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People used to try to fix me up with guys they thought were better looking than my boyfriend, who later became my husband, it was really irritating. He isn't bad looking but some people in their shallow way will just go with the best looking person they can get. Sure, that usually works out well. (sarcasm).
I know a couple where the woman admits she's with him because he's nice. What does that meeean. Also people have pointed it out to her that he's ugly. He's a nice guy. What I don't understand is that there are other nice men out there. Most men are better looking than him. She loves him. She dated and married someone who she's always known to be ugly. He's a carpenter, he's not rich or popular. He's average in everything except below average in looks. I don't know if I'll ever know why she and other people pick who they picked. People say you can't be with someone you don't find attractive, you can't have sex with them, you can't love them, I would agree with that if I didn't personally know this 1 couple.
Just like they say one man's trash is another man's treasure or beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
As far as this woman goes there may be other nice men out there but the one she is with is the one she met and fell in love with. Most people are not all that attractive physically and most people are not on a journey to find that one person who is both physically attractive and nice, etc. Most people just meet others in their social circle.
I have met people who are physically very attractive but their character, or personality is not. After awhile their physical attractiveness seems to fade, out shadowed by their inner self. And just the opposite. Those who aren't physically attractive but have qualities I find attractive become physically attractive in my eyes as their inner self shines brighter than their outer appearance.
I dont know who told you that one cannot be with someone who is not physically attractive. Peoples looks change through aging, sometimes disfigurement through accidents, and just life. Attraction, love, even sex is more than just ones outward looks.
Assuming the less attractive person doesn't have status or is rich. Because one could point to that as being the reason they're with that person. I know attractiveness is subjective to an extent. But, sometimes you can tell that someone didn't win in the looks department. On a scale of 1 to 10, if a 10 means they're really attractive, they'd be a 1 or 2. The attractive person could have chosen someone attractive or even someone average looking. Does anyone know of a couple like this or is in such a relationship?
What are the reasons why they picked him or her as their partner? I'm not trying to offend anyone or anything. I'm just curious for their reasons.
I've seen a similar post before and this just makes me shake my head in disbelief and say WOW. OMG, are you kidding me?
Outward looks have NOTHING to do with all this. People can NOT help who (and who they aren't) attracted to. Most people that are not that dang shallow will opt to be with a less attractive person because they are nicer, more fun, never trying to impress anyone, just being themselves and HAPPY WITH THEMSELVES. Those are the people that attract ALL kinds of people, super attractive or not so much... who cares?
If you have a conceited, stuck on themselves guy that is SO HOT you are immediately attracted physically and then you're around them about 5 minutes and they are not attractive at all.
Same goes for women. This has been proven. Three girls go for drinks after work. Girl #1 is sort of cute, not so much "pretty" and is laughing and having fun. Girl #2 is drop dead gorgeous. She's looking around to see if anyone is admiring her, with a straight face and remains quiet. Girl #3 is not attractive at all to most people, but she is telling jokes, laughing, being polite and having a great time.
Let the guys in (like a herd of cattle)........
within 10 minutes, Girl 1 and Girl 3 are having conversations and laughing with the guys. They are magnets to other people because they are so outgoing and so internally happy. They are OK with themselves and just fine being single and don't need a man to lift them up and put them on a pedestal. These type women are very likely to find Mr. Right far before the drop dead gorgeous, unhappy, unfun, party pooping girl who is a drag to hang around with.
Looks are what each person perceives them to be. They "see" something maybe other people don't. Maybe they don't have to have 'eye candy' on their arms to boost their own self esteem. I hope by now you 'get my drift'.
Not every person's brain operates exactly the same way - not in terms of how sexual attraction works any more than in any other respect.
OP, are you exactly like everyone else? Given your posting history I think you know that you're not. You admit that you don't live by "society's standards"...so in other words, your life path has not exactly been what "normal people" consider to be "normal." If a thousand other things about how we think and what we choose to do with our lives can vary, then why not this?
Are looks the only conceivable trait that a person could have going for them? Of course not. And as others have said, yes, even attraction based on looks is subjective. I know men who like large bosomed blonde bombshells and I know men who like itty bitty flat chested nerdy brunettes, men who like tall women, short women, younger, older, one ethnicity or another, whiskey voices or high breathy baby voices, dominant women, motherly women, submissive or demure women... And I have likewise known women who have a type, and those types vary all over the map. No man on earth is "hot" to 100% of women, or even 100% of the women who are attracted to men at all!
As shelato said, status can spark attraction, and status is always relative to context. Status rarely comes from looks alone, but is often tied to talent, social skills, wealth or some other thing. As for the man you mentioned whose wife simply says that he is "nice"... You can't ask strangers to explain to you what is in her head when she says that. It's unlikely that she simply means he has basic manners. As you noted, "lots of men are nice"... She probably means something a little deeper than that. She feels safe and comfortable in his company perhaps. Their core values are in good alignment. She likely saw a deeper form of what came off to her as "goodness" in him. It's just easy to say that he is "nice."
Personally, I know that my own attraction does not work the way that it does for my Mom, my best friend, various other women I've known. I have no idea if I would consent to sex, love, or anything with a man just based on his looks alone. Looks really just don't do it for me. If you're good looking, all that means is that I might want to look at you. It may not even mean I'd like to talk to you. I like to look at tigers at the zoo and pretty landscapes and sunsets, too. Does not mean I want to touch the tiger that would probably eat my face off, or necessarily go camping in the landscape or fly into the sunset. I like talking to people and I will happily talk to anyone no matter what they look like, unless they seem like some kind of a jerk. Only when I am talking to them can I determine if I feel any attraction or might want anything more. I've met men who were beautiful to look at, but I did not get along with them, and therefore while perhaps they were technically "attractive"...I was not attracted.
The man I married (second husband, one I'm with now) wasn't exactly in high demand, but I saw a lot in him. It did not matter to me if anyone else saw what I did or not. There is no one I'd rather be with. He was not the best looking option I had at the time, nor the wealthiest. He just was and still is, the best for me. We are extremely compatible in a whole lot of very meaningful ways. And that's what long term happiness is really made of, not good looks, I think.
I've seen a similar post before and this just makes me shake my head in disbelief and say WOW. OMG, are you kidding me?
Outward looks have NOTHING to do with all this. People can NOT help who (and who they aren't) attracted to. Most people that are not that dang shallow will opt to be with a less attractive person because they are nicer, more fun, never trying to impress anyone, just being themselves and HAPPY WITH THEMSELVES. Those are the people that attract ALL kinds of people, super attractive or not so much... who cares?
If you have a conceited, stuck on themselves guy that is SO HOT you are immediately attracted physically and then you're around them about 5 minutes and they are not attractive at all.
Same goes for women. This has been proven. Three girls go for drinks after work. Girl #1 is sort of cute, not so much "pretty" and is laughing and having fun. Girl #2 is drop dead gorgeous. She's looking around to see if anyone is admiring her, with a straight face and remains quiet. Girl #3 is not attractive at all to most people, but she is telling jokes, laughing, being polite and having a great time.
Let the guys in (like a herd of cattle)........
within 10 minutes, Girl 1 and Girl 3 are having conversations and laughing with the guys. They are magnets to other people because they are so outgoing and so internally happy. They are OK with themselves and just fine being single and don't need a man to lift them up and put them on a pedestal. These type women are very likely to find Mr. Right far before the drop dead gorgeous, unhappy, unfun, party pooping girl who is a drag to hang around with.
Looks are what each person perceives them to be. They "see" something maybe other people don't. Maybe they don't have to have 'eye candy' on their arms to boost their own self esteem. I hope by now you 'get my drift'.
All I know is that when we went out as a group of girls, the one beauty among us got ALL the attention. The rest of us were decent looking and all decked out but she would be gorgeous sans makeup if wearing a potato sack. Personality didn't matter, she was actually not that bright and that seemed to even make her more attractive to the guys. We could be the nicest most funny and personable gals but those men could not take their eyes off our gorgeous friend. She was humble about it and embarrassed at getting all the attention. No jealousy she was a sweetheart, married an average guy and had two children who are also extremely attractive.
Personally, I know that my own attraction does not work the way that it does for my Mom, my best friend, various other women I've known. I have no idea if I would consent to sex, love, or anything with a man just based on his looks alone. Looks really just don't do it for me. If you're good looking, all that means is that I might want to look at you. It may not even mean I'd like to talk to you. I like to look at tigers at the zoo and pretty landscapes and sunsets, too. Does not mean I want to touch the tiger that would probably eat my face off, or necessarily go camping in the landscape or fly into the sunset. I like talking to people and I will happily talk to anyone no matter what they look like, unless they seem like some kind of a jerk. Only when I am talking to them can I determine if I feel any attraction or might want anything more. I've met men who were beautiful to look at, but I did not get along with them, and therefore while perhaps they were technically "attractive"...I was not attracted.
Right. I can recognize that someone is objectively good looking, but that doesn't make him "hot" or attractive to me. And other times someone who is less objectively good looking has a certain quality or personality that is just my thing. It's attraction, there's no logic or formula to it.
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