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I'm afraid I've been guilty of doing to my wife just what your hubby does to you. I promise to change.
Your husband probably feels like you ignore him when he talks, or you'd remember. Until recently I thought I remembered everything anyone said to me. I thought everyone else should too. Now I'm getting older and know I forget things. Most people probably do, they just don't remember forgetting!
My wife always finishes the day off with a few beers, and I think that's mostly when she forgets things. I don't drink, and I admit I don't like that she can't get through the day without alcohol. So for me, it doesn't much matter if she can't remember because she was tipsy or was ignoring me, it has bugged me a bit when she doesn't recall a conversation the next day. Sometimes we make a joke out of it, because I know I forget things too. She's never said I belittle her, but I might have.
Thanks for bringing this up. I'm going to be more tolerant starting now.
One thing people miss about communication is that there are 3 types of people, visual, auditory and kinos. Visual people view and experience the world through what they see. Auditory people experience the world through what they hear. Kinos experience the world through what they touch and feel. Often couples that have trouble communicating, it's due to the fact they experience the world in different ways.
As an instructor, I have to make sure I reach people though all 3 ways so everyone gets it.
WTF? Next time he snaps at you like that...calmly walk into the kitchen...fill a pitcher full of ice cold water...return to the grumpy guy...toss that cold water on him...tell him in a stern voice to chill out...run like hell. Keep the pitcher in your hands...you may need it to defend yourself. Repeat as neccessary. Glad I could help.
IMHO many say they are looking to share a life together, but even more actually want their own darn house with an annuity and a male servant thrown in. she did not sign up to listen to you buddy.
i live alone. nobody has to listen to me. but i am no longer a servant in my own home.
I try to avoid asking my husband any questions or join him in conversation because often i will ask him something he has apparently told me before, and then snap at me. He will reply with, "Like i said" or "Like i told you before" etc etc etc....Only he finds this irritating, my friends dont even notice.. and when i find they have had to repeat themselves, i will apologise for my bad memory and they will tell me to stop beating myself up!!
I admit, my memory is not the best, but i dont believe i deserve to be spoken to in such a belittling way. (well it feels belittling to me anyway! )thats what I'm battling to define, if i really have a problem or if this is mild verbal abuse. He doesnt shout but says it in an incredibly irritated way. I'm getting a huge complex and it used to hurt me so much. but now it just pisses me off.
Does ANYONE else in the world feel like this??
He does need to learn to be a little more understanding. It IS annoying to have to repeat yourself, but if you know that's what you have to deal with..with certain people...you can prep yourself to NOT be so annoyed!
HE can make changes too, you know. He can write more stuff down, so that you will remember. Have a calendar, etc. Even I sometimes have trouble remembering things. Like, my supervisor at work would ask me to come in a half hour early, and since it was a break from my ROUTINE, I'd forget. Or if there's a store-wide meeting, I have to write the time and date down somewhere, or I'll forget it.
You can't take it personally. Maybe you have ADD?? My fiance has it and Lord knows, I have to constantly repeat myself and even catch myself being sarcastic bordering mean with him. I have raised two kids, in my mind, I don't want to have to repeat myself constantly with a grown adult but I have to remember that he really does have ADD and the info is in there, he just can't access it when I need him to. And you know, maybe you have a hectic schedule, the older I get the less I retain and I chalk it up to being up at the crack of dawn and going strong all day. I can't possibly commit every single thing that is said to me to memory - I do try but I can't all the time. We live very busy lives, if your hubby is getting annoyed with you, then just tell him you've been tired, or just tell him what's going on that's making it hard for you to remember things.. I get like that too - we all do.
You're better than me, my response to that probably would've been "it's because I'm try to tune your ass out" and walk away. Don't take my advice though, lol.
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EXACTLY!!!!
