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I am 45, have never married and have been thinking a lot about this question lately.
In my small close circle of other female friends I don't think I have any examples of what I would call a Christian marriage. Neither of my parents married. Lately I have been wondering if I have been called to be single; I feel that I have, but I can't actually even explain why I feel that way - it's just that I've been single for so long that I figured 'this must be the way God wants it'. Recently I have questioned this a bit.
I have a Christian friend or 2 that want to remarry and when I ask them why they state because they don't want to be alone. Lately however I've been wondering is that a good sole reason to marry? And I've been wondering more about the purpose behind this type of covenant.
So. With that said, how does one know if they are called to be single? How did you know?
Can you offer some passages I may meditate on to gain more insights regarding God's purpose for marriage?
My personal reasons for not getting married are related to several factors and I will say that I am content to be single at my young elderly age. After much prayer and questioning I believe that the single life is what God intends for me. One reason I decided to remain single is that I witnessed very few successful or healthy marriages growing up. This was reflected in my parents' marriage and the marriages of most of my close relatives. So that had an affect on me especially since I was very sheltered by my mother who often emphasized studies and school as opposed to developing healthy relationships that involved members of the opposite sex.
Another reason, I decided to remain single, is that I grew up as a loner and did not interact with many individuals. Part of that was related to a dysfunctional family situation. As a result I did not develop relationships that were close and even when I dated, I was not able to trust and be open, as far as sharing with members of the opposite sex.
I would say that another reason that I remained single is that I did not love myself growing up. I had to learn how to love myself before I could love anyone else, and this has been a lifelong journey as I have learned more and more about the agape love of God. So the journey has been a long healing process and it continues to be a healing process. People who are married can certainly experience this within the marriage, but I believe that I would have been lost as a person within a marriage without a healthy sense of self love and understanding of who I was.
A final reason that I remain single is because for me personally, being married would cause me to be divided in my focus, I feel as if I could not be fully committed to living for God in the way that I want to be, because my focus would be divided in trying to be a partner within a marriage. A reference would be 1 Cor. 7:34.
I agree with .sparrow in all that marriage can show and teach us about love, but personally for me, I don't feel that it is for me. And I am age 66
i also enjoy being alone and having lots of my own space. I am hardly ever lonely with varied interests and hobbies that have taken over my living space hehe!
God bless.
Last edited by ShanaBrown; 05-02-2024 at 09:42 PM..
I know Paul remarked about remaining as we were when we were first saved. (I believe this was more in reference to not seeking to do something to validate ourselves before God, but that Jesus validates us.) Paul spoke of marriage in terms of not giving the enemy a chance to take advantage of an area where we lack self control. We are taught sex is for those who are married. So if we have that need, then we should get married. However ultimately, marriage as we know it is something that is passing away along with this age. In the next age, no one will be married to each other, but we are married to Jesus (who I believe is God). Because in fact we are married to Him right now (the wedding is yet to take place), we can live as though the next age is happening right now. Thus, we don't have to get married. It is better not to be married, because then you can put your full focus on God. Yet again if we feel like sex is a need for us, then we should get married. It is better to marry than to burn with passion.
If one was married before they knew Jesus, let them stay married. If one was single before they met Jesus, let them remain single. Ultimately, being married or not being married doesn't validate anyone before Yahweh.
Nothing, nothing at all, but I worry when people are fixated on finding their "soulmate" and turn away even very good candidates because there is something just not quite right...not quite "soulmate" about them.
I understand that the post was more about someone becoming a soulmate over a long time and a lot of mutual experiences, with difficulties and losses as well as wonderful times, but this is very easy to misunderstand.
Don't go out looking for a soulmate, look for someone you both like and respect, and can solve problems with. No amount of spark or passion or even mutual common interests will get you anywhere without those qualities.
I would be so bold as to say that the fact that you are 45 and unmarried means that you are called to be single.
From personal experience, I'd have to strongly degree. That's really bad advice.
I got married after 45, and it was a perfect change for me, and the right time for marriage.
Everyone's different, and we have to let each person's uniqueness decide what makes sense to him or her (not others, or what stupid churches try to push).
It's one thing to be content and alone. It's another to be burning with the desire to be married.
Do you want to be married because many others are? Do you believe God is moving you toward single hood?
One, in my former church family, just got married for the first time and I believe she is in her 60s.
I'm all about if you delight yourself in the Lord, He will (in most cases) give you the desires of your heart (Ps 37). If not, He will give you a definite "no" (like Paul & the thorn in the flesh). But you have to be looking at Him, and not everyone else regarding the issue.
From a secular, worldly perspective - it's slim pickins for a good & godly man these days, especially black men (I think I remember that you are black). But God can put a ram in the bush.
Honestly, I'm not sure what I want.
I think the question arises out of curiosity of what God wants for me. It arises because sometimes I get a little lonely and also am not sure I want to live my older years out alone. And sometimes I do also wonder if I'd be "glorifying God more/better" in a Christian marriage where I have a partner that lives by the Word and shares the desire to put God first.
I'm not burning with the desire to be married.
I don't want to be married because others are. I say that because I don't really see marriages around me that make me want to get married.
I am Black, however, I do not see it as relevant to the topic.
I would be so bold as to say that the fact that you are 45 and unmarried means that you are called to be single.
Eh..perhaps? I'm not so sure me being 45 is all that significant.
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Originally Posted by EscAlaMike
Since you are past or at least nearly past childbearing age, what would be the purpose of your getting married?
I think others already answered this pretty well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EscAlaMike
Marriage exists for the sake of the children -- to provide them with a stable environment for their upbringing.
Agree in general but not that marriage exists solely for that purpose.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EscAlaMike
Your singleness is a great gift that makes you free to be used by God in ways impossible and unfathomable to a married person.
Agree with this.
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After much prayer and questioning I believe that the single life is what God intends for me. One reason I decided to remain single is that I witnessed very few successful or healthy marriages growing up. This was reflected in my parents' marriage and the marriages of most of my close relatives. So that had an affect on me especially since I was very sheltered by my mother who often emphasized studies and school as opposed to developing healthy relationships that involved members of the opposite sex. 
