I will never make the first move on a man ever again. (husbands, family)

[Archaic]

https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsan...study-upends-i


Men are hunters, women are gatherers. That was the assumption. A new study upends it.

Their findings — published in the journal PLOS One this week — is that in 79% of the societies for which there is data, women were hunting.

[PJSaturn]

Originally Posted by neveragain89

Ok. He just told me he’s not a texter and I told him to call me in an hour. TBC…

So . . . what happened, OP? You posted this 20 hours ago.


.

[Submariner]

Originally Posted by neveragain89

I will never make the first move on a man ever again. Tell me what I’m doing wrong.

So now you know how men feel.

[Johnny Wadd]

People haven't really discussed the true issue here - dating what is essentially your employee (i.e. tour guide). It brings all sorts of problems even if the excursion was a one time 2 hour tour. His company may indeed have some sort of clause to prohibit fraternization with clients to prevent impropriety, favoritism, potential lawsuits, etc. Almost all cruise ships do, the employees are not allowed to fraternize with customers.

You had a professional, not casual, relationship with this man. You paid him to guide you, be nice to you, and help you. He has no interest in continuing these services for free. Now move on with your life. What next, are you going to ask your doctor or lawyer out? Use a better selection process for your potential mates.

[gentlearts]

I wouldn’t ask a man out. Men like the thrill of the hunt. Maybe things have changed since I dated, but it doesn’t sound like it.

There is also a possibility that you are aiming too high.

[2mares]

Originally Posted by Ascension2024

Disagree on 2 out of 3 points you are making. Men are natural hunters, as evidenced by facts in evolutionary biology, simply because men have always been hunters. I can tell you first hand that most men enjoy the chase and some hold it as their only interest. Men ARE more assertive, confrontational and aggressive, because they have much higher levels of testosterone than women. It is as universal as it gets.

Testosterone does not make one a hunter. Man hunted out of necessity. Man moved from hunting to agriculture.

[Bootsamillion]

Originally Posted by neveragain89

I will never make the first move on a man ever again. Tell me what I’m doing wrong. I keep hearing “don’t wait to ask him out, men wish more women would make the first move, etc.”

But after some experiences, I keep getting rejected even though each time I was looking out for signs they were interested too. Signs like staring, going out of their way to come near me, etc. To be fair, the first two were not single and one of them said he was flattered and thanked me for making the first move.

Just recently, I decided to give my number to a guy I met at an excursion on vacation. I know it’s his job to be nice to everyone, but silly me thought he was different with me, so I put my number on a note and gave it to his coworker to give to him. I would’ve given it to him personally, but he went on another boat before I was able to do that.

He texted me back later that evening and even called my number after I didn’t respond a half hour later after the text. I finally responded to him an hour after I got his text, but noticed his replies were so short and indicating no interest. Still, I don’t like to play around and I was only in town for a week, so I suggested coffee. He basically just ignored it and I haven’t heard from him since. I don’t even know why he contacted me if there was no interest. Did he think I needed something from the excursion?

I know now that he wasn’t into me, but I’m asking what I keep doing wrong. I must be reading these guys wrong and giving off the wrong vibes because they were all friendly or at least what I thought “admiring me from afar” and I thought they were just too scared to approach me. I was clearly wrong each time.

Him: Hi this is —-

Me: Hey! Thanks for texting me. I just got back from the beach. How was your day?

Him: Hi you’re welcome I had fun today

Me: how long have you been at your workplace?

Him: 3 years

Me: I’m only here until Wednesday. If you’re free, grab a coffee with me or show me your favorite beach or something.

Me a minute later: I’m going to bed now. I’m still in jet lag mode. (didn’t want him texting me while I was asleep and him thinking I was ignoring his texts)

He replies immediately: ok good night

And I don’t hear from him for 24 hours.

I text him a final text:
Thanks again for showing me how to kayak in the ocean water. You made it look so easy. It’s been on my bucket list to kayak at —-, so I’m going to try it again another time when the water is more calm. It was good practice for me, and now I know I probably shouldn’t do it alone.

This is just my google voice number and I’ll be deleting it soon. If you have Instagram, you can follow me @



No response from him.

If you really believe that these men are "admiring you from afar" and "too scared to approach you", you may want to step back and re-assess your ego.

Why would you text a total stranger, especially one that is working with you, and expect any response at all? The man was being polite, but clearly no interest. He may be married, in a relationship, or, believe it or not, he doesn't find you as attractive as you do.

[2mares]

Originally Posted by RubyandPearl

Yes, the males of almost all mammals are aggressive and territorial by nature, female mammals are as well just not to the same extent.

Males of most species are aggressive often with their own male offspring.

Human babies are so fragile and take so long to mature, unlike other species, it naturally fell to the males to provide food for the family which for hundreds of thousands of years meant hunting.

We might have evolved but basic instinct (ooo good title for a movie) remains within.

Marriages arranged by family happen in highly structured societies with institutions of inheritance, currency, government, social class and more.

They represent a tiny portion of overall marriage customs in the vast human experience. The main function of arranged marriage was to avoid the emotions and natural instincts of people and to bring a more controlled thoughtful approach to the institution of marriage.

Referring to the "mating game" as "hunting" is appropriate as they have a lot of similarities, for women as well as men.

I've had many a girlfriend decide on a guy and go for it. What constitutes the "first move" is up for debate though. it doesn't usually involve going up to a guy and asking him out.

I hope you realize there are over 6,000 different species of just mammals that exhibit a vast difference in aggression and "natural basic instinct". It is foolish to try to compare humans with other mammals.

Arranged marriages, historically, were prominent in many cultures and even today worldwide represent about half of all marriages. There were many reasons for arranged marriages including increasing family wealth and status and preserving culture/ethnicity/religion. Therefore there was no "biological hunting energy" to find a mate. For the most part your mate was found for you.

Have you been hunting?
Stalk, bait, trap. kill, eat? Sounds like a bad deal to me.

[D217]

The OP is not a good hunter, imo. She will starve this winter.

[RubyandPearl]

Arranged marriage statistics are skewed bc of it's prevalence in the Middle East and India, cultures where historically women aren't trusted to make their own decisions. Men make the decisions for them.

Arranged marriage isn't the norm in the rest of the world and wasn't for the thousands of years of human development.

I've never been hunting I don't even like fishing (poor fish, poor worm) but plenty of men still do when there's no necessity food wise, they just like to do it.