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We have a 15 yr old granddaughter and this story sounds all too familiar. She lies to school officials about her parents abusing her, hoards food (under the bed), pops her siblings and says she did not - even when we are standing right there - and we call her on it. She shrugs it off... We have attended church together, tried to get her involved in sports - medication, counseling and we also identify with the havoc (social svs in and out of our lives) because of the accusations. We are afraid what the future holds for her if she continues on this path but that does not seem to be of concern for her either. It is sad to watch this beautiful girl throw her life to the wind.
Just know - you are not alone - there are others searching for answers....
This is in addition to the post in regards to my granddaughter.... her mother took her to a new doctor and it seems one of her medications was having an adverse effect-plus the depression had never been addressed- she was immediately taken off of the Lithium -the lexapro x2 a day and Zyprexa at night seems to be working much better plus I went to her school on Monday and let them know that they were enabling her behavior by doing things such as "asking her nicely...???" letting her travel to and from classes as she felt like it ??? What in the world - our teens are looking for people that care enough to set boundaries and say NO that is not acceptable. And people that take the time to invest in their lives & say hey your are impt enough for me to take time off of work & figure out what you need to do to pass your grade. I told my 15 year old " God can help you turn it around but you need to meet Him half way".
Monday was a good day, Tuesday was a good day... we're taking it one day at a time.
The liars that are most fearful are those that were born with that "gift" of telling lies which you may never catch, or until it's too late. Some people lie consciously, the more dangerous ones, subsconsciously.
Compulsive, sloppy liars I do not fear so much. They're easy to catch, always tripping over their shoelaces, and their established patterns are predictable to follow.
The lying subject came up with my Aunt, one time, who likes to pride herself in saying she can spot a lie before it comes out of someone's mouth. But, her son has stumped her many a time which has sent chills up her spine. I take the same pride, to the point if someone is adept enough to lie to me and I don't catch it, I'm always tempted to reward that person with a gift!
Four good days and then there was today..... my daughter had already told me my granddaughter had been disrespectful to one of her teachers (Language Arts of all things- the easier class-I thought)-came home & hit baby sister (age 3). I asked to speak to her on the phone & asked how the day went -"fine" ...then I asked why she felt she had to lie to me? She said "I'm not" .... Why did you hit little sister? "I didn't"
So I proceeded to tell her I already knew the deal and it would be the right thing to do to finish her homework and then start on an apology note to the offended teacher. That lady has gone the 2nd mile & she didn't deserve the disrespect [-teachers don't teach for the money]. Plus ,she needs to make up with little sissy.
I called her back later after thinking this thru -told her first off that I love her -and let her know that one bad day after 4 good is not the end of the world - we all have bad days - she asked to come spend the weekend - that will be up to her mom - as that would be rewarding bad behavior... tough situation.
The saga continues ... sometimes we have to step back and look at the full picture -certainly our granddaughter has her way of holding those around her captive with her behavior & her deceit... but then again -over the weekend (will spare you the details) it has come to my attention that the ones that she comes in contact with (peers etc) have taught her well....
Keeps this ole gal humble
Our ds is a compulsive liar. One thing, they are very good at 'triangulation". that is, pitting one person against another. He's great at telling slightly twisted versions of the same tale to different people, then sit back and watch us go at each other. Its his power kick, to keep things all stirred up.
He's involved us with the legal system so many times. We've had more CPS investigations than we can count, all ruled out. But still, it does major damage to your reputation, people wonder why so many investigations, and think there must be something wrong here.
Its impossible to head such liars off. You can't approach everyone they deal with and warn them " my ds is a compulsive liar". Also, lying, or not, certain people are mandated reporters, they must report any suspicion of abuse, regardless of its validity.Its an endless cycle. We finally turned the tables, we reported ds for multiple violations, including stealing our credit cards, stealing from neighbors, physical assualt of me (no, I did not catch my hand in a door, or slip and fall, etc, I finally said this kid abuses me). I've found you can't protect such kids, they just get more enabled.
The only thing you can do to protect yourself against the lies is to live your life above it. Get out in the community, let people see what you are really like, and, keep a good lawyer on retainer.
One of the best methods of turning a liar is to make them sit down and write out their statements. Not short paragraphs, but long retelling of events. It is not so much about the boredom of writing, but getting them to make mistakes you can catch. Every time you catch a mistake, make your child write another statement.
But, the best way of avoiding this altogether is to teach your kids math. It isn't an obvious solution, but teaching math rewires the brain. It becomes more analytical. Kids develop a critical thinking skill and they will start coming to conclusions their best bet is to tell the truth more often than a lie. They will still lie of course, but they will pick and choose their battles, just like adults.
BTW, what does DD and DS mean?
Last edited by Smedskjaer; 04-05-2011 at 10:47 AM..
Reason: One line question.
One of the best methods of turning a liar is to make them sit down and write out their statements. Not short paragraphs, but long retelling of events. It is not so much about the boredom of writing, but getting them to make mistakes you can catch. Every time you catch a mistake, make your child write another statement.
But, the best way of avoiding this altogether is to teach your kids math. It isn't an obvious solution, but teaching math rewires the brain. It becomes more analytical. Kids develop a critical thinking skill and they will start coming to conclusions their best bet is to tell the truth more often than a lie. They will still lie of course, but they will pick and choose their battles, just like adults.
BTW, what does DD and DS mean?
DD = dear daughter
ds = dear son
Just a way of protecting privacy, not to give names
Your suggestion is a good one, might even work with someone else! But my ds just won't write. He will just sit there, or write a few words at best.They've tried that a tschool, he is all mouth but when they ask him to write out a statement, he has nothing to say.
This is where I say you need to set the law and make him write, even if you have to stand right behind him while he writes.
Just take everything away, including computers for play and homework, TV, toys, games, his cool clothing and keep him from seeing his friends outside of school until he starts writing. If he doesn't, tell a psychologist about his continued refusal; it is a useful bit of information about how his mind works.
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