect him to go so soon.) When I saw he had stopped breathing, I climbed on the bed with him and talked to him, telling him it was OK to go and that his cousin Tonia (who was very close to him) would be waiting (she had died a month before).
A few months later, I saw a medium, who knew nothing about me and my situation (it was at a psychic fair kind of thing) and told me he heard my words and it helped him pass, along with some other stuff that was very specific and gave me great comfort.
Being with someone at the very point of death is not all that common. I would not make too much of it. We would like it otherwise but we can’t blame ourselves if it isn’t possible and our loved one passes when we are not by their side. If it is a case of terminating live support, that is likely to be a situation where one is present. I can tell you that that is an awful and devastating experience and hopefully the survivor doesn’t have to be there alone at the time.
Both my parents passed in their sleep and I was notified early in the morning. I had spent the evening before with them and, in my dad’s case we had a long and loving conversation. I wish I had said more but that didn’t happen. My mom was unable to communicate (Alzheimer’s) but she was as comfortable as possible. That is the best one can do.
I fully expect our loved ones would not want us in turmoil over it.
My husband died 3.5 months ago. I wasn't at the hospital when he passed, and I will regret that until I die. It had been a long day, and after sitting by his side for 12 hours I went home to rest. A few days before I was told he called for me all night until they gave him a sedative, that also upset me. Why didn't they call?
I'm seriously thinking about booking a session with a medium to try and make contact with him. I loved him, I miss him, but his death was not peaceful, he was alone, and that's what haunts me. Has anybody tried to contact a loved one through a medium? Am I crazy to do so?
I understand the impulse to ask a medium, but please don't expend money and emotion on a medium. You may be gypped out of a lot of money, and you'll always suspect that you're just being told what they think you want to hear. You'd do better to expend your energy making a formal complaint to the hospital.
I've noticed that it's very common for someone to die when the person with them has left. It happened to me, too. We may wish to be at the person's side, but often it just doesn't work out that way. It's no one's fault and nothing you should be regretting. It sounds as if you had a loving marriage, and in your heart you probably know that he just was missing your presence, and that might have happened at any time. Any message now - you know what that would likely be, just that he loved you.
Another thing, did you try talking to him directly?
A few days before my bf died, he was trying to ask me for something, to do something for him, but his speech had gotten so bad that I could not make out what he was saying. I said, "Is there something you need, something you want me to do for you?" He nodded and said yes, and repeated what he was trying to say, and I just could not make it out. I said, "I'm so sorry, I can't figure out what you want." He mouthed Never Mind, but it bothered me because it was obviously important and not water or Pepsi or something usual that he would ask for.
I stayed where he died with his family for a couple of weeks until we got the ashes and had a memorial and then I left to go home, which was a long trip. I was driving on the Interstate, and I was haunted by that request that I couldn't understand, and I just started to sob and sob and said, "I'm so sorry, I just couldn't figure out what that last thing was that you were asking me for, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry", and just then, a big giant white bird poop went SPLAT on my windshield, right in front of my eyes.
My bf was an outdoors guy and a wildlife photographer who fed birds and took photos of them, and as I cleared the bird crap from my windshield, I went from crying to laughing. To me, he was saying, "It's a bunch of crap, MQ, it doesn't matter now." In fact, I later told his son what had happened and that was his take on it, too. "Dad says you're worrying about crap that doesn't matter."
So talk to him. Tell him what you said here, how you feel about not being there. Maybe you'll get an answer that will make you know he's OK and that the things you are sad about don't matter anymore.
I had so many of the same experiences as you did when my husband was dying. I was holding my husband and told him "It's okay, you can go. I'll be okay." He was gone. One tear came down his face.
Then a few months after his death I was walking up to my house. Out loud I said "I don't feel you here anymore." I went into the garage to start cleaning it and on a shelf found a gold coin that said "You took my hand and we did together what I couldn't do alone." I knew that coin was not on that shelf before and I never saw it before. Where it came from I have no idea. I want to think that my husband was trying to tell me he was still with me.
I also thought it was odd that the same day after he died I was sitting on the couch in my living room and my dog started barking up at the wall to the side of me. There was nothing there but the dog saw something. And I woke up that night from a noise in the bathroom. I put my hand on the side of the bed where he used to sleep and thought to myself that he doesn't realize he died yet.
Other things happened too. I couldn't understand why I wasn't crying after six months without him. I was still in shock, I think. Then he came to me in a dream. He was sitting on a chair with a blanket over his lap. He said "There was nothing we could do. It was all through my body." Then the next night I had another dream. I saw him in a barn trying to turn on a circuit breaker. I ran over to him and hugged him and that is when it hit me that I will never feel the warmed of being in his arms again. I fell apart after those dreams. I needed that to start mourning. I was like the living dead just walking around in a daze. It's been 7 years my husband has been gone and sometimes I still think I'm in a daze. Just writing about him is making me cry, which I haven't done in a long time.
So they are near us, maybe not forever, but until they know we will be okay.
I'm not a big believer in the afterlife. To be honest, I've always felt that religion was a way to control the masses and prevent chaos by making folks fear the consequences of "sin".
I have to say though that certain experiences after the death of my sister made me feel that maybe I'm wrong. My sister died unexpectedly of liver failure due to alcoholism. No one realized how far her disease had progressed. After her passing, I went on a long-planned trip to a National Park. I felt that the trip might help me feel at peace in nature, but I also felt guilty being "on vacation" days after my sister's funeral. I had selected a song for her funeral that she had once requested, many years earlier, after seeing a movie that included a bagpipe playing Amazing Grace. She had a connection to that song, and said that if she died before me, I should make sure that it was played at her funeral, which of course I did. The day we arrived at the park we were having lunch at our campsite when another family started setting up camp next to us. They had a little girl, 4 or 5 years old, who was marching around their campsite waving a stick, and she started singing without words. "La-la, la la la...." I heard 5 notes and gasped. I looked at my husband as he gaped at me. She was "la-la-ing" Amazing Grace. In perfect tune. And she continued for a minute until she had completed the first 3-4 lines of the song. By this time, I was weeping into my hands, and I knew my sister was there. I mean what 5-year-old sings Amazing Grace??? The next morning, around sunrise, I was sleeping in my tent and had a dream. In my dream my younger brother was in a store with me and handed me a ringing phone (this was pre-cell phone days, so having a phone in a store would be really weird at that time). I said "Hello" into the phone and my sister answered me with "Good Morning!" I immediately woke, and realized it was my sister giving me a "wake-up call". Since that time, I've made very sure to monitor my drinking as I believe my sister wanted me to understand and not follow in her footsteps.
I do believe that most "psychics" are scam artists, but I think there may be some who might actually be able to connect with someone, even if that someone is really just them picking up on YOUR needs. Give it a shot if you want to. As long as you don't give them a lot of money of course! If it makes you feel more at peace, who can say it's wrong?
I was not present for when my mother took her last breath. I was there at her side the entire time, bracing myself for that time. I was actually anxious and scared. Seeing my beloved mother stop breathing would have traumatized me even further than I already was....but I was steeling myself for it. I didn't want to ever leave her side....but I got tired. The night nurse (who relieved me for 7 hours) came and I couldn't stay up any longer.
One hour into my sleep, I got the dreaded knock on the door. (I had moved in to care for her)
My mother had passed.
When the moment happened, she was alone. The night nurse had gone to the bathroom.
I look at it as this -- my mother wanted to spare me the agony of that moment. In her love for me, she saved me from that anguish. And let me tell you, the entire cancer journey was agonizing enough.
I'm not a big believer in the afterlife. To be honest, I've always felt that religion was a way to control the masses and prevent chaos by making folks fear the consequences of "sin".
I have to say though that certain experiences after the death of my sister made me feel that maybe I'm wrong. My sister died unexpectedly of liver failure due to alcoholism. No one realized how far her disease had progressed. After her passing, I went on a long-planned trip to a National Park. I felt that the trip might help me feel at peace in nature, but I also felt guilty being "on vacation" days after my sister's funeral. I had selected a song for her funeral that she had once requested, many years earlier, after seeing a movie that included a bagpipe playing Amazing Grace. She had a connection to that song, and said that if she died before me, I should make sure that it was played at her funeral, which of course I did. The day we arrived at the park we were having lunch at our campsite when another family started setting up camp next to us. They had a little girl, 4 or 5 years old, who was marching around their campsite waving a stick, and she started singing without words. "La-la, la la la...." I heard 5 notes and gasped. I looked at my husband as he gaped at me. She was "la-la-ing" Amazing Grace. In perfect tune. And she continued for a minute until she had completed the first 3-4 lines of the song. By this time, I was weeping into my hands, and I knew my sister was there. I mean what 5-year-old sings Amazing Grace??? The next morning, around sunrise, I was sleeping in my tent and had a dream. In my dream my younger brother was in a store with me and handed me a ringing phone (this was pre-cell phone days, so having a phone in a store would be really weird at that time). I said "Hello" into the phone and my sister answered me with "Good Morning!" I immediately woke, and realized it was my sister giving me a "wake-up call". Since that time, I've made very sure to monitor my drinking as I believe my sister wanted me to understand and not follow in her footsteps.
I do believe that most "psychics" are scam artists, but I think there may be some who might actually be able to connect with someone, even if that someone is really just them picking up on YOUR needs. Give it a shot if you want to. As long as you don't give them a lot of money of course! If it makes you feel more at peace, who can say it's wrong?
Yes, go in skeptical. My daughter and i saw one at a psychic fair a few years ago. Told me I was in a period of transition. Yeah, who isn't?
Then she told my daughter she saw her traveling with her child on her lap. Daughter was having tubal ligation the next week. We laughed and laughed.
I have had two who told me things too far out to guess and that no one else could have known.
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