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Why hasn't your boyfriend blocked her? I would have left him already.
The only problem I would have with the boyfriend is that he hasn't stood up to the girl and explained to her that he doesn't WANT her to call, he's telling his GF every time she calls. Now she's asking him to come over? O M G. I think he needs to stand up to her first, then ignore her.
It's a messy situation, and I know I could tell him to block her, but I don't want it to reflect poorly on my family, even though I acknowledge it's dysfunctional. I understand that my relationship with my bf can end at any time, and I'm okay if things don't work out. However, my concern is what she would do next. She's messy and toxic, and she dismisses my concerns as if they're imaginary. I've never reached out to any of her previous boyfriends because frankly, I don't care.
It's a messy situation, and I know I could tell him to block her, but I don't want it to reflect poorly on my family, even though I acknowledge it's dysfunctional.
Your sister is the one reflecting poorly on your family.
However I agree you shouldn't tell your bf to block her, that's up to him to do. Or not.
It's a messy situation, and I know I could tell him to block her, but I don't want it to reflect poorly on my family, even though I acknowledge it's dysfunctional.
What do you mean? That he will think your family dysfunctional by you asking him to block her? Bf already knows your family is crazy. He might know your attitude is also without proper self respecting boundaries, the boundaries are so smushed, he must wonder what crazy he stepped into.
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I understand that my relationship with my bf can end at any time, and I'm okay if things don't work out.
That’s a little weird. Did you actually care for him, or was it superficial and not working out or did you envision a future? If the latter, you cannot let sister run off SOs.
I don’t know how old you are, but doing things like this to keep toxic sister in your life sounds very self torturing and arrested in development, and like you’ve been mistreated and gaslit all your life? That you don’t even know the truth anymore? I was around a crazy abuser and it is like a Stockholm syndrome where you see life through the eyes of the abuser and only their needs matter, make sense.
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However, my concern is what she would do next. She's messy and toxic, and she dismisses my concerns as if they're imaginary.
And why do you need to be so bonded to a toxic person like this as an adult? It’s as if you fear separating from her, what would she do next? Lash out, hurt herself or you, have a mental breakdown? I think you need a therapist to help you sort this out. It seems to go far back.
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I've never reached out to any of her previous boyfriends because frankly, I don't care.
Why would you? It’s a breach of trust, respect and privacy.
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It's crazy but blood is thicker than water….
What’s so irresistible about a toxic person? You need to un-enmesh yourself from the family or just her, unless the rest are as inappropriate, or you will be torn apart psychically and may not even be aware what’s happening to you until one day you are old, and wasted your life catering to people who do not care about you, don’t warrant this type of attention, nor warrant this much access to your life.
I wish you well, but it’s concerning, your attitude. Sacrificial.
You need to put yourself first in this and kick her out totally. Then it has to be between you and bf, it’s not a triangle, as much as sister tries.
You need to learn and, keep separation there or you may have many regrets letting her get away with these type of behaviors. It’s very inciting, and could lead to you reacting badly. You don’t want to be led around like this and behaving in ways not like yourself because you are being pushed.
You need to learn and, keep separation there or you may have many regrets letting her get away with these type of behaviors. It’s very inciting, and could lead to you reacting badly. You don’t want to be led around like this and behaving in ways not like yourself because you are being pushed.[/quote]
You need to learn and, keep separation there or you may have many regrets letting her get away with these type of behaviors. It’s very inciting, and could lead to you reacting badly. You don’t want to be led around like this and behaving in ways not like yourself because you are being pushed.
I understand completely! It's incredibly difficult to come to terms with having a problematic sister who interferes with your relationship. It's an embarrassing and distressing situation to deal with. I've noticed that I'm not as easygoing as I used to be, and I'm constantly worried about what she might do next. Maybe an intervention is needed.
By the way, I'm currently seeing a therapist, although not specifically for this issue. I've always had one to help me navigate relationships and stay focused on my goals. My therapist believes that my sister is going through a rough patch and that my relationship might have triggered her behavior. However, I believe that we all have agency and act based on our desires, without always considering the consequences or other people's feelings.
My therapist believes that my sister is going through a rough patch and that my relationship might have triggered her behavior.
Maybe your therapist needs a therapist. What your sister does is entirely her own responsibility.
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