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I love our cute little grand-daughter so much, and I feel like a wallflower half the time.
We see each other often (about 3x week for a couple of hours) I have to say hello two or three times for her to answer me even if she's not watching TV or doing something that occupies her overly much. Her Mom or Dad get after her when they hear this exchange and then she answers.
When I ask her questions about school or her friends, sometimes she won't answer me.
I don't want to be known as a grumpy grandma, but it's very frustrating and I keep at her until she answers me because I think it will teach her not to be disrespectful towards me. Right? Wrong?
The sun rises and sets with my husband/her grandpa, but he doesn't press these issues.
Her manners aren't the best either.. please/thanks, have to be said every time (yes I blame the parents for that), but I insist on it when she asks for something. She's 5, but she hasn't caught onto it yet that she doesn't get things without saying please and then thanks to me afterwards. If I ask her if she wants something, a lot of time she'll just say NO with a tone. Then I reply with "please don't speak to grandma like that."
I don't want her to grow up to be a teenager, and treating me even more disrespectful.
Am I doing the right thing, or should I just try to ignore the behaviour?
I personally think you are doing the right thing based on what you have written. Five years old is certainly old enough to be taught basic manners!
I would only caution you about being TOO strict (although I didn't get that impression from you). I grew up strongly disliking my grandmother (almost to the point of hating her, sad to say) because she always gave me the idea that I was never good enough for her liking, that I never met her expectations, and that I was a disappointment to her.
From what I understand, this is not extremely unusual.
She's 5. Let that sink in. I'm not saying she may not need a little growing up for her age and the beginning of developing her manners, but your writing suggests you expect a lot. A gentle reminder here and there can't hurt, but that's probably it.
How about finding a video of children or cartoons practicing good manners? Something fun to watch.
Do you do any fun things with her? Is there anyway to make yourself the fun Grandma? Anywhere to go for pony rides? Petting zoos? Amusement parks? What are her interests? Would she like to go get a manicure or go paint a ceramic dish? Decorate cookies? Swimming pool? I am suggesting finding things she wants to do and working please and thank you manners into it.
You are seeing her about 2-3 hours three times a week? that's a lot.
I don't think there is enough happening during her day to keep a conversation going every time you visit her. You're not special if you are there so much. You seem to be describing more of an interrogation than a friendly visit.
You are asking her questions that are of interest to you, not her.
Why don't you plan a tea party with her and invite all her dolls? What about activities with her and you alone? Visit a zoo? Visit a children's museum? Do arts and crafts? Start her on knitting? Read books with her? Play checkers? Maybe she could visit you at your house and you could teach her to bake? Cooking? I think all children like to make meatballs and it's so easy for them to mix the meat mixture with their hands and then form the meatballs. (Just the right amount of mess without creating a major disturbance in the kitchen.) What are her interests?
Standard vs expectation.
Having manners is a two way street.
A simple No, is an answer to a young child.
Unsure how each response must be followed by a please , thank you, yes m'lady!
Overuse of a 'expectation' maybe at the Crux here.
We demonstrate that which we wish to incorporate in others. Badgering is frowned upon in the mannerly world.
Try the soft whisper approach...it's something my d.i.l does with her children. Instead of raising the tone...she does this eye contact with a soft tone ...
Thank you all for your wise answers. I will loosen up on her and not be as insistent with her to answer.
We do crafts, painting, baking and coloring together. Those are things she loves and we do have a fun time together then.
As for her manners, I guess I'm thinking about the way we raised our sons. By three, they were both saying please and thanks. We weren't drill instructors with them, it was just part of every day life, and important to us.
Lillie re:
Quote:
You are seeing her about 2-3 hours three times a week? that's a lot.
We live nearby and either the family comes here for visits, or we stop in at their house (mostly when our son is home from working away, every other week) I cherish our family time together, and I will never discourage our grown children coming to visit us with our grandchildren. Some parents don't have that luxury.
I'm in the minority here, but I see the onset of rudeness in this child's behavior.
Behaviors are learned. Someone is teaching her that it is OK not to use manners, look at people when they speak, use a respectful tone.
Personally, I'd dial back my visits to once a week, and have a life of my own. Balance and self-care are underrated.
Do you say please and thank you when you address her?
Do you greet her with joy?
Absolutely! I was raised with good manners, as were our two grown sons, and yes, of course I greet her with joy.
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