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Yes it's a real pickle.
My daughter/son-in-law can't afford to "buy us out". To matters worse, the reality of us really moving away finally hit my daughter and everyday is a drama-fest. Yelling, crying, sulking, you name it.
Several thoughts--your daughter and SIL don't need to buy you out. Either file the paperwork to divide up the land so you each own your own parcel and house free and clear, or you rent out the house you are currently living in and move.
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Its the classic mother - daughter fights. Both are battling to Mother-hen and both are stubborn!
You're trying to make this about both sides being wrong. That's not the issue at all. Your wife already got to raise her children. Now she needs to step back and respect your daughter's lead. If she can't do that (what I hear you saying is that your wife has demonstrated repeatedly that she has no wish to improve her bad behavior) then you need to move to a different state and become grandparents that visit several times a year. The space will be better for everyone.
You're trying to make this about both sides being wrong. That's not the issue at all. Your wife already got to raise her children. Now she needs to step back and respect your daughter's lead. If she can't do that (what I hear you saying is that your wife has demonstrated repeatedly that she has no wish to improve her bad behavior) then you need to move to a different state and become grandparents that visit several times a year. The space will be better for everyone.
+1. I totally agree. Grandma trying to be the "Mother Hen" and out-mother the actual mother is way, waaay out of line.
I had the same issues with my mother-in-law, which I've described elsewhere. Some grandmothers (I haven't seen this so much with grandfathers) really seem to believe that being the Grandma gives them the right to be in charge and do whatever they want with the grandkids, against the express wishes of those kids' actual parents. You all definitely need some more space between you.
+1. I totally agree. Grandma trying to be the "Mother Hen" and out-mother the actual mother is way, waaay out of line.
I had the same issues with my mother-in-law, which I've described elsewhere. Some grandmothers (I haven't seen this so much with grandfathers) really seem to believe that being the Grandma gives them the right to be in charge and do whatever they want with the grandkids, against the express wishes of those kids' actual parents. You all definitely need some more space between you.
I agree that is likely (Grandmother trying to "out-mother" the real mother causing problems).
Neither my mother or MIL were vocal about how we were raising our children (their grandchildren). Of course, they loved them, but never tried to overshadow the actual parents (Hubby and me). They occasionally stated their experiences or gave us an opinion but never disagreed with any of our decisions or went against our wishes.
I have heard so many horror stories about domineering grandmothers that when I became a grandmother I decided to be extra, extra careful about my interactions with my grandchildren. I clear everything in advance with both parents, when to visit, how long to visit, what items and books to give as gifts, what to feed them, what activities I do with them, etc., etc. They are the parents so their rules and regulations RULE!
All helpful ideas but I have decided to suck it up and go back to my old job while I continue to look for job closer to my home.
Staying is the least of all evils IMO. Moving would kill you financially.
Look into legally dividing the properties now, before either of you needs to sell. Your daughter could end up having to sell next year, it could be a huge mess for you if she has to sell in a hurry.
I live in the same community as my son and his wife and grandchildren. Does your wife work? If not tell her to look into volunteering she needs something to do, I see my grandkids weekly, I am there if they need me, but we do live separate lives. We get along because we try not to interfere with their role as parents. We do the best we can. But I would never move because the grandkids know we are there if they need us.
I agree that is likely (Grandmother trying to "out-mother" the real mother causing problems).
Neither my mother or MIL were vocal about how we were raising our children (their grandchildren). Of course, they loved them, but never tried to overshadow the actual parents (Hubby and me). They occasionally stated their experiences or gave us an opinion but never disagreed with any of our decisions or went against our wishes.
I have heard so many horror stories about domineering grandmothers that when I became a grandmother I decided to be extra, extra careful about my interactions with my grandchildren. I clear everything in advance with both parents, when to visit, how long to visit, what items and books to give as gifts, what to feed them, what activities I do with them, etc., etc. They are the parents so their rules and regulations RULE!
Crap - old obsolete thread somebody responded to where advice is no longer needed.
This thread needs to die since OP long ago made his decision.
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