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My best friend from childhood died recently. It’s been years since I’ve seen this person but it’s distressing nonetheless.
The family doesn’t seem like they are going to do a funeral. I was going to do an informal service with my other friends that knew my friend.
The family seems to be lying about the cause of death as well and wouldn’t give a straight answer and then claimed natural causes. This person definitely suffered from drug and alcohol addiction and mental illness and was likely much too young to die from what the family claimed.
My friend lived in a state where death records/toxicology are open record. Since I’m going to be doing an informal service would it make sense to get this information to at least acknowledge how they died?
Understand your curiosity, but no - why does it matter?
“He is dead,Jim!”
FWIW, the family may not know for sure themselves if he lived alone and wasn’t found until later.
Quite often people who abuse alcohol, etc may die of natural causes- their heart could just stop during their sleep or they could choke on their own vomit in their sleep if they got too sick
My best friend from childhood died recently. It’s been years since I’ve seen this person but it’s distressing nonetheless.
The family doesn’t seem like they are going to do a funeral. I was going to do an informal service with my other friends that knew my friend.
The family seems to be lying about the cause of death as well and wouldn’t give a straight answer and then claimed natural causes. This person definitely suffered from drug and alcohol addiction and mental illness and was likely much too young to die from what the family claimed.
My friend lived in a state where death records/toxicology are open record. Since I’m going to be doing an informal service would it make sense to get this information to at least acknowledge how they died?
Did you actually question the family about the cause of death?
You haven't seen this person in years. You shouldn't get involved. Respect the families wishes.
It`s been years, you haven`t kept in touch.....they are no longer your friend. Send the family a card, say a prayer or make a donation to a charity, in memory of the person.
As others have said. If you want to get together with friends to honor this person, then feel free-- but also respect the family's wishes (which may be following your friend's wishes) to not hold a funeral themselves.
As far as cause of death... what will knowing accomplish for you? No, really, think about this honestly-- what? Besides, it sounds like you're already pretty sure you know. And there is no need to know the cause of death in order to have a memorial service or gathering.
The life celebration can certainly be a platform for awareness . My parent wanted the charities mentioned at her service.
The kidney foundation and the American heart association were two that come to mind.
It wasn't the totality of the service , it was noted in her memorial service booklet . Which also carried readings and names of the speakers. Unsure how it's inappropriate. Didn't take a rocket scientist to know her death involved both those organs .
If mental illness or suicide is a public no no at a service then we are avoiding the elephant in the room.
It' deserves to be mentioned as an awareness and left to be discussed AFTERWARDS. If person's so choose. It doesn't change the grief or change the value of the person's impact or influence.
When a vet is memorialized they specifically speak of how the person was serving , and how the bomb took them to soon. So with that , I see acknowledging it to be important. What you choose to do with that information is yours alone.
My best friend from childhood died recently. It’s been years since I’ve seen this person but it’s distressing nonetheless.
The family doesn’t seem like they are going to do a funeral. I was going to do an informal service with my other friends that knew my friend.
The family seems to be lying about the cause of death as well and wouldn’t give a straight answer and then claimed natural causes. This person definitely suffered from drug and alcohol addiction and mental illness and was likely much too young to die from what the family claimed.
My friend lived in a state where death records/toxicology are open record. Since I’m going to be doing an informal service would it make sense to get this information to at least acknowledge how they died?
I've been to two funerals of that nature. About seven years ago my wife's cousin died, likely of some combination of drugs and suicide. A college friend's younger brother died, at about 62. His death was sudden. My friend and his son drove down to Dallas to empty the apartment, make arrangements and drive back his car. Likely suicide, I think, since I don't think he was a drug user.
I've seen a couple very short obits with featured mentions of charities to donate to if one were inclined to do so.
Which is so very classy.
My favorite was a career nurse who did that & kept her obit short. I kept thinking she must have subconsciously drafted her own obit after specific things she witnessed on the job.
Back on topic, I learned the hard way it's not worth harping on a grudge when someone dies. They're gone, it's better to move on and not dwell on old news.
My best friend from childhood died recently. It’s been years since I’ve seen this person but it’s distressing nonetheless.
The family doesn’t seem like they are going to do a funeral. I was going to do an informal service with my other friends that knew my friend.
The family seems to be lying about the cause of death as well and wouldn’t give a straight answer and then claimed natural causes. This person definitely suffered from drug and alcohol addiction and mental illness and was likely much too young to die from what the family claimed.
My friend lived in a state where death records/toxicology are open record. Since I’m going to be doing an informal service would it make sense to get this information to at least acknowledge how they died?
No. It's inappropriate for you to share information that the family clearly didn't want to share.
You can say 'she died unexpectedly' or 'she left us too soon.'
It's no one's business how she passed.
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