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It's been a little over three months, and I am feeling worse than ever. They say 3-6 months can be the worse - who knows? I think the shock and denial of her death is starting to fade away a little. That's maybe why I am feeling so bad. I hope I get some relief soon.
It's been a little over three months, and I am feeling worse than ever. They say 3-6 months can be the worse - who knows? I think the shock and denial of her death is starting to fade away a little. That's maybe why I am feeling so bad. I hope I get some relief soon.
I wish you all deep healing in your grief.
Bye for now.
*hugs*
The pain is still very real for both of us. My baseline is miserable.
I alternate between shock & denial, to acknowledging the lost and feeling miserable.
I just feel lost without my mom and I manage because I have to :/
I am in shock and denial right now. Really really hard. Just go through it. I cannot believe she is gone. Wow! Seems like a dream
I have been in grief for over two and half years
I grieved her after the stroke, and then in death. I lost her 2 times. Just inreal.
We will get through this. We have to.
That's how it was with my grandmother. She had dementia. Sure, she "lived" to be 85, but six of those years was torment for the family, especially my mom.
I was in mourning that entire time because the grandmother I knew had faded away and all there was just a physical body. Once the physical body was gone, the real grief began.
Coincidentally, when the doctors performed an MRI on my mom, they found the beginning of vascular dementia...so if cancer didn't take her, down the road dementia would have.
It's going to be a long, hard road. The greater the love, the greater the pain when that person is gone.
That's how it was with my grandmother. She had dementia. Sure, she "lived" to be 85, but six of those years was torment for the family, especially my mom.
I was in mourning that entire time because the grandmother I knew had faded away and all there was just a physical body. Once the physical body was gone, the real grief began.
Coincidentally, when the doctors performed an MRI on my mom, they found the beginning of vascular dementia...so if cancer didn't take her, down the road dementia would have.
It's going to be a long, hard road. The greater the love, the greater the pain when that person is gone.
Yes, I understand that completely. I agree with you. But, you may get more relief when you least expect it. You never know. You know my pain, and I know yours. Do you have a father or siblings? My heart aches for you - it really does. I know what you are living. Your mother's death with cancer was so tragic. So, so, sorry. I can't tell you enough. What happened to you as happened to thousands and thousands of other people. Keep that in mind. You weren't singled out, nor was it something you did wrong. Life happens. At any rate, your mother was 75. So, she may have been robbed of 10 years or so, but what kind of life was she going to have really? I think of that with my own mother.
I haven't had a real normal conversation with my family in two years prior to her death. We just came to accept her as she was. She did go wacky, but we were in denial about it with others. There were remnants of her old self at times, so much so that she would 70% her old self ( she always excellent speech and memory), but it was always just a tease, in the end. My dad and I were at the end of the road with her. When she went to the hospital the last time with two massive seizures, my father was panicking because he didn't know how he and I were going to continue caring for her.
We've been suffering so badly for well over 2 years. And then, she does. Though it was relief, the finality of physical absence is unbearably sad. We couldn't win. We lost her no matter what. All doors closed while she lived, so death was the best option (yes, it can be).
I am a little better now. The grief hits me in waves, and they last for hours at a time.
I have my dad. He's 76, so he can also die on me at any time. He's very healthy, but so was my mother until 70 years-old. She was running up bleachers at almost 70. She could move faster than most women her age. The only difference is, is that my father is a much stronger person than my mother was. Her weak-mindedness affected her body in ways unimaginable. I just know that.
My father loves me as much as my mother did. I am thankful every day for his presence. He doesn't feel that different than mom, as they seemed to become more alike than different as they aged. I don't know how much longer I will have him. I also have my dear sister, but she is not a parent to me. My relationship to her is a sibling one. It's just different. Your parents love differently than your siblings, although sibling losses can be just as hard, but they're different (as our spousal losses, etc.).
Riaelise, thank you so much for your kind words and the update. I am so so sorry for your loss. I really am. Your mom wasn't young but wow that was fast.
Riaelise, thank you so much for your kind words and the update. I am so so sorry for your loss. I really am. Your mom wasn't young but wow that was fast.
Thank you. It was too fast :*(
One of the things that's so tough is that there's this omnipresent undercurrent of sadness.
Got the death certificate yesterday. Felt bad.
having to go close all of her accounts will make me feel bad.
it's like I'm just alive. Part of me died with her, that's all there is to it.
All I can say is you are not alone. My mom has been gone 2 1/2 months now. I’m still dealing with social security, incoming medical bills, her insurance, her belongings.
Like you, I feel as though I am just existing. I don’t have the energy to cook or clean out her things or do anything really. I am managing ok. My father is inconsolable and my little sister sounds a lot like you. She has a family and children but she was the baby and mom knew she would have a hard time with it.
I could cry all day but that won’t bring back my mom, so I listen to her voice encouraging me to be strong. She would always say “Son, life is a struggle.” And so it is. We’ll get through this. I’m just so thankful to have had a mother that loved her children so much and was loved so much in return. Some people don’t know what that feels like.
You will get through this in the end, no matter how impossible it seems now. We are hardwired for grief. Since the beginning of time, people have been grieving. What we all feel has been felt for thousands of years by our ancestors. We all die at some point. Keep these things in mind.
Also, there is no time limit to grief - you just go one day at a time. Over time, we will begin to heal. .
My wife passed away suddenly 4 1/2 months ago. The grief is like nothing I’ve ever experienced.
I have a suggestion - try to find a GriefShare group near you. It’s a 13-week program and I found it very helpful. A little heavy on the religion but I’m very glad I did it.
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