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This is a really long post so please bear with me.
I got out of a toxic relationship around 2 years ago and ago and have been missing my ex a lot lately, I've also seen her with another guy which hurt for me to see.*
I see her around as we live close to each other, we first together 7 years ago but I broke it off as I found out she was engaged to someone else. During that time she got divorced and I stupidly took her back a few years later, she did admit to being in multiple relationships and talking to other guys since then.*
But I broke it off a year and a half ago We got close and had some nice moments but I kept noticing how open she is with other guys and how she'd claim that every other guy was interested in her, she kept pushing me for marriage and kept blaming me for moving too slow just because I didn't want to rush in to marriage.*
Everytime we'd argue about it, she would always say that it's my fault that things are moving slow and that she doesn't like being with someone who can't commit.*
She would always say how she wants someone who loves her more than she loves themselves, that's not normal right?? And She always used to say that she wanted me to open up to her and tell her how I feel and that I can talk to her about anything if I'm ever upset.*
So I did when I mentioned that I didn't like how open she is with other guys, she said that she didn't want to be with anyone that's insecure just like her ex husband was (even though she'd already cheated on her ex husband with me which was unknown to me at the time, so he had a reason to feel insecure).*
I don't get why she'd tell me to talk to her about anything then end up throwing it back in my face! I told her I'm not happy so we agreed to end it, I was confused at first cos she used to tell me that she misses me everyday and after that conversation she ended up blocking me off everything at the start which I thought was childish.*
After we broke up she messaged me on Christmas day saying: 'I just wanted to message you to say that I hope you’re okay and that I feel as though I’m ready to stay as friends with you if that’s what you wanted.. I didn’t think I would ever be able to say that we could stay as friends but I feel like I’m in a good place and I know everything has worked out for the best and I would be really happy to have you as a friend But if you don’t want to hear from me that’s okay too just let me know x' I did reply to her saying that I don't think it's a good idea and I wished her well. She just replied with a simple 'that's fine no worries x'.*
I'm trying to not think about her messaging me, but I feel like I was really getting in to the healing process and was really focused on other aspects of my life such as my career. I know I deserve better but I see her quite often as we live near one another and I can't help but still feel hurt and a part of me still misses her. We were quite sexually active together and i think thats whats making me miss her more.*
I do feel like I have enough anger for the way she treated me to be able to ignore her. I do still feel angry over the situation, not sure if that's normal or not. I have my own auto detailing business which I run on the side of my career and on the weekend, I have a social media page for it and I have set it as a public profile because it is only for business content and I never put anything personal on it.*
In the past when we'd argue, she'd always say that if we broke up it would be my loss.
I sometimes feel sad as I'm alone and haven't dated anyone since her, I often see her around and feel as though I miss her but I know those feelings are only from loneliness so I have every intention of staying away from her.*
I've tried keeping myself distracted by focusing on my career and business, she has tried messaging me a couple months back by sending some charity chain messages although they could be her way of breadcrumbing? I always see her around as we live near one another, there were times where I used to try and get her attention because I missed her but now I just feel angry because I feel like I let her get away with a lot.*
I saw her around 6 months ago and she saw me too and she messaged straight after saying 'hope your good', i don't understand why would she do that I keep seeing her around and I know deep down I know I shouldn't let her get away with treating me do badly, I miss her and sometimes feel stuck.*
A couple of days ago I seen someone that looks like her with another guy but couldn't tell if it was actually her as it was from a distance, I don't know why I'm overthinking it but I think thats whats making me miss her more.
I miss her but I know it's only because I have a trauma bond with her, I've only began to realise how much I let her get away with and it's making me angry to think that she seems as though she can go and live a normal life after treating me like that.
She last randomly text me about 4 months saying 'Hi! Do you want your white cap back? It's just that it's in my wardrobe and I never wear it, you might actually get some wear out of it!'.
She also messaged me 3 days after that to say 'Happy Eid, hope you had a amazing day'. (For context, eid is a religious holiday that both me and her celebrate).
I found it odd that she'd message me twice in the same week but hasn't said anything after, we do usually see each other around but she's never messaged that often not even a birthday message or new years etc.
My father and brother run a grocery store which she often visits, I don't go there often as I have my own job but I do sometimes see her when I'm there helping out. I also think she has blocked my number now but can't be too sure of that, she hasn't blocked me on social media although we don't follow each other.
I feel like I have a toxic attachment to her as I know she's not a nice person to be in a relationship with but I do still miss her, what can I do and do I deserve better?
This is a really long post so please bear with me.
I got out of a toxic relationship around 2 years ago and ago and have been missing my ex a lot lately, I've also seen her with another guy which hurt for me to see.*
I see her around as we live close to each other, we first together 7 years ago but I broke it off as I found out she was engaged to someone else. During that time she got divorced and I stupidly took her back a few years later, she did admit to being in multiple relationships and talking to other guys since then.*
But I broke it off a year and a half ago We got close and had some nice moments but I kept noticing how open she is with other guys and how she'd claim that every other guy was interested in her, she kept pushing me for marriage and kept blaming me for moving too slow just because I didn't want to rush in to marriage.*
Everytime we'd argue about it, she would always say that it's my fault that things are moving slow and that she doesn't like being with someone who can't commit.*
She would always say how she wants someone who loves her more than she loves themselves, that's not normal right?? And She always used to say that she wanted me to open up to her and tell her how I feel and that I can talk to her about anything if I'm ever upset.*
So I did when I mentioned that I didn't like how open she is with other guys, she said that she didn't want to be with anyone that's insecure just like her ex husband was (even though she'd already cheated on her ex husband with me which was unknown to me at the time, so he had a reason to feel insecure).*
I don't get why she'd tell me to talk to her about anything then end up throwing it back in my face! I told her I'm not happy so we agreed to end it, I was confused at first cos she used to tell me that she misses me everyday and after that conversation she ended up blocking me off everything at the start which I thought was childish.*
After we broke up she messaged me on Christmas day saying: 'I just wanted to message you to say that I hope you’re okay and that I feel as though I’m ready to stay as friends with you if that’s what you wanted.. I didn’t think I would ever be able to say that we could stay as friends but I feel like I’m in a good place and I know everything has worked out for the best and I would be really happy to have you as a friend But if you don’t want to hear from me that’s okay too just let me know x' I did reply to her saying that I don't think it's a good idea and I wished her well. She just replied with a simple 'that's fine no worries x'.*
I'm trying to not think about her messaging me, but I feel like I was really getting in to the healing process and was really focused on other aspects of my life such as my career. I know I deserve better but I see her quite often as we live near one another and I can't help but still feel hurt and a part of me still misses her. We were quite sexually active together and i think thats whats making me miss her more.*
I do feel like I have enough anger for the way she treated me to be able to ignore her. I do still feel angry over the situation, not sure if that's normal or not. I have my own auto detailing business which I run on the side of my career and on the weekend, I have a social media page for it and I have set it as a public profile because it is only for business content and I never put anything personal on it.*
In the past when we'd argue, she'd always say that if we broke up it would be my loss.
I sometimes feel sad as I'm alone and haven't dated anyone since her, I often see her around and feel as though I miss her but I know those feelings are only from loneliness so I have every intention of staying away from her.*
I've tried keeping myself distracted by focusing on my career and business, she has tried messaging me a couple months back by sending some charity chain messages although they could be her way of breadcrumbing? I always see her around as we live near one another, there were times where I used to try and get her attention because I missed her but now I just feel angry because I feel like I let her get away with a lot.*
I saw her around 6 months ago and she saw me too and she messaged straight after saying 'hope your good', i don't understand why would she do that I keep seeing her around and I know deep down I know I shouldn't let her get away with treating me do badly, I miss her and sometimes feel stuck.*
A couple of days ago I seen someone that looks like her with another guy but couldn't tell if it was actually her as it was from a distance, I don't know why I'm overthinking it but I think thats whats making me miss her more.
I miss her but I know it's only because I have a trauma bond with her, I've only began to realise how much I let her get away with and it's making me angry to think that she seems as though she can go and live a normal life after treating me like that.
She last randomly text me about 4 months saying 'Hi! Do you want your white cap back? It's just that it's in my wardrobe and I never wear it, you might actually get some wear out of it!'.
She also messaged me 3 days after that to say 'Happy Eid, hope you had a amazing day'. (For context, eid is a religious holiday that both me and her celebrate).
I found it odd that she'd message me twice in the same week but hasn't said anything after, we do usually see each other around but she's never messaged that often not even a birthday message or new years etc.
My father and brother run a grocery store which she often visits, I don't go there often as I have my own job but I do sometimes see her when I'm there helping out. I also think she has blocked my number now but can't be too sure of that, she hasn't blocked me on social media although we don't follow each other.
I feel like I have a toxic attachment to her as I know she's not a nice person to be in a relationship with but I do still miss her, what can I do and do I deserve better?
You are grieving the loss of a relationship not the loss of her in your life.
For me, time and distance. Allow the grieving process to proceed naturally. Allow yourself to go through cycles of mental distraction and self-reflection. Focus on hobbies and other interests (even work) as a distraction but also allow time to reflect. I've also found myself going out on dates to remind myself that there are others out there but resist the temptation to jump into a rebound relationship until the grieving is done.
The fact that you identified it as a toxic attachment is a good step in self-reflection.
This is a really long post so please bear with me.
I got out of a toxic relationship around 2 years ago and ago and have been missing my ex a lot lately, I've also seen her with another guy which hurt for me to see.*
I feel like I have a toxic attachment to her as I know she's not a nice person to be in a relationship with but I do still miss her, what can I do and do I deserve better?
The best way to get over someone - get under someone else. I SAID WHAT I SAID!
As Eve and others pointed out this woman is a train wreck.
Dating someone else will help you get over this woman, but the reason I think counseling might help is you don't want to keep picking women who treat you badly.
This was a bad relationship where you were treated awful, but you put up with her bad behavior and you keep trying to make it work with someone where there is no evidence that she is a dependable partner. I would want to get to why you are doing that.
Do you have job skills that will get you a better job in another city or state? A change of scenery will do you good. Concentrate on your career. Women prefer successful men and when you are successful you become more confident. Women prefer confident men!
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