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When I lived in a different state, I thought I had plenty of friends.
Now that I've moved to Texas, most of them have stopped talking to me. They're not real friends. They're just people online who can say we know each other.
I don't know where you moved from, but if it's far from Texas what do you expect from your old friends now that you've moved on? I don't mean to sound rude but are your expectations within reason? Do you plan to visit them? How often? Do you expect them to visit you? Are they supposed to phone you? Skype with you? I ask since you imply that online communication isn't good enough.
I've moved 1,500 miles away from where I made my home for 20 years. It wasn't my desire, it was a "best of many bad choices" family situation. I have a couple of friends I stay in touch with, but doing it is a serious commitment. It just so happens they are people without many of the pressures of day-to-day life, in that they only work part-time and their children are grown. So they have time to chat on the phone for an hour or more every week and we are online a lot. But I don't expect most people to direct that sort of time to me. It's not their fault they don't run into me at the market. They can't invite me to meet them for coffee or join them at the movies.
How can people with families, busy jobs, and community commitments have time for the extra work of pursuing a relationship with someone they will likely not see in the flesh for years to come? I moved, not them. I can't expect them to invite me to parties they know I can't come to or provide me with personal, detailed updates on their lives. If I hear from someone, I'm grateful. I don't assume these people don't like me anymore. I just assume that circumstances and distance are keeping us apart.
As for the OP, it is sad if this firing is the cause of broken friendships. But I find that work-related friendships are unlikely to be kept up other than Christmas cards or online communications once you leave a job, even if the circumstances are not controversial.
I am in limbo now; I was and I know now I was a bad fit for a position. The manager and I didn't get along; I was ganged up on and bullied. I am now certain they were not at fault for some of the problems I had and I admit it. My issue is; I am willing to move on, however, friends are now avoiding me. They all text me and say "I am worried", however, calls have stopped. A friend of over 20 years is now scorning me because she says I am giving in to them and letting them win? There is a test of licensure I can take for the position I held, however, the cost is quite steep.
I am in limbo now; I was and I know now I was a bad fit for a position. The manager and I didn't get along; I was ganged up on and bullied. I am now certain they were not at fault for some of the problems I had and I admit it. My issue is; I am willing to move on, however, friends are now avoiding me. They all text me and say "I am worried", however, calls have stopped. A friend of over 20 years is now scorning me because she says I am giving in to them and letting them win? There is a test of licensure I can take for the position I held, however, the cost is quite steep.
Were all these people "fair weather friends?"
I would not consider someone like that a friend.
I was in a position without a job and none of my friends quit contacting me and when one or two of them got downsized I stayed in contact with them.
We are friends and have been for many years and we love each other and will do whatever we have to when/if they need help for anything.
Let the fake friends go. At least you know now that they were only associates, not friends, based on your economic status. Same thing happened to me when I was laid off my job 2 years ago. Daily phone calls turned into text only & next thing you know, the texting stopped too. Now that I'm working again, some have tried to reconnect with me regularly. I just speak out of respect but nothing beyond that. It's not that I'm holding grudges but I don't associate with false people. I know it hurts a little right now due to feelings of betrayal from both them & your former employer but if I were you, I'd just keep my distance from them. At least that would give you time to reestablish your focus & network. This would help you a lot! Good luck!
"Once upon a time" I founded a sports/social organization which drew many joiners and gained me a fair number of persons who held real promise as friends. Then a member entrusted with administrative duties was brought to heel for misuse of funds, resulting in his fomenting discord which caused the group to collapse. Rather than align themselves with the people in the right (who had plenty of incontrovertible evidence), many individuals whined "I didn't get into this for political BS" and made themselves scarce. A growing quantity of my new "friends" either wouldn't return calls or would give me grief and tell me to get lost. (Nice guys finish last, y'know?) There were a few who maintained their loyalty and support, but they all drifted away over time. Without exception I can say GOOD RIDDANCE.
A handful of former co-workers do stay in touch. But overall everybody who's posted about "work friends" has it right. The sense of solidarity gained through common occupational purpose doesn't normally carry over outside the job environment. You get to know colleagues superficially, idly converse about families and hobbies and "did you see that catch in the eighth inning" and whatnot - then when the day is over you wave goodbye and go home. Even after-work socializing carries a ring of forced togetherness. ("What a character she is! He really knows his stuff about the Pats! Is it 9 o'clock yet?") There are three families in life: you're born into one, choose another (friends), and draw an income among the third. So separating from a job has its effects. However, the nature of that social unit is such that parting ought not to leave scars. Bringing a colleague into your world happens on occasion. I've experienced this and it's great when it occurs. Even marriages between a couple who met on the job have of course transpired. As a rule that shouldn't be expected, though, the addition of "chosen family" or finding a spouse.
Fickle is as fickle does. It doesn't matter if the fickle one goes back 20 years or 20 minutes with you. They've shown their true colors and you're better off knowing this.
If you are calling your coworkers "friends", then your expectations from them is unreasonable. You might have considered them as friends while they were just being polite & engaging in small talk with you. They are used to seeing you at their workplace setting, not outside so once you are out of their sight, you are out of their mind as well. Make friends outside work. Add them to facebook, vent about your colleagues, boss, company without any hesitation. Sorry about your job. Hope you can find something new. I understand peoplevtend to gravitate towards their coworkers because we spend so much time with them but try to keep your personal & professional life separate. When you leave your job, you dont lose your personal life as well.
I am in limbo now; I was and I know now I was a bad fit for a position. The manager and I didn't get along; I was ganged up on and bullied. I am now certain they were not at fault for some of the problems I had and I admit it. My issue is; I am willing to move on, however, friends are now avoiding me. They all text me and say "I am worried", however, calls have stopped. A friend of over 20 years is now scorning me because she says I am giving in to them and letting them win? There is a test of licensure I can take for the position I held, however, the cost is quite steep.
Were all these people "fair weather friends?"
Your co-workers may be afraid to contact you because companies often frown upon that, fearing information will be given to disgruntled former employees. Even though a company cannot really tell you what you can do during your free time, they do this quite a bit, and employees are too fearful to reach out to those who were let go, for fear it will get back to someone in the company.
Try not to be hurt, don't take it personally, and try to be less emotionally invested in your next job.
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Rather than align themselves with the people in the right (who had plenty of incontrovertible evidence), many individuals whined "I didn't get into this for political BS" and made themselves scarce. A growing quantity of my new "friends" either wouldn't return calls or would give me grief and tell me to get lost. (Nice guys finish last, y'know?) There were a few who maintained their loyalty and support, but they all drifted away over time. Without exception I can say GOOD RIDDANCE.
