Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
And to think I've been called argumentative! I enjoy a good debate as much as the next person, but after a while it becomes ridiculous...
It’s not a debate; I flat-out disagree with you, lol. It’s not ridiculous, either; disagreements regularly occur in any forum (and you’re half of this equation).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
Cowboy, there have been other posters around here who have told me in reps or DMs that they don't believe that you are in fact a lawyer, and let me just say that I for one do believe it. I believe it, because of this kind of thing right here.
I’ve also been told there are posters who gossip about my relationship; they think I’m married (and refuse to believe otherwise). In addition, they wrongly think my girlfriend is a RN and/or that she is in CD; she is not. Folks speak more about my personal life in here than I do, lol.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
And the fact that I have had dealings with lawyers and felt by the end like I was paying people to argue with me to the point I felt about ready to flip a table.
That said, since you mentioned it, why would you hire lawyers (relative to their expertise) to foolishly argue with them?
Last edited by CorporateCowboy; 05-03-2024 at 04:55 PM..
Reason: added quote/response
I haven't read all 14 pages, so maybe someone mentioned this already. I think where you live can play a huge role. That and having community, or lack of. Doesn't help if you're an introvert as I am. I'm very sociable in the right situations and nobody has ever said I'm socially awkward. I've actually asked if I come off this way. But I've lived in places where it's hard to meet people. Add to that being new to a place with no community and being middle aged. Well, not a good combo. In fact, I'm planning to move to another country where people are friendlier. That will probably happen in a year or so. Until then, I just work on myself and not worry too much about meeting people. All I can do is be as active as possible and get out of my house. That's it. I do know that having a community of people who are friendly will help. It no longer exists in the U.S.
I haven't read all 14 pages, so maybe someone mentioned this already. I think where you live can play a huge role. That and having community, or lack of. Doesn't help if you're an introvert as I am. I'm very sociable in the right situations and nobody has ever said I'm socially awkward. I've actually asked if I come off this way. But I've lived in places where it's hard to meet people. Add to that being new to a place with no community and being middle aged. Well, not a good combo. In fact, I'm planning to move to another country where people are friendlier. That will probably happen in a year or so. Until then, I just work on myself and not worry too much about meeting people. All I can do is be as active as possible and get out of my house. That's it. I do know that having a community of people who are friendly will help. It no longer exists in the U.S.
I don't agree that this no longer exists in the US, but it definitely is a matter of finding people that you are a good fit with who are open to making new connections. It's why I'm moving back to Colorado Springs. I have that community there in a way that I never really had it anywhere else. But the community of people that I have found so welcoming, would not be a good fit for just anyone.
However... My ex husband who is very different from me in terms of beliefs and politics and a bunch of stuff, also has a good support network in that city. Though in his case, it's centered on an old Army buddy. If it were not for that guy I don't know that he would have what he has there. It's possible, but it would have been harder for him to find, I think.
One thing that I do think applies even in Colorado where I consider people to be very friendly compared to many other regions of the US...you need an "in." You can't just move there and walk out of your front door and have neighbors stopping to smile and wave and chat and invite you to share food. But if you show up a few times to some activity and see the same faces there and your personality is a good fit for the group, you'll quickly have a chance to make friends there. And the ones I've made at least are not superficial, fake, user friends (that happened to me in other places.)
This morning I was having a quick look at the ol' Facebook while drinking my coffee, and I saw a thread started in a group for Gen X women where someone had asked about single women in that age cohort and whether they were happy single or had just become resigned to it. There are a lot of comments and the great majority of them said that they were happy living alone. That they were open to dating, perhaps but did not want anyone in their houses ever again. Many said that they were vastly more lonely in their marriages before they got divorced, than they are now (in other words, more free to engage in social activity now than with a partner around.) It made me think of so many conversations on this site.
I'm very sociable in the right situations and nobody has ever said I'm socially awkward. I've actually asked if I come off this way.
From my perspective, asking someone if you’re socially awkward is socially awkward, in and of itself - perhaps more so than referring to yourself as ‘involuntarily’ single, per the thread.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Don_Draper
I do know that having a community of people who are friendly will help. It no longer exists in the U.S.
We are responsible for developing/maintaining friendships and our own social circle; it’s a two-way street. That you may be having difficulty with such does not translate to ‘it no longer exists’. Friendship and connections are essential to our well-being, but it isn’t going to arrive at your doorstep sans any effort from you.
...you need an "in." You can't just move there and walk out of your front door and have neighbors stopping to smile and wave and chat and invite you to share food.
That just proves DD's point. Maybe you can't now, but you certainly could at one time in the not-too-distant past. My parents, for example, moved around quite a bit in the 1950s and 60s and, in every new location, that's EXACTLY what happened. Each of the neighbors would come over with a casserole or dessert, introduce themselves, smile, chat, be invited in for coffee, and share food. Immediately, social invitations would be extended, and - presto! - they would have friends. Their only "in" or qualifying characteristic was that they were new and needed friends, and people went out of their way to make them feel welcome. And lest anyone say that's anecdotal evidence, there was even an entire organization called "Welcome Wagon" (not that these neighbors belonged to it; they didn't) to ensure that SOMEONE would "stop to smile and chat and share food" with EVERYONE. Anyone who denies that community life has changed drastically in recent decades and not for the better must be either too young to remember or so old that their memory is failing.
Last edited by otterhere; 05-19-2024 at 07:28 PM..
That just proves DD's point. Maybe you can't now, but you certainly could at one time in the not-too-distant past. My parents, for example, moved around quite a bit in the 1950s and 60s and, in every new location, that's EXACTLY what happened. Each of the neighbors would come over with a casserole or dessert, introduce themselves, smile, chat, be invited in for coffee, and share food. Immediately, social invitations would be extended, and - presto! - they would have friends. Their only "in" or qualifying characteristic was that they were new and needed friends, and people went out of their way to make them feel welcome. And lest anyone say that's anecdotal evidence, there was even an entire organization called "Welcome Wagon" (not that these neighbors belonged to it; they didn't) to ensure that SOMEONE would "stop to smile and chat and share food" with EVERYONE. Anyone who denies that community life has changed drastically in recent decades and not for the better must be either too young to remember or so old that their memory is failing.
I believe you. But I was not alive then. And in the earliest times I can remember, the 80s and 90s, no one was doing that. Most places I ever lived, we did not even know our next door neighbors. I find it interesting that this was shifting even before the internet was in every home and a cell phone in every hand. And perhaps at that point it was more a difference between places like where I lived in the sprawl of a huge metro, compared to small towns...though later we did move to a small town and they weren't friendly there, either. Hostile to us as outsiders, if anything.
So yeah I wonder what caused that to change...
But what I'm saying is that while community like that may no longer be the norm, it is still possible to have what a friend of mine calls, "intentional" community. Where you look for people that you will fit in pretty well with and go spend time around them usually in connection to some activity, until you make friends.
I've been going through the estate of my husband's parents. He is a Boomer and they were Silent Gen. I found tons of specialty kitchen gadgets for hosting social gatherings. Fondue pots and bread warmers and so on. And wooden boxes in the cabinets of the bookshelf containing old sets of cards and poker chips and score pads for various card games. His Mom used to really keep them socially engaged. Of course once she passed, along with many of their longtime friends of the same age group, eventually my FIL was left pretty much alone. But I'm keeping that stuff, and taking it back to Colorado where I have friends. Perhaps we'll have some fondue.
Also...just a thought...would you, now, today, if you saw a U-Haul unloading a new family into a home nearby, go and say hello to them? I wouldn't be opposed to doing so, but it's unlikely I'd feel motivated to. It's just not done the way it used to be, and yet, perhaps we should not complain about that if we are part of the very problem...it isn't done because no one is doing it, and each of us is part of that. Yeah? How do YOU feel about chatting with strangers? I don't mind it. But a lot of folks...well. Yeah, things have changed. Not all for the better, I'd agree.
That just proves DD's point. Maybe you can't now, but you certainly could at one time in the not-too-distant past. My parents, for example, moved around quite a bit in the 1950s and 60s and, in every new location, that's EXACTLY what happened. Each of the neighbors would come over with a casserole or dessert, introduce themselves, smile, chat, be invited in for coffee, and share food. Immediately, social invitations would be extended, and - presto! - they would have friends. Their only "in" or qualifying characteristic was that they were new and needed friends, and people went out of their way to make them feel welcome. And lest anyone say that's anecdotal evidence, there was even an entire organization called "Welcome Wagon" (not that these neighbors belonged to it; they didn't) to ensure that SOMEONE would "stop to smile and chat and share food" with EVERYONE. Anyone who denies that community life has changed drastically in recent decades and not for the better must be either too young to remember or so old that their memory is failing.
Thanks for recognizing that. It was easier for me too in my 20's, when I moved to Atlanta from Florida. I always had a great circle in Florida and was able to find the same thing in Atlanta. It's when I had to leave there for the sake of my career that it all changed for me. That was 12 years ago and I haven't had community at all and have been very lonely. Going through a second divorce is going to leave me truly alone yet again. Yes, I'll be a lot less stressed with her out of my life, but I have no social circle and don't enjoy my career. I live in a city that is not "home". In fact, I have no home to go back to, so homeless in that sense, It just sucks. Sonic, I enjoy reading your perspective. I also think you're very fortunate to have that community. Loneliness is an epidemic in this country and I'm living it.
I haven't read all 14 pages, so maybe someone mentioned this already. I think where you live can play a huge role.
Correct. We can only be at one place at one time, and there's a big difference between available partners in LA or NYC and ones is Biloxi Mississippi or Savannah Geogia.
Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere
You can "move on with your life," not choosing to "lower your standards," and still wish you were partnered.
Sure, I mean I can move on with my life while still wishing I was 7'0" dating a super model and being a billionaire with a yacht and private yet too. But at the end of the day if my expectations don't match reality, I'll live a life of regret, disappointment, and depression.
My standards are high, but they are achievable because I've already achieved it and I know where to find it. Some people still think their significant other is going to show up on their front door.
I do know that having a community of people who are friendly will help. It no longer exists in the U.S.
It still does exist, as I am living in one such community.
Next door neighbor sold about a month ago. The people who are moving up here from the South have already met several of the neighbors, myself included. We met them as they were going through the final walkthrough with their agent.
When we moved in five years ago, we were greeted by the neighbors and baked goods.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
