Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Good for you for asking her out. Now you have your answer.
She was not happy or enthusiastic and she did not work with you to find a mutually agreeable date, because she isn’t interested. You know this. The little voice in your head knows this. You don’t like it, but you know it’s true.
It’s hard when our crushes don’t reciprocate our interest, but as you mature, you learn not to allow feelings to build for months at a time before making a move. It hurts because the fantasy in your head went on too long. Now you can move on and find new opportunities to meet women.
She had to have offered up Friday for a reason. There's a small part of me that thinks that she would just outright say no if she wasn't interested.
I don't want to come off as sounding in denial, but asking her out seemed like such a sure thing. We got along so well, we were close, and even other co-workers thought that we'd look good together.
She had to have offered up Friday for a reason. There's a small part of me that thinks that she would just outright say no if she wasn't interested.
I don't want to come off as sounding in denial, but asking her out seemed like such a sure thing. We got along so well, we were close, and even other co-workers thought that we'd look good together.
You might be mistaken friendliness for romance. she shouldn't be feeling nervous in that situation if she was actually interested in you in a romantic way. That's not a good sign.
You might be mistaken friendliness for romance. she shouldn't be feeling nervous in that situation if she was actually interested in you in a romantic way. That's not a good sign.
Why does it seem like so many women are like this? At first I thought it was just the small minority, but now it really does seem like most women are never able to just outright say "No, I'm not interested." It's always mind games and being indirect.
As I read the situation, I thought either of the following responses could be true, there really could be a scheduling conflict. It happens.
Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144
Or, it could be that that's the only time she's free. Maybe your schedules don't mesh. If you think she's not interested, then there is your answer.
She also really could be giving you the polite brush off. This also happens a lot when you fail to strike when the opportunity presents itself. There are some women who when you don't ask them out when they feel you are both interested assume you aren't interested and then give you a polite brush off.
As I see it, the ball is in your court,pay attention to your inner voice. If you are really interested in her follow up and see when she is free after her family obligation has passed. If not move on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katnan
Good for you for asking her out. Now you have your answer.
She was not happy or enthusiastic and she did not work with you to find a mutually agreeable date, because she isn’t interested. You know this. The little voice in your head knows this. You don’t like it, but you know it’s true.
It’s hard when our crushes don’t reciprocate our interest, but as you mature, you learn not to allow feelings to build for months at a time before making a move. It hurts because the fantasy in your head went on too long. Now you can move on and find new opportunities to meet women.
Quote:
Originally Posted by feelbadburger
Why does it seem like so many women are like this? At first I thought it was just the small minority, but now it really does seem like most women are never able to just outright say "No, I'm not interested." It's always mind games and being indirect.
Just like men are pretty hyper vigilant about women who might have some underlying resentments against men, women are hyper vigilant about men who seem to have some underlying issues with women.
One of the most attractive traits in both genders is kindness. A kind partner is something pretty much everyone is looking for. Dating is difficult for everyone some of the time. Everyone has bad days. Give the women you were interested enough to ask out, the benefit of the doubt and assume good intentions on the part of the women you ask out. Honestly a lot of women live up or down to your expectations.
I think it's really important to not assume that because you are having some short term difficulty with a given woman, that there is some sort of larger imagined unresolved conflict between you and women in general. There isn't. There are some really wonderful women in the world and one of the ways you stand out is by acting like a guy who really likes and respects women. Be the guy you think your ideal woman would want to date.
More often than not, you are probably going to get turned down by women you ask out. It happens and everyone is trying to make that happen in the least awkward way possible. Not everyone we like is going to like us back it happens and it's not the end of the world, sometimes we are the wrong guy and sometimes we are the right guy at the wrong time. Don't give up, just about every time I got shot down by a girl, I really liked, I later came across some one who was a better match.
There are plenty of women that I think any of could be really happy with. There is always another person out there. If not this girl, than maybe the next one.
Why does it seem like so many women are like this? At first I thought it was just the small minority, but now it really does seem like most women are never able to just outright say "No, I'm not interested." It's always mind games and being indirect.
This is an unrealistic expectation. Even in non-romantic situations with friends, no one is going to come out with a cold "not interested" people have more nuance in relationships than that. People are aware that other people have feelings and they respect that.
Your expectations about dating in general seem unrealistic and unsure, as others have pointed out here. There's no obligation on the part of this young woman to spell it out for you.
It's on you to learn to be more understanding of social norms.
Having said that, it doesn't sound like she outright rejected your offer, she just didn't want to go out on a week night. She probably has to work Thursday and Friday so it makes sense Friday night (date night) would be better for her.
But it doesn't work for your schedule. That's really all it comes down to.
But....but ...but....she should work around his schedule! As I see it, her work schedule (and any other commitment) is as important as his. Maybe she should have paid more attention when he said he couldn't do Fridays, but that's about it.
Why does it seem like so many women are like this? At first I thought it was just the small minority, but now it really does seem like most women are never able to just outright say "No, I'm not interested." It's always mind games and being indirect.
Because women are raised, and expected by society, to "be nice" and it's not "nice" to disappoint someone/hurt their feelings. Because some women have bad experiences with men who won't take "no" for an answer, which can run the gamut from begging to insults to violence. Women are often even blamed if they do experience violence for rejecting a man, because "she could've just been nice and gone out with him."
Quote:
Originally Posted by E-Twist
But....but ...but....she should work around his schedule! As I see it, her work schedule (and any other commitment) is as important as his. Maybe she should have paid more attention when he said he couldn't do Fridays, but that's about it.
And, she said "not until Friday." Which, to me, doesn't rule out other days.
Why does it seem like so many women are like this? At first I thought it was just the small minority, but now it really does seem like most women are never able to just outright say "No, I'm not interested." It's always mind games and being indirect.
Hasn't little to do with women, more to do with the situation. This is an emotional situation and people just don't want to hurt your feelings by flat out rejecting you, so they give an excuse and most people will get it.
It works the other way around too, for the women who ask men out, men would do the samething.
It's like when you apply for a job, you will not hear from them or they will tell you they looking at other candidates as well, instead of telling you you don't meet expectation. That will hurt people's feelings.
So earlier this morning, I decided to go into my old job and ask her out. We struck up a conversation, I told her about my new job, and then I asked her if she'd be interested in going out. She seemed nervous and the first thing she said to me was "We can't do anything until next Friday" and she cited being busy with family for most of next week. That slightly irked me since I had just told her that Wednesdays and Thursdays are going to be my only real free days, since those will be my days off on a set schedule. I'm going to be a closing manager at a store and Friday-Tuesdays are going to be days when I'll be unavailable on afternoons and evenings since I'll be working as late as 11:30 at night, as well as being expected to be on call if I need to come in early.
Simply put, me and this girl didn't make much as much progress as I had hoped and I honestly don't feel good about her response. She didn't offer up much in terms of alternatives and I already kind of feel like she's just giving me the runaround.
One thing I was thinking about is this, the few times I have been asked out by women, I wasn't really expecting it when it occurred. As the woman was asking me out, I spent a fair amount of time in the moment trying to figure out what is going on instead of thinking about how to craft the perfect response. Essentially every time I was asked out , the woman who did it caught me a little off guard and I was probably a little less suave than I ideally would have preferred to be.
Before a guy asks out a woman, we probably spend a lot more time thinking about her, than she is thinking about us. Most women are caught up in the minutiae of life. What am I having for dinner tonight? Can I go to yoga tonight or do I need to do laundry. I think that there are a lot of guys in women's lives that are effectively NPCs. We are there yet we aren't yet emotionally or romantically relevant in their lives.
Guys have higher testosterone levels and more sexual thoughts. Those sexual thoughts can lead to day dreams that put women on our radar. Then we start paying more attention to her and may decide this woman is pretty cool and attractive. Then as we think about how to best ask her out, we end up spending far more time thinking about this woman than she has ever spent thinking about us.
So I think it is really unrealistic to assume that this woman is on the same page as us with an equal amount of initial enthusiasm as we have for her. That just isn't the case. We are not yet all that important to her. Later on in the dating process women can and do feel attracted to us, but not yet. It's too soon to expect or demand that from this woman.
I suspect that a lot of guys aren't seen as a serious romantic prospect until after we ask them out. That is when women start grappling with how much, if at all, they feel a potential romantic connection with us
So to assume that this woman will initially be both super suave and super smitten with you when you ask her out is really unreasonable.
Definitely overthinking.
OP, you did not "lose" your chance... you never took one.
And until you quit making excuses, you will never have a chance with her.
Correct.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
