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During my commute to work in the mornings, there is a radio talk show that I listen to. Each day they have what they call "Couple's Court". A couple agrees to share a disagreement with the public, and they each have a "say" in what the issue is. The station allows 5-6 listeners to call in and choose a side, so to speak. The couple has already agreed that the one with more "votes" will win the disagreement, and things will go their way.
The other day it was quite interesting. I'm going to give you the stories from each side, and just curious what you think about it and who's side you are on.
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THE ISSUE:
Kim has been dating John for 3 years. They have been a solid and happy couple, and both of them are 24 years old. Kim has a roomie and John has his own place. Both are in their last year of college and working part time. Kim has a kink come up with her roommate and has to move out.
Kim's Side:
Kim says she asked John if she could just move in with him and he did not think that was a good idea with them both still in school and their ages. That was a little too serious for him at this point. So, Kim puts an add out there and got a bite pretty quick. An old high school friend was also looking for a roommate, and would she like to rent a place together? THE FRIEND IS A GUY. John has a big issue with this and said absolutely not, but Kim has to relocate as soon as possible and there were no other hits for a roommate. She doesn't understand why, since she asked him first and he said "no", why he has a problem with her living with a platonic guy friend.
John's Side:
John loves Kim and he can see a future with her. He sees things getting more serious, but in a more natural way. He wanted them to finish school, secure good jobs, move forward with their careers for a couple of years and then plan to marry. That was the original plan. He also thinks that, with them being just 24 and not even out of school, that moving in could cause issues due to money and other issues. He doesn't think it's a good idea, he wants things to be planned, not rushed in to.
He also has a big problem with her roomie being a guy. He thought she'd find a girl to room with and this is causing a problem with them. He thinks with them living together (Kim and friend), that it is inevitable that they will sometimes run into each other in the hall or walk in on each other in the bathroom or whatever, all of it makes him feel very bad and he will not be OK with that at all.
So, about 5 people called in, saying that "oh hell no, if he said she couldn't move in with him, then she has every right to move wherever she wants and he should not have a problem with it. He's being jealous and insecure." That is what all but one said. So the girl wins, the argument is over and she will move in with the guy.
My thoughts:
John is a level headed young man with goals set for his future, hoping she will be in it. This is not a jealousy issue, it is not an insecurity problem. This is a RESPECT issue. Would she like it if he got a cute little roommate? Hell no, that would not work for me and my fiance'. I'm completely on the guy's side. i think she's being manipulative to a certain degree because he told her she shouldn't move in with him at his place, so she'll show him. I think she may have just cut her own throat. Or as my brother would say "**** in her own mess kit".
John sounds like a great guy with a good head on his shoulders. Hard to find these days. He will eventually end their relationship and I don't blame him. I would never disrespect my fiance' like that and expect him to "deal with it."
Those are my thoughts, what are yours?
I wouldn't go as far as you, but I'm much more on your side. If anyone should leave the other, it should be John dumping Kim. He is being perfectly rational and reasonable. She is desperate, so maybe she's not being manipulative.
3 years is long enough to move in together. He is making up excuses and the fact that he rather has her live with a guy than have her move in, speaks for itself. He was never serious about her.
He should have offered her to move in the moment she was faced with a move.
I advise for her to leave him.
The success of relationships where they move in before even getting engaged is a whole lot lower than ones where they don't. And they are only 24 and not out of school yet!
The success of relationships where they move in before even getting engaged is a whole lot lower than ones where they don't. And they are only 24 and not out of school yet!
Then John should pony up and pay the rent her roommate would pay. At 24, some people are grandfathers, certainly old enough to live together.
3 years is long enough to move in together. He is making up excuses and the fact that he rather has her live with a guy than have her move in, speaks for itself. He was never serious about her.
He should have offered her to move in the moment she was faced with a move.
I advise for her to leave him.
I don't think it's like he would 'rather' she move in with the guy than himself, that didn't come up until after she asked him about it. I don't know, since that scenario is off the radio, if she did or didn't move in with her friend. I do see both sides, but I do understand his side as well.
Agreed. The question isn't what John sees as their future, it's whether or not he trusts her.
I don't think he has a trust issue with her. That's not his deal at all. He just thinks it's a bad idea all the way around for a lot of reasons. She may be perfectly trustworthy, the guy friend may be or not, who knows? But somewhere, at sometime, this is going to open Pandora's Box.
I don’t agree with you. John doesn’t want her to move in with him so, theyre not living together, they’re not engaged, and they certainly aren’t married. So, what right does John have to tell her what to do? Maybe John has to start making some decisions?
He doesn't have the right to tell her what to do, and he's not trying to. He is just voicing his concerns, but he did agree that if more people thought it was the thing to do, he would go along with it. It's after she moves in that makes me believe he will end things, but he may be perfectly ok with it by then. He didn't seem irrational or anything, he just never imagined her moving in with a guy..
The success of relationships where they move in before even getting engaged is a whole lot lower than ones where they don't. And they are only 24 and not out of school yet!
I disagree Bu2, I think the guy is wrong. Three years together is long enough to know each other. And he could offer for her to stay with him until she gets a female roommate to live with. Instead he is leaving her with no choice since she has to act now.
Again, the best answer to this would be for him to have her move in to his place until she gets another female that can be a roommate. Or maybe get a two bedroom place and have them sleep separately, if that's what he's worried about.
There are options available. He sounds like he is unwilling to work with any of them other than his own. If I was her I would run. If this is the way he is as a boyfriend, than just imagine how demanding he would be if they ever get married.
I wouldn't go as far as you, but I'm much more on your side. If anyone should leave the other, it should be John dumping Kim. He is being perfectly rational and reasonable. She is desperate, so maybe she's not being manipulative.
My point is more of John being or I should say "feeling" disrespected should this happen. I doubt very seriously that she would take kindly to her boyfriend moving another girl in to live in him as her home. I personally think it's opening Pandora's Box, and I'm not a jealous person, nor am I insecure at all, and I am engaged. If we were dating as we have been and he had a girl living with him in his home I know me and I know I would NOT like that at all. I think John is unusually wise for his age, and see nothing wrong with him at all. He just wants his girlfriend to have a female roommate and yes, there will be times when they are caught in awkward positions living in the same home. People will talk, which will bother him (even though it shouldn't it will). I see his side and I see someone that is being mature, level headed, and wants everything to be perfect when they do take that step.
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