Long term care for someone on the sex offender registry (child, parent)
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I'm unsure where to go or what to do at this point. My uncle (age 70) is in need of long term care. He has liver cancer, issues with his kidneys and heart, dementia, and a host of other problems that have left him unable to function most days. He is unable to care for himself and routinely is transported to the ER for treatment where his confused state leaves him lying to doctors about his actual problems. He has never been married and has no children and nobody to care for him.
it was recommended that he go into nursing home care. However, as a registered sex offender (high risk) who blatantly stated that he does not think what he did was wrong, no nursing home will take him. So he was sent back home. His home is a travel trailer that roach and rodent infested and is filled almost to the ceiling with junk. His medicare benefits and medicaid allow for a home healthcare aide to come once a week, but home healthcare workers refuse to enter (some have even quit their jobs on the spot at the suggestion of entering). They simply call my parents and tell them he needs more care than that. I looked into getting the place cleaned, but that would cost upwards of $5,000. I don't have that kind of money and neither do my retired parents.
My father and mother are already caring for one of my father's sisters with no help from any of the other siblings. As my father has leukemia and my mother has lung cancer, I cannot allow them to enter the trailer to clean it, as it truly is dangerous. There is no place else for him to live at this time, as his sex offender status limits that.
I don't know what to do at this point. Do we let him continue to live there and rot? Or is there something we can do to find him care? My father's health is suffering because of this and the stress of trying to find a solution. My parents can't even get through dinner or a weekend vacation without calls from the sheriff, the landlord, or others saying that something is wrong.
This is a sad and terrible situation, and is also the natural outcome of a lifetime of terrible choices, apparently. One day I will probably be faced with the same scenario regarding my mentally ill brother. I've already decided that he will simply have to become a ward of the state.
Have you met with an elder care attorney locally? Laws and services vary by location.
We have met with an elder care attorney who has said due to my uncle's offender past, our choices are severely limited. Nursing homes and assisted living facilities are reluctant to take in an offender, as it would mean that fewer self paying patients would want to be there and fewer staff would want to work there.
1. We can hire an attorney to petition to get him off the registry. However, he told the social worker at the nursing home where we were trying to place him that he did not think what he did was wrong and would do it again if the opportunity presented itself. He's listed and considered high risk because after years of therapy and counseling, he has shown no remorse and a history of re-offending. Even the best attorneys with this charge $20-30K and have a less than 25% success rate.
2. We can have the trailer declared unsafe and force him to move. However, it took 14 years to find this place him. He burned down his previous home in what he called a suicide attempt. Even homeless shelters won't take him with his status, as the only ones within 100 miles are family shelters.
3. There is a nursing home about 200 miles from where my parents live that does take sex offenders, as well as others on probation, parole, etc. However, there is a long waiting list and application process.
The hospital keeps telling my parents that they need to take him to live with them. In addition to the issues with my uncle's healthcare that they are unable deal with, my parents home is two doors down from a church and a block from a school. He wouldn't be allowed there. So that would mean that my parents would have to buy a new house in the middle of no where for them to live. Given their health, that's a horrible idea. They need to be close to medical facilities and doctors. Plus I think my mother would honestly divorce my father if he wanted to do that.
The deputy showed up yesterday because of reports of my uncle leaving his trailer (he is mobile) without pants and walking around. When the deputy got there, he called my parents to say that he couldn't get my uncle to door. My dad went over and unlocked it for him and they found that my uncle had fallen and said he could not get back up. So he was transported back to the hospital again.
We have met with an elder care attorney who has said due to my uncle's offender past, our choices are severely limited. Nursing homes and assisted living facilities are reluctant to take in an offender, as it would mean that fewer self paying patients would want to be there and fewer staff would want to work there.
1. We can hire an attorney to petition to get him off the registry. However, he told the social worker at the nursing home where we were trying to place him that he did not think what he did was wrong and would do it again if the opportunity presented itself. He's listed and considered high risk because after years of therapy and counseling, he has shown no remorse and a history of re-offending. Even the best attorneys with this charge $20-30K and have a less than 25% success rate.
2. We can have the trailer declared unsafe and force him to move. However, it took 14 years to find this place him. He burned down his previous home in what he called a suicide attempt. Even homeless shelters won't take him with his status, as the only ones within 100 miles are family shelters.
3. There is a nursing home about 200 miles from where my parents live that does take sex offenders, as well as others on probation, parole, etc. However, there is a long waiting list and application process.
The hospital keeps telling my parents that they need to take him to live with them. In addition to the issues with my uncle's healthcare that they are unable deal with, my parents home is two doors down from a church and a block from a school. He wouldn't be allowed there. So that would mean that my parents would have to buy a new house in the middle of no where for them to live. Given their health, that's a horrible idea. They need to be close to medical facilities and doctors. Plus I think my mother would honestly divorce my father if he wanted to do that.
The deputy showed up yesterday because of reports of my uncle leaving his trailer (he is mobile) without pants and walking around. When the deputy got there, he called my parents to say that he couldn't get my uncle to door. My dad went over and unlocked it for him and they found that my uncle had fallen and said he could not get back up. So he was transported back to the hospital again.
I am very sorry his life has come to this. But like I said, it sounds like decades of poor choices prior to the dementia and other health problems.
My brother is 47 and health wise is more like 67. He regularly mixes drugs and alcohol with his prescription psych meds. He's single, no kids, no job. When the program he was in out of state (mandated by the state) called me expecting me to take responsibility for him after our dad died (and mom has dementia) I told them, "No way."
Your dad may have to tell the sheriff's department that he is simply not legally responsible for his brother and sadly that's that. Under no circumstances should your parents sell their home and move your uncle in with them. Your uncle has dementia and look at the state of his current home - he will do something as similar as possible in your parents' home.
Your parents need to meet with an elder care attorney asap to find out other options. But they are not legally obligated to take him in and that's the bottom line. And personally I don't think they are morally obligated either.
And it doesn't surprise me that the hospital assumes your parents should move him in with them - my experience with hospitals is that they just see this as "the easiest solution" from THEIR perspective. They do not tend to look at what is best for a family unit. This would be an easy solution for them.
This seems like a huge problem, and it is a problem but believe me, it's not a problem that state programs aren't familiar with.
How does a nursing home even know he's a sex offender?
Do nursing homes run background checks prior to admission?
Apparently, yes. They have some discretion about keeping him or not based on that. However, he's been determined to be too much of a risk because of the likelihood to re-offend.
Do nursing homes run background checks prior to admission?
Of course they do. He would be living in a group home with dozens or hundreds of other residents. The nursing home has to keep these people safe. They also do extensive background checks on anyone who works in a nursing home, even people who work in the laundry room or cafeteria.
Whatever you do, do not let him stay with your parents. Not even for one day. As for the sheriff or hospital suggesting that, the answer is ..... my parents are dying and cannot cope with more than their own health issues. You can only cope with your parents. I suggest using caller ID and not answering calls regarding him.
Whatever you do, do not let him stay with your parents. Not even for one day. As for the sheriff or hospital suggesting that, the answer is ..... my parents are dying and cannot cope with more than their own health issues. You can only cope with your parents. I suggest using caller ID and not answering calls regarding him.
I agree.
It is sad but sometimes you can not help all of your extended relatives and must concentrate on caring for yourself and your immediate family.
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