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Those could be reasons some people "left you alone" but there are others. Not all of them are because they are unfeeling or don't care:
They have no experience associating with someone who has a potentially fatal disease so it makes them uncomfortable.
They might want to support you, but don't know how. That makes them feel uncomfortable, helpless, or guilty.
You may be unintentionally broadcasting an impression that you want to be left alone. So, they're trying to respect that.
They may be afraid of hurting you by saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, so they avoid saying anything.
Cancer and various treatments associated with it are very scary things. Not everyone faces their personal fears very well. Maybe they have unhappy memories of a loved one they had to watch go through treatment or die from cancer. They are personally very afraid of it as a result. Associating with you puts "cancer" in the forefront of their mind which elevates their fear. So, they don't.
I never said people were uncaring.
What I said was I am alone. Have been all my life. Your list really isn't applicable. People did respond to me and yes, I'm glad.
What I said was I am alone. Have been all my life. Your list really isn't applicable. People did respond to me and yes, I'm glad.
Sometimes I need people.
If that's the case maybe your OP was confusing. If people are not comfortable being around you for whatever reason or you choose not to seek them out, the end result is you end up being alone. OTOH, you wrote you've always been alone. That suggests there were reasons for it other than having cancer. Something predisposes you to be solitary. Personality, choices you've made or continue to make, something you do that keeps people at arm's length, you've never been fortunate to find people you can connect with, etc.
Putting that aside for the moment, cancer can be isolating. Patients often feel alone even if socially or geographically they aren't. They can feel that no one else can appreciate or relate to the position they've found themselves in. Look, I get it. I've been there more than once. I also tend to be pretty solitary by nature but reached peace with that a looong time ago. I hardly ever feel lonely. During those times when cancer positioned itself in the forefront of my life I could feel alone in a room full of people I'd known and liked for years.
Last edited by Parnassia; 02-27-2023 at 03:05 PM..
If that's the case maybe your OP was confusing. If people are not comfortable being around you for whatever reason or you choose not to seek them out, the end result is you end up being alone. OTOH, you wrote you've always been alone. That suggests there were reasons for it other than having cancer. Something predisposes you to be solitary. Personality, choices you've made or continue to make, something you do that keeps people at arm's length, you've never been fortunate to find people you can connect with, etc.
Putting that aside for the moment, cancer can be isolating. Patients often feel alone even if socially or geographically they aren't. They can feel that no one else can appreciate or relate to the position they've found themselves in. Look, I get it. I've been there more than once. I also tend to be pretty solitary by nature but reached peace with that a looong time ago. I hardly ever feel lonely. During those times when cancer positioned itself in the forefront of my life I could feel alone in a room full of people I'd known and liked for years.
You seem to be a bit of a downer in this thread. How nice to tell someone that is feeling lonely that they are predisposed to being alone. This was suppose to be helpful??
1st my voicing my loneliness that was triggered by this thread. I expressed my feelings that I admit were over the top..
2nd, you don't know me and you want to evaluate me? You take a nano-second and think you want to explain me?
I think you wanted to be helpful and for that I thank you.
Well, yes, unfortunately we have to "write them to get them." We have to actively engage with people. Most of the relationships in my life would expire if I am not the first one to call . Oh well! People have many obligations and people in their lives.
For instance, I broke my kneecap December 12th. I needed to mostly not move. I was in an incredible amount of pain. I still needed to work. So, I end up isolated because until I have the energy to reengage with people I stay in my cave.
How are you doing?
I want to apologize. I missed your post. While I was worried that no one responded, there you were. I am sorry for not seeing your kind post.
How is your knee now? Im sorry you had to face that. I sprained the muscles under my knee twice, once each knee in about 2 months time. Sometimes they hurt!
I agree it is hard to always be the one to reach out. I always think about how wonderful they answer and listen and share with me. Some people don't.
Again, thank you for asking how I am. I am feeling better today! Went grocery shopping, looked at a thrift store to find a tote bag to bring to the hospital. Didn't find it but I'll look again in the short days before my surgery- March 3rd.
My surgery got moved back - it was supposed to be February 15th but I took the wrong medicine and it would have made it to risky to do the surgery that day. My anesthesiast said she would be watching my blood pressure beat by beat to avoid a heart attack or a stroke. Talked with my doctor. She agreed we should postpone it till the third.
I am happy that it was postponed, I was so stressed the day surgery was supposed to happen.
Wile E. Coyote, hope you have a good week!
Last edited by Wild Flower; 02-27-2023 at 06:51 PM..
I want to apologize. I missed your post. While I was worried that no one responded, there you were. I am sorry for not seeing your kind post.
How is your knee now? Im sorry you had to face that. I sprained the muscles under my knee twice, once each knee in about 2 months time. Sometimes they hurt!
I agree it is hard to always be the one to reach out. I always think about how wonderful they answer and listen and share with me. Some people don't.
Again, thank you for asking how I am. I am feeling better today! Went grocery shopping, looked at a thrift store to find a tote bag to bring to the hospital. Didn't find it but I'll look again in the short days before my surgery- March 3rd.
My surgery got moved back - it was supposed to be February 15th but I took the wrong medicine and it would have made it to risky to do the surgery that day. My anesthesiast said she would be watching my blood pressure beat by beat to avoid a heart attack or a stroke. Talked with my doctor. She agreed we should postpone it till the third.
I am happy that it was postponed, I was so stressed the day surgery was supposed to happen.
Wile E. Coyote, hope you have a good week!
Oh, I am so happy for you that you got to delay your surgery. I have had too many surgeries. I learned to ask them for a Valium because I tend to panic as they roll me through the double doors and into the surgical suite. You might think about asking for that . They give it to you while you are still in the pre-surgical prep area; but, after you sign everything. It's best to put it out of your mind and then when you're there lean on drugs imho.
You know, sometimes it's the little things in life like getting out of the house to the grocery store and a little shopping that can be uplifting. Just doing normal things. It's times like having a very broken kneecap that I really remember to think about the little things I am very grateful for (and the big things too).
This same knee was injured when I was a pedestrian and was struck by an SUV. My knee was crushed in 2005. Then, in December 2022 I slipped on my stairs and went flying and I did not fall directly on my knee. My foot went all the way back up against my arse is what broke the kneecap. A pretty gaping hole. It was exceedingly painful for a long while. I opted not to take any narcotics though. So, it was just Ice and Extra Strength Tylenol.
Now I am walking without my brace and without the cane and in physical therapy. The difference two months makes. There was no comparison with that first accident or even the time I broke my right arm and wrist and had to have surgery on those because they were too badly broken into pieces.
SO, yes, I think I may have mentioned I have Follicular Lymphoma (FL). But, I have been Very Fortunate that it never has turned aggressive and is just going to kill me slowly. The worst thing about it is having an immunocompromised state.
PLEASE LET US KNOW IF YOU WANT TO CHAT BEFORE OR AFTER SURGERY AND ALSO CHECK IN SO WE CAN SEE HOW WELL YOU'VE DONE!! HANG IN THERE!!!
Thanks for asking about my knee. I try not to dwell on it.
You seem to be a bit of a downer in this thread. How nice to tell someone that is feeling lonely that they are predisposed to being alone. This was suppose to be helpful??
1st my voicing my loneliness that was triggered by this thread. I expressed my feelings that I admit were over the top..
2nd, you don't know me and you want to evaluate me? You take a nano-second and think you want to explain me?
I think you wanted to be helpful and for that I thank you.
I was trying to be helpful by trying to suggest that more could be playing into your loneliness than your diagnosis. So, the message gave the impression of a downer but that doesn't mean it can't be useful. IME, taking a step back to look at a problem from a different angle often brings it into clearer focus.
Last edited by Parnassia; 02-28-2023 at 04:37 PM..
I was trying to be helpful by trying to suggest that more could be playing into your loneliness than your diagnosis. So, the message gave the impression of a downer but that doesn't mean it can't be useful. IME, taking a step back to look at a problem from a different angle often brings it into clearer focus.
I did not ask for anyone to analyze my loniness. You don't know me. It is not your place to figure me out. I didn't ask this and I am not interested.
Please drop this line of thinking. And thanks in advance.
I have been trying to post to your message for two hours. I am so exhausted from my appts today that I can't think straight. I will answer tomorrow!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wile E. Coyote
Oh, I am so happy for you that you got to delay your surgery. I have had too many surgeries. I learned to ask them for a Valium because I tend to panic as they roll me through the double doors and into the surgical suite. You might think about asking for that . They give it to you while you are still in the pre-surgical prep area; but, after you sign everything. It's best to put it out of your mind and then when you're there lean on drugs imho.
You know, sometimes it's the little things in life like getting out of the house to the grocery store and a little shopping that can be uplifting. Just doing normal things. It's times like having a very broken kneecap that I really remember to think about the little things I am very grateful for (and the big things too).
This same knee was injured when I was a pedestrian and was struck by an SUV. My knee was crushed in 2005. Then, in December 2022 I slipped on my stairs and went flying and I did not fall directly on my knee. My foot went all the way back up against my arse is what broke the kneecap. A pretty gaping hole. It was exceedingly painful for a long while. I opted not to take any narcotics though. So, it was just Ice and Extra Strength Tylenol.
Now I am walking without my brace and without the cane and in physical therapy. The difference two months makes. There was no comparison with that first accident or even the time I broke my right arm and wrist and had to have surgery on those because they were too badly broken into pieces.
SO, yes, I think I may have mentioned I have Follicular Lymphoma (FL). But, I have been Very Fortunate that it never has turned aggressive and is just going to kill me slowly. The worst thing about it is having an immunocompromised state.
PLEASE LET US KNOW IF YOU WANT TO CHAT BEFORE OR AFTER SURGERY AND ALSO CHECK IN SO WE CAN SEE HOW WELL YOU'VE DONE!! HANG IN THERE!!!
Thanks for asking about my knee. I try not to dwell on it.
Last edited by Wild Flower; 02-28-2023 at 09:43 PM..
You have a good attitude towards your broken surgeries and LF! I did go into a twilight sleep before they took me to the operating room for the surgery to determine if it was uterinecancer. One minute we were waiting for the operating room, and they told me about the medicine they would be giving me and the next it was all done.
I have had to adjust my medicine that I take. Half of the medicine I had to be hold, starting on different days. I am almost ready for surgery tomorrow! Guess what time I have to go? 6:00 a.m. for 7:30 surgery. Yikes.
You are right about going to the grocery store being a way to get out of the house. I need to go one more time. Kind of daunting to think, what will I want in a month, 6 weeks? Get it now before I can't drive with the pain medicine. LoL
Kind of you to offer to chat but I'm really not into chatting online, just the mechanics of it and all. I won't be in the hospital very long- one day/ night or two. I look forward to being in the hospital, even a short while with the help of the nurses and doctors. I probably won't be online very much during this time. Just soak up real life Adventure! Hahaha almost as good as going to the grocery store. Well, better really. Not sure when I'll be online again.
I will let you all know how I'm doing later.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wile E. Coyote
Oh, I am so happy for you that you got to delay your surgery. I have had too many surgeries. I learned to ask them for a Valium because I tend to panic as they roll me through the double doors and into the surgical suite. You might think about asking for that . They give it to you while you are still in the pre-surgical prep area; but, after you sign everything. It's best to put it out of your mind and then when you're there lean on drugs imho.
You know, sometimes it's the little things in life like getting out of the house to the grocery store and a little shopping that can be uplifting. Just doing normal things. It's times like having a very broken kneecap that I really remember to think about the little things I am very grateful for (and the big things too).
This same knee was injured when I was a pedestrian and was struck by an SUV. My knee was crushed in 2005. Then, in December 2022 I slipped on my stairs and went flying and I did not fall directly on my knee. My foot went all the way back up against my arse is what broke the kneecap. A pretty gaping hole. It was exceedingly painful for a long while. I opted not to take any narcotics though. So, it was just Ice and Extra Strength Tylenol.
Now I am walking without my brace and without the cane and in physical therapy. The difference two months makes. There was no comparison with that first accident or even the time I broke my right arm and wrist and had to have surgery on those because they were too badly broken into pieces.
SO, yes, I think I may have mentioned I have Follicular Lymphoma (FL). But, I have been Very Fortunate that it never has turned aggressive and is just going to kill me slowly. The worst thing about it is having an immunocompromised state.
PLEASE LET US KNOW IF YOU WANT TO CHAT BEFORE OR AFTER SURGERY AND ALSO CHECK IN SO WE CAN SEE HOW WELL YOU'VE DONE!! HANG IN THERE!!!
Thanks for asking about my knee. I try not to dwell on it.
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If that's the case maybe your OP was confusing. If people are not comfortable being around you for whatever reason or you choose not to seek them out, the end result is you end up being alone. OTOH, you wrote you've always been alone. That suggests there were reasons for it other than having cancer. Something predisposes you to be solitary. Personality, choices you've made or continue to make, something you do that keeps people at arm's length, you've never been fortunate to find people you can connect with, etc.
. Oh well! People have many obligations and people in their lives.
