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My brother showed out at my mom's house too after my dad's funeral. I made him go with me and his older (my younger) brother with our mom to the funeral parlor. He really, really, really didn't want to go but I said to him, "Good grief, it's not like we are going to have to wash dad's body! Mom needs you," so he went but then showed out after the funeral. I mean, he was SMOKING IN MY MOM'S HOUSE (which she definitely didn't allow from anyone, let alone her baby boy) and was sleeping, not in the guest room, but in the middle of the house, on the sofa, smoking, with war movies on 24/7. My mom was literally afraid of him. It was horrible. Then he just up and left, and honestly, I don't even think he told our mom goodbye, but at least he was out of the house.
My condolences for your father’s death. It sounds like you and your mother handled the situation well. Sometimes when the end is expected people are somewhat prepared (but it is never easy in any case).
So sorry that your brother had to bring drama into the final days. We had a similar in-law situation and that can compound the grief and healing issues. There always seems to be that “one” relative to contend with.
Not much you can do but move beyond that and stay in touch with your mother through phone calls, which she seems to prefer. Glad she is financially in good shape so you don’t have that worry. Good wishes to you in the future.
May your family have peace. Your father isn't suffering anymore. Sometimes, people think they're "getting better" with stage 4 cancer after what appears to be an effective treatment, only to find out that the cancer is everywhere in the following months.
I am sad that you lost your father. I am thinking of you. My sincerest condolences.
I am assuming there was no proper funeral?
We had no funeral for our mother, as she didn't want one (we didn't want one, either). We had her cremated, according to her wishes. Mom always told me and my sister to do our own funeral together whenever we felt like it. If not, we...so be it! Lol. My dad is still alive and didn't want any drama from a funeral.
As stated previously, my parents are v-e-r-y private people. Mom "I wouldn't have shared this with you unless you asked."
Will update as this progresses.
I'm sorry but I had to giggle a little bit at this. Sounds just like my parents. We always said one of them could have an arm cut off and they might tell us "well, I got a little cut." lol When my wife got POA on both my parents, we took them to one of Mama's doctor's appointments and I went to the window to give them a copy of the POA. Mama asked what I was doing. Daddy told her we were letting the doctor know they can stick their nose in our damn business. Daddy wasn't too quiet and there were a few giggles around the waiting room.
Mama died 12 days after their 66th anniversary of colon cancer. Daddy moved to assisted living and loved it until he was too sick to stay there. He would get in a depressed mood every now and then and told me he died the day she did. After 2 years in the nursing home, he just quit eating. Staff told me there wasn't a lot I could do about it. He finally got his wish, 4 years after her.
One thing everybody with somebody with a terminal illness needs to do. When my exwife died of heart problems, our sons had no idea where her insurance policies were or anything about her bills. She didn't have her computer passwords written down as far as they knew. They went to her place of employment and got the insurance information. My son asked my wife and I to let them know where our insurance policies could be found and we showed them. We use google chrome on our computers and, when you click on the 3 dots on the right side of the screen, you can find all your passwords by using your PIN.
One thing they did I thought was a smart idea. She died a little after 6 AM. By the time the boys posted that she had passed away, they had already been to her house, found all the information they could, went to her job, then went to the funeral home and made arrangements. In less than 12 hours from her time of death, all arrangements were done and news was posted on social media.
Mom's doing pretty well, overall. She's spent a lot of time doing administrative "My husband died and I need to......"
SS office people in her small town have been fantastic to deal with.
The various banks and credit cards have been a hammered bag of crap mostly.
She's coming to visit Thursday. Her first trip in probably a year, and her first visit without my dad.
I am anticipating some emotions from her, and possibly from me.
I'm "glad" that my father and I were not very close. Not literally "glad" but if someone were very close I could see how this could be super rough to go through.
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