Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
This is my 1st time here and hubby and I got devestating news today and that's why I'm here....to vent to someone.
Hubby was diagnosed with esophageal cancer 7 years ago and was told 2 weeks to two months to live. Hubby went into remission for 3 years but it's back with a vengance the past year or two. Doc told us today there is no more hope and he's going to die sooner, rather than later. We've had 7 more years together than we expected, only 3 of them were good but I'm still happy that he's been alive. Doc would not give me any time frame this time. lol, I knew he wouldn't, not after last time. One of the nurses though told me "sooner than you might think" and I trust nurses' opinions greatly, my mother used to be one.
sera, hope all is going well with your hubs. (((hugs)))
Thanks for letting me vent.
So very sorry to read your post. Sending you lots of thoughts and prayers.
This is my 1st time here and hubby and I got devestating news today and that's why I'm here....to vent to someone.
Hubby was diagnosed with esophageal cancer 7 years ago and was told 2 weeks to two months to live. Hubby went into remission for 3 years but it's back with a vengance the past year or two. Doc told us today there is no more hope and he's going to die sooner, rather than later. We've had 7 more years together than we expected, only 3 of them were good but I'm still happy that he's been alive. Doc would not give me any time frame this time. lol, I knew he wouldn't, not after last time. One of the nurses though told me "sooner than you might think" and I trust nurses' opinions greatly, my mother used to be one.
sera, hope all is going well with your hubs. (((hugs)))
Thanks for letting me vent.
I'm so very sorry to read this. This is my fear with my hub- stage 4 tonsil cancer 2 years ago. I'm seeing that this is pretty common. On another board I go to; one member went for his last 5 year scan; he was debating not going since he'd been clean so long & was told it was in his lung. He hasn't been back in months; apparently it's "eating his body" & it's not good for him either.
If they told you 2 weeks to 2 months; I would go with what the nurses said & prepare with hospice if you haven't already called them. Once the body starts shutting down; it goes pretty quick. They stop eating; drink less. The eyes also change but you may not notice it. You may also notice a sweet ammonia like scent coming from their pores. With my dad; we found it easier to have him cathed; it also allowed the nurses to see the urine output as well as color; so they could see everything shutting down. When he stops being hungry/thirsty; do not force it because he could choke.
Do you know his wishes? Does he want to stay home? If so; do you have help? Do you know if your insurance will cover 24/7 hospice nurses?
Thank you all for your hugs. I am so sorry to hear of other's battle with this horrible disease. I am praying for you all also. You all will be in my tears too. I know it's terrible that other's misfortune make one feel better and not so all alone but that's how I feel. I hope I am not a freak by feeling that way and you guys feel that way too.
Rose, a co-worker's hubby had tonsil cancer also and he's been cancer free for 20 years last October! I also have a friend who just underwent tratment for it and is doing okay. It is not an uncommon cancer for those who never had them removed as a child. My friend has never smoked a day in his life either, so WTH knows what triggers it??? My parents smoked all their lives and never "got it". I've smoked since I was 9 years old and except for breathing trouble, God is watching over me too.
I talked with him last night about his wishes. I already knew about no wake or funeral but I asked about DNR wishes and he got freaked out and wouldn't talk to me for very long about it. One minute he said no bringing him back or trying to save him but then next second wants me to. He says he's afraid I will get in trouble for letting him die. I think he may choke to death during one of his coughing spells. I know I won't "get in trouble" so I have no problem honoring his wishes if he chooses DNR but if he wants to be brought back to go through it all over again, I may have a problem with that. That's just me not knowing how strong the will to live is. He's already died once and was in The Light, so I didn't think he was afraid to really die again. I think I was wrong. He said he wasn't but I think he was wrong too, when push comes to shove and you know you are going to die soon. Knowing makes a big, big difference. Last time was an accident. Whatever, I will abide by his wishes no matter what I think. It's not my life to decide. I might panic and want his body to stay with me too. IDK. I can not imagine my life without him. He is my rock, my friend, my world.
Thank you all for your hugs. I am so sorry to hear of other's battle with this horrible disease. I am praying for you all also. You all will be in my tears too. I know it's terrible that other's misfortune make one feel better and not so all alone but that's how I feel. I hope I am not a freak by feeling that way and you guys feel that way too.
Rose, a co-worker's hubby had tonsil cancer also and he's been cancer free for 20 years last October! I also have a friend who just underwent tratment for it and is doing okay. It is not an uncommon cancer for those who never had them removed as a child. My friend has never smoked a day in his life either, so WTH knows what triggers it??? My parents smoked all their lives and never "got it". I've smoked since I was 9 years old and except for breathing trouble, God is watching over me too.
I talked with him last night about his wishes. I already knew about no wake or funeral but I asked about DNR wishes and he got freaked out and wouldn't talk to me for very long about it. One minute he said no bringing him back or trying to save him but then next second wants me to. He says he's afraid I will get in trouble for letting him die. I think he may choke to death during one of his coughing spells. I know I won't "get in trouble" so I have no problem honoring his wishes if he chooses DNR but if he wants to be brought back to go through it all over again, I may have a problem with that. That's just me not knowing how strong the will to live is. He's already died once and was in The Light, so I didn't think he was afraid to really die again. I think I was wrong. He said he wasn't but I think he was wrong too, when push comes to shove and you know you are going to die soon. Knowing makes a big, big difference. Last time was an accident. Whatever, I will abide by his wishes no matter what I think. It's not my life to decide. I might panic and want his body to stay with me too. IDK. I can not imagine my life without him. He is my rock, my friend, my world.
I told what I did to hopefully make you not feel so alone; because I know you do feel alone at times. I did when my dad was dying & also with my hub.
My hub's is HPV positive & my guess is so is your friends. Even though they know more now; it's still not as positive as it should be. It's common for some to end up with lung cancer or other head & neck cancers a few years later. My hub's is the type that spreads; so that's the bad part & why I hold my breath.
As far as DNR; it's what we did with my dad because he was already brought back once & the Dr told me to make sure I made signs on the bedroom door & over his bed. My dad went peacefully; breathed in & never let it out; I hope the same for your hub.
I told what I did to hopefully make you not feel so alone; because I know you do feel alone at times. I did when my dad was dying & also with my hub.
My hub's is HPV positive & my guess is so is your friends. Even though they know more now; it's still not as positive as it should be. It's common for some to end up with lung cancer or other head & neck cancers a few years later. My hub's is the type that spreads; so that's the bad part & why I hold my breath.
As far as DNR; it's what we did with my dad because he was already brought back once & the Dr told me to make sure I made signs on the bedroom door & over his bed. My dad went peacefully; breathed in & never let it out; I hope the same for your hub.
Hang in there & keep us posted.
~Hugs
Thank you so much, Rose. I do feel much better now.
Reviving this thread-- mom got diagnosed today after they removed a large tumor from her throat. She had acid reflux for a few years and didn't think much as the symptoms worsened. She has a scan later this week to see how far its gone. From the intial biopsy and cell changes they think IIb at the least.
What I am reading is scary. Survival rates don't seem very high. My mom is 65 and generally not a positive or well person in general-- she has been talking about dying for years and lacks the "get better" attitude that so often pulls people through something like this. She also complains of pain a lot and has for many years, so no one is really sure how bad this is. Its certainly not sounding fantastic. She was not a smoker or drinker. The docs are already talking about more surgery and chemo/radiation. What am I in for? What sorts of plans should I be making?
Reviving this thread-- mom got diagnosed today after they removed a large tumor from her throat. She had acid reflux for a few years and didn't think much as the symptoms worsened. She has a scan later this week to see how far its gone. From the intial biopsy and cell changes they think IIb at the least.
What I am reading is scary. Survival rates don't seem very high. My mom is 65 and generally not a positive or well person in general-- she has been talking about dying for years and lacks the "get better" attitude that so often pulls people through something like this. She also complains of pain a lot and has for many years, so no one is really sure how bad this is. Its certainly not sounding fantastic. She was not a smoker or drinker. The docs are already talking about more surgery and chemo/radiation. What am I in for? What sorts of plans should I be making?
I sent you a private message.
Where is your mom located? You may want to think to get a consult at a large university center.
My mom is in the suburbs outside of Washington DC, so she has access to some great treatment.
The prognosis is not good. Everyone I have spoken to (family, doctors, friends) are all saying to prepare for the worst and steel myself for the fact that she does not want to fight this. My sister sent me a pic-- she looks alarming. Color is terrible, she has lost a lot of weight since I last saw her, she has deep circles under her eyes. The docs are saying that they have to do chemo to shrink the mass at the opening to her stomach so that she can get some solid food down, but she is saying that she is not sure she wants to go through that for a few extra months of life. I am really broken up about this-- my mom and I are not super close, but yet my reaction has been much more than I would have expected. I don't know what to do or how to help.
So sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you do not live too close to her? Is your sister the primary one who is helping mom at this point? You might just ask sis what would be most helpful right now. Gas money for doctor's appointments, comfortable clothes (for ease of changing before/after appointments), but most of all, being emotionally supportive and available. You might make a point to call a little more often just to check in.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
One of the nurses though told me "sooner than you might think" and I trust nurses' opinions greatly, my mother used to be one. 
