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I have no idea why the OP will not tell the family what is going on. Until that happens he will continue to be talked about behind his/her back and look like the bad guy. With that said there has to be something to this anger and how his sister told him he was in the wrong.
With that said there has to be something to this anger and how his sister told him he was in the wrong.
People who are being abused typically act this way if they think they can't get out of the relationship. Perhaps they think by standing by their partner their wrath won't be turned on them again.
Actually I know - I don’t want to cause her any distress. If your uncle doesn’t come to your wedding, wouldn’t that be hurtful?
So TELL HER WHY. If she is old enough to get married, she is old enough to handle the details of family drama, especially when it's happening within her own family.
Why are you so evasive about telling why your BIL would do that to you?
That's key information to really understanding the situation.
Why didn't you fight back? Obviously he has no respect for you, but to pin you against the door, fighting back would be just self defense.
Your niece might not have said anything, but there's no way she doesn't know.
Your mother not talking to her brother, I would be so curious to know why if I was in that situation.
For all we know, the BIL could have been defending himself.
For all we know, the BIL could have been defending himself.
From the OP's initial post, it doesn't sound like it. He made no mention of starting a fight.
He basically said, the BIL verbally abuse him and then pin him on the door.
It's odd that he would mention his BIL has threatened him before and verbally abused him for years.
Yet, he doesn't tell why. He's hiding something or his story is not legit.
Also, he said his BIL went on a 30-40 minute tirade on him this time, why didn't the OP just get up and leave, who the hell would just sit there and let anyone do that to them for that long?
From the OP's initial post, it doesn't sound like it. He made no mention of starting a fight.
He basically said, the BIL verbally abuse him and then pin him on the door.
It's odd that he would mention his BIL has threatened him before and verbally abused him for years.
Yet, he doesn't tell why. He's hiding something or his story is not legit.
Also, he said his BIL went on a 30-40 minute tirade on him this time, why didn't the OP just get up and leave, who the hell would just sit there and let anyone do that to them for that long?
Exactly. And where's the update that he promised????
I really want to know why the BIL would do that to him. Not sure why he doesn't even provide that info from the get go, and refuse to provide that info upon request.
That piece of information is so crucial in understanding the situation and proper action to take.
Maybe it's private. It's really not that crucial to telling OP what he should do. Whether OP is in the wrong or not, "stay away from BIL" is good advice, and for that, clearly most people on this thread haven't needed a deeper explanation of the situation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveinMtAiry
I have no idea why the OP will not tell the family what is going on. Until that happens he will continue to be talked about behind his/her back and look like the bad guy. With that said there has to be something to this anger and how his sister told him he was in the wrong.
Possibly, but maybe OP's family loves his BIL and won't take kindly to OP appearing to bad-mouth BIL, especially if they won't believe it. Also, some people/groups just prefer for a person to "take one for the team," even if that person isn't in the wrong-- they should just shut up and live with it, not put the blame on someone else (even if that's where the blame belongs). If BIL is better-liked than OP (or, if people are afraid of him), he's likely to come out on top in this scenario, and maybe OP knows that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by clevergirl67
People who are being abused typically act this way if they think they can't get out of the relationship. Perhaps they think by standing by their partner their wrath won't be turned on them again.
Or, she simply doesn't want to leave the relationship. Heaven knows there are people who will put up with all sorts of bad behavior because they want a relationship, or want that particular person, badly enough that they'd rather shut up and put up than end up single/not with that person/whatever.
Or, it's possible the BIL puts on a good act, whatever started this was between OP and BIL only, and BIL swears innocence to the sister.
Or, she simply doesn't want to believe BIL is a bully. And, see above, that could go for the rest of the family as well-- it's usually easier to stick your head in the sand than deal with the significant fallout of dealing with an unsavory family member.
Uh… You folks do realize that the wedding was TWO WEEKS ago!? Something tells me that an “update” isn’t forthcoming.
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