Don't want to socialize with colleagues. (good, change, manager, demonstrate)
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I started a new job recently as a secretary for a credit union. I have only bee there 2 weeks. The job is ok - but very stressful. When I clock out I just want to go home to my husband and dog. I have no desire to be around coworkers after that. One of the managers is leaving and they are throwing him a goodbye party. It's next week and that evening I already have plans I'm not willing to change since I have already paid. I told a coworker I wasn't going when she asked and she gave me a puzzled look. This party is for a manager I don't report to. I also don't feel very comfortable with some of my female colleagues as they have not been friendly since I started.
Is it wrong I don't want to go?
Simply get a I wish you well card. If I come across a office thing and I don't want to go (I'm like you I have no interest to socialize after work) I use I have a appointment or I have some family matter I need to attend to.
I started a new job recently as a secretary for a credit union. I have only bee there 2 weeks. The job is ok - but very stressful. When I clock out I just want to go home to my husband and dog. I have no desire to be around coworkers after that. One of the managers is leaving and they are throwing him a goodbye party. It's next week and that evening I already have plans I'm not willing to change since I have already paid. I told a coworker I wasn't going when she asked and she gave me a puzzled look. This party is for a manager I don't report to. I also don't feel very comfortable with some of my female colleagues as they have not been friendly since I started.
Is it wrong I don't want to go?
Just tell the truth. There's nothing wrong with that.
Do your job to the best of your ability, and the rest will take care of itself.
But for goodness sakes.... just be honest and you'll be respected for that. They're probably looking at you like that because they never thought of standing up for themselves that way.
Never, ever should a person who is not living on royalties avoid company parties. Sad truth.
Go, smile, laugh where others laugh, get some food, smile, wave to couple of important people, smile, make a small talk, smile, and quietly disappear English-style.
Remember these people are co workers and acquaintances NOT friends. Make sure you keep it business until you feel you can trust them. You are under no obligation to go to this managers party. You have, after all been there a couple weeks. You have no history with him. I don't understand why people are insisting you go. Strange.
I thought the same thing. Also, the OP as plans that she paid for - I don't think she should scrap plans that are already in the works AND PAID FOR.
OP, I wouldn't worry about it. I'd also be a bit leery that they are having something after hours. While I work for a strange company, the company I work for has these things during the work day, during lunch. For religious reasons, I'd never go to something after hours because that means it'd be in a bar and I can't attend.
You have zero obligation to go. And no - it's not "wrong". However, humans are social animals. And we form perspectives based on what we see/experience. And more often than not, those initial perceptions are often full of inaccuracies.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheNewGirl
No I haven't done anything. They seem to be catty.
It seems you've also made some perceptions about your co-workers. Albeit, by your own admission - you aren't super social, so what are the chances these are just some erroneous first impressions on both sides? Maybe you're simply shy, but coming off as stand-offish. And they're simply reacting to that.
At the end of the day - you don't want to socialize with your co-workers, and there is absolutely nothing "wrong" with that. However, also keep in mind that this MAY bring some disadvantages down the road. It's simply human nature - people tend to help friends before they help others.
And not sure how much experience you have in the CU space. But it's often one where folks don't move around a lot. So people can have some tight relationships through years of working together. Which an be intimidating as the "new person".
It seems you've also made some perceptions about your co-workers. Albeit, by your own admission - you aren't super social, so what are the chances these are just some erroneous first impressions on both sides? Maybe you're simply shy, but coming off as stand-offish. And they're simply reacting to that.
At the end of the day - you don't want to socialize with your co-workers, and there is absolutely nothing "wrong" with that. However, also keep in mind that this MAY bring some disadvantages down the road. It's simply human nature - people tend to help friends before they help others.
I was wondering about a bad first impression situation, as well. You might do well to kill them with kindness--bring in some banana bread once in a while, make sure to wish people a happy birthday, ask them how their vacation went, etc.
I'm friendly with many of my coworkers, and we try to schedule a group happy hour once a month which turns out to be interesting. You find out what people are like outside of work which helps you relate to them at work. But I know that some people don't want to spend any more time then they have to with coworkers.
One of the top reasons I don't miss the corporate world. Forced socialization. I worked in 1 very toxic office and another highly political office filled with snoots.
Agreed. I don't like being forced to go to lunch with co-workers, attend holiday parties, etc. I go to work to work, not socialize.
This is why I'm glad I can work from home occasionally. No office politics during those days.
Well, here's another suggestion....maybe go up to the manager who's leaving sometime when its convenient maybe when others are there to notice. Simply say that you would have enjoyed attending his party but can't due to your concert and wish him good luck. You can present a pleasant face to the group without too much trouble, and not have to change your plans (which are legitimate). Little things like this go a long way with co-workers. I think its a bit more important to make a good impression on a new group of co workers. No one is suggesting that you make a huge deal out of someone you won't be working with, just to be polite and gracious. Someday when you really NEED some good "credit" you'll have it.
This.
Talk to the manager, wish them well in retirement, and apologize for not being able to go to the party due to a show you already have tickets to. It's understandable, and if they don't understand it, oh well.
That being said, I'd try to show up to the next one. Eat some cake, make some small talk, be the 3rd person to leave.
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