No friends in Iowa! (Cedar Rapids, Iowa City: how much, home, neighborhood)

[ImLooking4friends]

Before I get any negative comments about how it wouldn't matter where I lived that it would all depend on me... I want you all to know that I had dozens of friends and scores of other people who gathered at my home and my business daily. I'm an outgoing super friendly guy with a reputation for being kind, smart, wise, possesing a good sense of humor. People sought me out fo advice, help, answers. People knew my doors were open to everyone... just as long as they respected my home and respected each other while in my home.

That said...

What is up with it being so hard to make friends here in Cedar Rapids, Iowa?

I have lived here five years! My home was like Grand Central Station in Florida. Everyone dropped in and sat around the campfire, came to eat, watch movies, party, relax... They came for advice. They came for a shoulder to cry on. They came because they felt welcome. They came because they knew I not only cared... but I was there for my friends. I shared my home, my wisdom and my good fortune.

Where are all the people here in Iowa? It certainly isn't because I haven't put in the time and effort to try and meet people. I leave a card with people I would like to get to know better wherever I go. I have an upbeat happy go luckly personality. I am sincere, funloving, caring, optimistic, tolerant.

It does not matter how old you are, what color or sexual preference you are, what religion you are or if you're an athiest. It only matters to me that you are a good friend. You are not intolerant/predjudiced to the extreme... too needy, clingy or whiney.

You smoke or you don't. You drink or you don't. You are fat or thin, old or young... You see... I am open to all kinds of people.

If Iowa is truly a friendly place, then all you people who are friendly and could use another good friend... then I invite you to email me at gaspdesign@earthlink.net Please put 'Cedar Rapids Friends' in the subject bar of your message.

I am tired of not having people in my life. I miss people coming over to relax or who need help with something.

I'm a great guy. I like me. I think you would like me too! So shoot me an email and let's start getting a group of friends going. A group of people who like people for who they are and how they act... not what they look like or what they have. C'mon Iowa... Let's be friends!

[Ilovejazz]

What have you done to seek friends? Are you involved in any groups or clubs?

[Bloviator]

What kind of work do you do? Have you made any friends that way? How old are you? Are you single? I'm wondering if some of these things are factors.

I've lived in CR and I found it to be fairly conservative in some ways, and quite family-oriented. Overall, I think Iowans are fairly guarded when it comes to meeting and hanging out with new people.

[summer grace]

I live in IA, but not Cedar Rapids area- but I'm not from here, and you always feel like you don't have an area last name, haven't known people forever, don't have the right ancestry or the right mentality. But, I did grow up in MN/ IA, although I wasn't born there, and still, you always feel like an outsider. I think that is true of smalltowns everywhere though.

I could never make friends either. Finally I decided to get to know people through a forum where people shared my interests ( not this one), and I ended up getting to know people who shared my interests, but lived faraway. I only made one true friend out of it though. They live in Louisiana, and I in IA, we are best friends, and that can be an answer to a no friends problem. It is sometimes hard having someone live faraway, when you want to meet them so much, but there are many advantages too. You are no longer lonely, and you learn about a different place from someone who lives there. It becomes interesting because it's funny how much people can have in common, although they live in vastly different places! And having someone to talk to about things you are mutually interested is fun, even if you can't actually be with them. I think it's better than being lonely in IA. That has just been my experience.

[Bloviator]

I think that is true of smalltowns everywhere though.

But Cedar Rapids has about 120,000 people. Not a metropolis, but anyone should be able to make friends there, and no one is really going to care what your last name is. LOL!

[summer grace]

I have to admit that I've never been to Cedar Rapids. I have only lived in towns 8,000 something or smaller- for the record. I think people in IA are friendly in their own way, but if you aren't the kind of person who wants those kind of people, you have a problem. In the small towns, people do care what your last name is, at least in my experience, but since I've never lived in Cedar Rapids or anywhere near I can't speak about that.

[M TYPE X]

Cedar Rapids has people, but I doubt there is much more to the place than I saw this summer. Move outta Dodge!

[Bloviator]

I personally am not a big fan of CR but it depends on the stage you're at in your life. If you are young and single and looking for fun things to do and a fabulous night life, it may not be for you. If you have a young family or are thinking of starting a family, it has great schools with good sports and fine arts programs, good parks, decent shopping, good job opps, etc. Also the housing options are varied and affordable, compared to where I live (Iowa City). If you are middle aged, it has good restaurants, great (local) fine arts, good hiking trails, a decent minor league baseball team, etc. The overall atmosphere of CR is a mixture of professionals and factory workers and there is a fair amount of diversity, depending on which quadrant of town you choose to live in. It still has the feel of being a big small town, though. At least to me. I can't put my finger on why that is, but it just is. The atmosphere is fairly conservative, though not necessarily politically-speaking.

This city has more fun stuff for small kids to do than my city, in terms of good outdoor play areas, indoor play areas, swiming pools, etc.

[WoodwardGirl]

Originally Posted by Bloviator

It still has the feel of being a big small town, though. At least to me. I can't put my finger on why that is, but it just is.

I think it's because there isn't much transience, especially among leaders. The people who run the chamber and visitors bureau and other civic promotion organizations, not to mention politics, are people who have been here and been in the news for their leadership in other areas. And the people I met 20 years ago as members of committees for a city festival (for example) are now the go-to people in other areas.

Plus, even though there are 120,000 people and you probably aren't going to get to know all of them, you are likely to be able to know something about almost any, for example, architectural firm or even bank that you consider using. And then, once you've used them, they become part of your circle of contacts. So, although I've only lived here about 15 years, I feel like I can reach out and touch someone in any profession or governmental position if I need to do so. For me, that's what makes it like the biggest small town I've ever been in, and I love it. People aren't insular, but, just like the little town in which I grew up, everybody in your neighborhood knows what you're up to. So if my livestock get out while I'm at the hospital visiting my father-in-law, the neighbor who works at that hospital may get a call from her husband, suggesting to his spouse that she drop by the room and let me know I need to get home pronto.

But the reason I started the thread "what does not much to do mean" is that I feel like life here in Cedar Rapids is so busy, with work and family and civic involvement and hobbies that I can't imagine feeling like there isn't anything to do, or worrying about not having friends to "hang" with. Who has time to "hang?" I feel lucky when my friends and I can find time to spend together between work and family commitments. They are people that I met through work, through hobbies, through recreation committees and book or garden clubs, so when we get together, it is to discuss those mutual interests as well as to enjoy one another's company. And then I love my time alone, to enjoy the beautiful scenery, the fertile land, the wildlife; to read a book; and to watch a funny TV show with my husband with a large, economy-sized Poodle draped across each of our laps... people who need to go to a loud, crowded bar to feel like they are having fun or people who live in the midst of all these wonderful opportunities and warmhearted people but can't seem to form friendships, well, they have problems that have to do with them and not with the place, imho. Like Dorothy said, your heart's desire is always within your grasp, and if you can't find it, it is only because you are going about the search the wrong way, not because it is actually lost.

[Bloviator]

But the reason I started the thread "what does not much to do mean" is that I feel like life here in Cedar Rapids is so busy, with work and family and civic involvement and hobbies that I can't imagine feeling like there isn't anything to do, or worrying about not having friends to "hang" with.

I totally 'get' that. I agree, too. I do dislike small towns, but medium sized cities (like CR), I could tolerate. I agree - there is so much going on in life that who has the time to whine that there is "nothing to do"? That's why I often craft my replies based on whether it's a young person, starting-a-family person, older person, etc. I can understand the "nothing to do" comment but only when you are truly talking about "small" towns (under 40K people, IMO).

I have complained about CR but I could live there and be happy, if that was the best option I had. I'm glad you like it.

I lived on the NE side and graduated from Kennedy. I have great memories and there were many good people there, from all walks of life. I would not hesitate to raise kids in CR. I would have liked a more diverse high school, though I understand the other public high schools in town do offer more diversity.