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I feel like this is an illness-something you have to heal from. Some heal faster than others.
In the first few months, people are understanding when you break down in tears. But as time goes on, they are less sympathetic. So the second, third, etc years people start to supress their grief because they think they are supposed to be "over it" by now. But you never get over it. You just learn to deal with it.
I always knew he would leave me-he was 17 years older than me. But I thought it would have been about 10 years from now. I have often thought about what to do when the time came. But what I didn't think about which seems to hit me hard at times is the loneliness. Sometimes I will go days without seeing another human. It's not like this is anything different. I would go days without seeing another human but him and I was fine with that. He was all I needed. Now he is not here and I am having trouble filling that void.
Cat
Even though I only got six years, Cat, I can relate. We used to joke that we would reevaluate our relationship after 25 years and decide then if we wanted to stay together. He would be in his 90s, me in my 80s (he had 7 years on me).
When he was sick, he said, "When I met you, I thought we'd have more time. My father lived to be 84, and I thought I'd at least get that." He died just short of 72.
When I was with him in the magical place at the lake, I had no worries, no anxiety, nothing could touch me. It was the two of us, in our own world, and I would wake up knowing I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I had never before in my life had that pure feeling of belonging and content the way I did with him up there, knowing that someone who loved me was right there.
Now I feel lost and I don't know where I am supposed to be.
I wasn't sure how I would make it through today, my husband of 42 years died just 5 weeks ago. I chose to give myself the gift of grieving, and let friends and family, including my own children, know I wanted to be alone. I turned off my phone yesterday. Today I have cried, and cleaned. I think I'll make it, but, oh, how I miss him.
I wasn't sure how I would make it through today, my husband of 42 years died just 5 weeks ago. I chose to give myself the gift of grieving, and let friends and family, including my own children, know I wanted to be alone. I turned off my phone yesterday. Today I have cried, and cleaned. I think I'll make it, but, oh, how I miss him.
I feel for you. Glad that you are letting yourself grieve without having to put on a face for others. It hurts, no doubt about it.
I feel like this is an illness-something you have to heal from. Some heal faster than others.
In the first few months, people are understanding when you break down in tears. But as time goes on, they are less sympathetic. So the second, third, etc years people start to supress their grief because they think they are supposed to be "over it" by now. But you never get over it. You just learn to deal with it.
I always knew he would leave me-he was 17 years older than me. But I thought it would have been about 10 years from now. I have often thought about what to do when the time came. But what I didn't think about which seems to hit me hard at times is the loneliness. Sometimes I will go days without seeing another human. It's not like this is anything different. I would go days without seeing another human but him and I was fine with that. He was all I needed. Now he is not here and I am having trouble filling that void.
I'm going to respectfully disagree. For me (and other widows that I have talked to) the second year is much, much worse. I actually wish my grief was as "mild" now as it was that first year, although I wouldn't have thought that at the time.
Numbness/shock wears off and reality sets in and the pain is clear and sharp and unrelenting. Of course, everyone experiences grief differently and this has just been my personal experience for the past 20 months.
I've heard that as well. Honestly, I pray it isn't so. I'm only 5 months out and the waves are still knocking me over. The idea that year two will be worse is too painful to contemplate. A good day is when I can tread water.
I've heard that as well. Honestly, I pray it isn't so. I'm only 5 months out and the waves are still knocking me over. The idea that year two will be worse is too painful to contemplate. A good day is when I can tread water.
For me, the second year wasn't MORE painful, it was painful in a different way though. But nothing was more painful than that first year, especially the first few months. I remember sitting in a chair, and rocking, and just sobbing. I am now 3.5 years "out" from it all, and I honestly don't remember the last time I did that. But I went through a ton of one on one counseling, and I do know that everyone processes things differently.
Ever since my mom died I'm now terrified of losing my spouse. It's like all of a sudden my eyes were opened to the fact that we are getting older (we are in our 40s, not old by any stretch, but not really all that young either). I frankly can't picture my life without him.
Ever since my mom died I'm now terrified of losing my spouse. It's like all of a sudden my eyes were opened to the fact that we are getting older (we are in our 40s, not old by any stretch, but not really all that young either). I frankly can't picture my life without him.
My husband died before my mother did. I didn't expect that.
Catwoman hasn't posted for days. Hopefully she was dragged into some sort of unwanted holiday merriment.
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