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My son's getting married in May. He's 28 and his fiance is 31 (gay couple) I think they make a really good couple too, so I am really happy for them. One set of parents is giving them 10K, and we are giving them 20K. We said they could keep whatever they didn't spend as a wedding gift, but it looks to me like they will spend almost all of it on the wedding. They are romantics are really want a nice wedding with lots of the traditional stuff. I was hoping they would do something smaller/more modest and keep money toward a down payment on a house or something like that. But hey at least it looks like they won't have to contribute too much themselves to the expenses and will have a wedding they will really like. All my relatives (everyone lives out of town) will be flying in or doing a long drive in. It will be really fun to have them all here.
I'm just curious about others: Where is your wedding going to be or where was it, what will it be like -- location, guests, and what is your expected cost breakdown.
This wedding is being held in a cute historical area called Soulard in St. Louis about 20 minutes from where they live (They've been living together for about a year). Both sets of parents are local and the other side of the family have lots of relatives in the area. They are just having relatives and their friends, but even with that it looks like there will be about 110 people.
My guestimate is that they will spend 28K -- I am rounding to the nearest $100. They have prices and arrangements for everything except for tuxes and flowers.
Here's the price breakdown
$5700
Venue for both wedding and reception - (Saturday for five hours) -- It's a beautiful historical church with patio too that is now a wedding venue. I did fall in love with the place just like they both did, so that makes it easier to fork over the money.
$4200
Food for reception (They are doing BBQ -- good food and less expensive than most other options. You have to pick from one of the vendors preferred caterers. They are opting for nice china, etc. to make it more formal. The other family is picking up for this.
$4000
Open bar. I'm a non-drinker and so are most of my extended family. The other side though wouldn't consider a wedding without an open bar / more modest drink selections like wine with dinner and sodas. Again I'm glad the other family is picking up for this as OMG is as much as the food.
$3700
Photographer. They are both super into photography themselves, so they were super picky on what photographer to get. Also they want major photoshoots near the Arch where my son works as well as in historic Soulard, so are getting the photographer for a long time.
$2400
Wedding Planner. I didn't think they necessarily needed this, but it does make it easy. No one in the family needs to make sure all is working out with wedding planner to tend to everything. Also the planner has given them tons of great ideas and vendors to pick from.
$1600
Rehersal dinner buffet for 32. This is the one item I did the research on, and DS and fiance both really liked what I came up with. It's at a sports bar that has a lovely little party room that they will decorate with nice table cloths and dishes/napkins. The buffet includes sodas and it's a cash bar (so that really keeps the costs down too). The out of town people on my side add to the number attending. We aren't doing dessert either.
$1200
DJ -- DJ is the same one the wedding planner used at her own wedding and will do both the ceremony and dancing at the reception. There is no organ at the church anymore. Our pastor and organist will do a recording for DS for some traditional music he wants that he will provide the DJ. Pretty cool.
$1000
Cake. They are doing a three multi tier red velvet one and having it delivered.
$700
Pastor -- more than I would need to give her, but she's just so great and this is what I want to do. It's something I can do because I'm paying. She's met with them multiple times, is helping with the music recording, and will be spending time and the rehearsal and wedding and dinner / reception. We'll of course invite her husband to these too. DS and I were thrilled that his fiance really liked her.
$600
Invitations
$200
Save the Date
Well that's $25,300 And then there are tuxes -- maybe $300 and flowers -- maybe $1200 (I have know idea. The venue is already so cute, I'm thinking maybe they can be modest with this.
So maybe a total of $26,800 leaving them about $3200 for a gift -- honeymoon or house fund or wedding budget cushion. They have fairly modest plans for a post wedding trip about a month or so after the wedding.
They bought their own rings.
Wow -- This will be fun, but gosh it's a lot of money.
I find that a heart-stopping amount of money for a day. Our whole day including attire, was $2400. We had it at a B&B, 30 people, no dancing/dj after the meal, just mingling.
We were early 40s when we got married 10 years ago, and we didn’t need gifts, so one friend, who is not a professional photographer but has an eye for it, did our photos as a gift. We have exactly 3 wedding photos on display, one on the dresser in our bedroom and two others as part of a wall collage. Another friend, who is an excellent baker, made our cake as a wedding gift, and the venue we used provided a dessert with the meal so it was mostly just for the photo op. We got to bring our own wine and beer, so that also saved costs.
A friend is planning his wedding for later this year. The venue they wanted to use for the ceremony is $5000 so they are considering City Hall instead. Theirs will be about 50 people so he is looking into a couple of restaurants that have banquet facilities on site.
Right now he’s stuck on wanting to keep alcohol costs down and only providing red/white wine and possibly beer, no hard liquor. There is a small dispute right now because his partner’s family wouldn’t like that. He’s of the mind that when you come to a wedding, you accept what is offered, and if your preferred drinks aren’t available, you’ll survive one meal without them. His partner thinks it’s bad manners.
I would expect people of their age to be funding their own wedding.
I would guess it's about what one would expect to spend on a wedding these days. I look at it and think I would rather spend the money on an elaborate honeymoon trip which would still provide great memories like a wedding is supposed to do.
Curious.... Last people I knew that served liquor at a wedding reception had to buy insurance to cover any liquor related incidents/accidents. Is that included in the venue or not required?
I find that a heart-stopping amount of money for a day. Our whole day including attire, was $2400. We had it at a B&B, 30 people, no dancing/dj after the meal, just mingling.
We were early 40s when we got married 10 years ago, and we didn’t need gifts, so one friend, who is not a professional photographer but has an eye for it, did our photos as a gift. We have exactly 3 wedding photos on display, one on the dresser in our bedroom and two others as part of a wall collage. Another friend, who is an excellent baker, made our cake as a wedding gift, and the venue we used provided a dessert with the meal so it was mostly just for the photo op. We got to bring our own wine and beer, so that also saved costs.
A friend is planning his wedding for later this year. The venue they wanted to use for the ceremony is $5000 so they are considering City Hall instead. Theirs will be about 50 people so he is looking into a couple of restaurants that have banquet facilities on site.
Right now he’s stuck on wanting to keep alcohol costs down and only providing red/white wine and possibly beer, no hard liquor. There is a small dispute right now because his partner’s family wouldn’t like that. He’s of the mind that when you come to a wedding, you accept what is offered, and if your preferred drinks aren’t available, you’ll survive one meal without them. His partner thinks it’s bad manners.
What a sensible way to do it Katnan, -- sounds like it was lovely and so reasonable budget wise. You're more in my line of thinking about what to pay for a wedding.
The alcohol thing for your friend and differences of opinions are very similar to the opinions of my son (less alcohol -- wine and beer with dinner) vs. his fiance (The wedding is a family celebration and he has a family who would think it would be tacky not to have a good open bar). The compromise was the open bar (fiance felt super strong about that), but part of that is that his side of the family is paying for that. What I was surprised about and happy about was that my future son-in-law had no issue whatsoever with having a rehersal dinner with just coffee, sodas, provided. He liked that idea - wanted to have drinking discouraged the day before the wedding for close family members and those in the wedding.
I would expect people of their age to be funding their own wedding.
I would guess it's about what one would expect to spend on a wedding these days. I look at it and think I would rather spend the money on an elaborate honeymoon trip which would still provide great memories like a wedding is supposed to do.
Curious.... Last people I knew that served liquor at a wedding reception had to buy insurance to cover any liquor related incidents/accidents. Is that included in the venue or not required?
Yeah -- I think a lot of couples are paying for a good part of their weddings themselves.
And from statistics I read about wedding prices looks like this one is above the median wedding cost, but below the average wedding cost (average being higher most likely due to a good number of people having really extravagant affairs or fairly extravagant affairs).
In their case -- They are two great, personable, reliable, and hard working guys but neither makes much money, so it was really nice for them that parents on both sides offered some funds.
No extra insurance in our case is required for serving alcohol. Maybe that's already included in the prices of the alcohol package. You have to go thru the venue for any alcohol -- can't contract with anyone else.
What a sensible way to do it Katnan, -- sounds like it was lovely and so reasonable budget wise. You're more in my line of thinking about what to pay for a wedding.
The alcohol thing for your friend and differences of opinions are very similar to the opinions of my son (less alcohol -- wine and beer with dinner) vs. his fiance (The wedding is a family celebration and he has a family who would think it would be tacky not to have a good open bar). The compromise was the open bar (fiance felt super strong about that), but part of that is that his side of the family is paying for that. What I was surprised about and happy about was that my future son-in-law had no issue whatsoever with having a rehersal dinner with just coffee, sodas, provided. He liked that idea - wanted to have drinking discouraged the day before the wedding for close family members and those in the wedding.
It does make a difference that the family is willing to pay for it. My friend and his partner are footing the bill themselves and his partner's family are heavy drinkers, so he's not interested in funding them all getting drunk, or at least not on hard liquor. I also like the idea of no alcohol at the rehearsal, keep everyone clear eyed for the next day.
My parents got married in the late 60s, and my grandmother was running the show and she wanted no alcohol and a tea and crumpet kind of reception. My mom told her that my dad and his family wouldn't be there, lol My dad's side is from Eastern Europe and for them, alcohol is customary at any occasion, not to get drunk from but it's just a natural part of their celebration. It was about the only thing mom "won" on for her day.
Many people their age will think 28k is a bargain because they see people online spending $100k or multiples of that.
It's their wedding let them decide. You have given a generous amount, if they need more they probably already have figured that out (and won't tell you how much the actual total is if they are smart). No ones business except theirs.
Now is the time to think about how you will enjoy the wedding, what relatives you look forward to seeing.
Our wedding was very modest, held at husbands parents home, would not change a thing 37 years later.
How a couple handles wedding decisions, especially money, tells a lot about their future life together.
I find that a heart-stopping amount of money for a day. Our whole day including attire, was $2400.
Agreed. Unless you're worth millions, $30,000 is a breathtaking amount of money to spend on a party.
The last two weddings I've been to were pretty basic affairs. One had a reception with cupcakes and punch in the church yard and then we were off to a city fair; the other wedding was in a friend's back yard.
I live in the St. Louis area too! I'm curious...is your son getting married at The Abbey? I've never been there but I've heard it's lovely!
I actually live in St. Charles County. My husband and I got married in a restaurant, on a barge, in a slough of the Mississippi over 20 yrs ago. I think, all in, we spent $3500. We had a sit down meal which was $13 a plate. Beer, soda and coffee was provided and there was a cash bar.
Instead of embossed invitations I had them printed. And I did my flowers ( bouquet, buttoniers). I also made all the table decorations. I had 1 attendant. I let her pick her own dress. My only stipulation was that I wanted it floor length. For my husband and his best man, they wore black suits and matching ties. The other guys ( our sons) wore white shirts, black slacks and the matching ties.
My cake came from Schnucks...and I loved it. LOL
My matron of Honors husband was our DJ. I think we gave him $100. And finally, my parents paid for the photographer.
I can't say my wedding was very formal I guess, but I can say we got some a great pictures of the sun setting on the Mississippi, and it was a wonderful time.
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