Gay multiracial family moving to metro Detroit ... are we nuts? (Royal Oak: high crime, safe area) - Michigan (MI) - Page 2 - City-Data Forum

sanfranfamily · 07-15-2009, 03:51 PM

Thanks so much for all these great insights. We will definitely add Troy to our list of places to investigate. The Detroit job is seeming about 90% final at this point. We (parents and kids) are flying out the first week of August to look at houses and get a feel for the area.

Has anyone ever had to ship a dog across the country on a plane? The dog's too big to travel in the cabin with us, and I've heard some horror stories about what happens to dogs in the cargo hold. My boys want to bring their goldfish on the plane with them (!!!!), but that's another story.

I'm so glad I found this board ... really appreciate all the advice and info I'm getting here!

Hoarfrost · 07-18-2009, 06:29 AM

Are you nuts? In my not so humble opinion, quite so.

Sure, there are two or three sufficiently gay friendly cities. But as far as having black and multiracial children, I feel like you should know that Detroit has the dubious honour of being one of the top most hyper-segregated metros in the nation. This of course creates a near impenetrable air of self segregation. Even wanting to hang around people who are not members of your own race will immediately mark you off to most people as odd, even among younger people. So I won't even get to having multiracial children...

I don't know why you're leaving San Francisco. Being gay and having a multiracial family, the Bay Area is probably the best place for you in America. I'm trying to get out of here to a place with an atmosphere like San Francisco. Even if you just want to try something new for a change, there are far superior places.

I'm sure many will come out of the woodwork to proclaim their anecdotes about how tolerant and inviting the place that they live is. But the statistical reality is otherwise.

MTUCache · 07-18-2009, 07:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hoarfrost

I'm sure many will come out of the woodwork to proclaim their anecdotes about how tolerant and inviting the place that they live is. But the statistical reality is otherwise.

As much as I'd love to be one of those singing the praises of Detroit suburbs, I'm inclined to agree here.

Detroit suburbs, most especially those suburbs which are "nice" (Troy, Rochester, B'ham, etc) are pretty much no-go areas for most blacks. They're far too upscale for any blatant intimidating racism, but the air of sameness is definitely palpable. Whatever ethnic diversity they do have is mostly made up of asian minorities who are all there for the schools.

Are you crazy? Probably not... but I don't think you'll find anything in Detroit that feels as comfortable as what you're hoping for. Sad to say, but the ingrained race-relations here are as close-minded as pretty much anywhere else in the nation.

beachmouse · 07-18-2009, 08:32 AM

My BIL and his wife live in Ferndale and after some issues with Ferndale schools years back, ended up sending their kids to Royal Oak through the schools of choice program. Since enrollment has fallen in a lot of Oakland County districts in recent years, many of them are glad to take out of district kids and the money they bring in.

Just saying that you're not necessarily tied into a school district if you live within its boundaries.

ckhthankgod · 07-18-2009, 06:51 PM

snoopygirlmi · 07-18-2009, 07:15 PM

I have to disagree with some of the comments about the "nice" suburbs. I can't comment about B'ham too much, but I live in the Troy/Rochester area and they are both diverse areas. Everytime I go to the park or to the library, I see people of every color driving their nice (a lot fancier/expensive than mine) cars and and spending time with their families and shopping- including black people.

I agree that Detroit isn't the most open-minded area in the nation, but the Detroit area is about the most liberal area you will find in the state (counting Ann Arbor as part of the metro area).

I mean, you know something is changing if Obama wins Oakland County and last cycle there was an actually Obama for President office in Rochester! I mean, a democrat presidential candidate actually opening a campaign office in Rochester is a *huge* deal!

I've also lived in Ferndale and Royal Oak and they are nice as well. If you are looking for some place that feels more urban, then maybe those areas would work out for you. As others have said, Ferndale is known for being gay-friendly and Royal Oak is just across the border. If you are looking for some place that feels more suburban/rural, then Rochester/Troy would be a good fit. Rochester/Rochester Hills prides itself on being the most green city in the area and has a lot of parks and trails - and the highest deer/car accident ratio in the state.

I'm from Kalamazoo and I was taken aback by how much race matters here in Detroit. As for the "air of sameness" comment, the great thing about this area is that it isn't the same as the rest of the metro area. I like that it's urban, but it's really the hills and the texture of the land that makes the area for me. Royal Oak, Troy, Ferdale - flat, boring, concrete. It's just not my thing.

sanfranfamily · 07-19-2009, 11:21 AM

Wanted to pop back in and let you know that I'm reading and taking into consideration everything you're posting here. Glad to see the difference in opinion, too. Hoarfrost and MTUCache confirm my worst fears, and many of the rest of you are raising my hopes. So it's a good mix, and I appreciate everyone's opinions! Please don't stop posting!

daddythreepointoh · 07-19-2009, 02:18 PM

Hi there! My wife and I moved to this area 3 years ago from southern California. We are liberals and have 3 small children. Up until March of this year, we lived in Royal Oak.

We absolutely loved it there. People from all over this area couldn't understand why we would pay more to live in RO (or would have paid to live in Ferndale or Birmingham). We found it hard to convey that, being from California, culture and diversity were important to us.

While it's hardly a melting pot, RO in general is pretty diverse, safe, hip, and reasonably priced. From what you have written, I would say go for it. Unless, money is no object...then you may want to look at Birmingham. Being from SF, B'ham may feel feel more at home to you; it has a very urban, upscale vibe. It's my personal fave in the area in terms of aesthetics, schools, and overall environment.

That being said, we loved Royal Oak and were perfectly happy living there. We had to move for personal reasons or would have stayed.

We found the schools varied depending on which one you went to. My daughter went to preschool and it was great but then went to Keller Elementary for kindergarten and we didn't like it as much.

Don't worry too much about not fitting in. There are plenty of "family" around and if you stay in the areas just mentioned, or AA, you should be fine.

P.S. If you pick Ferndale try to stay on the northwest side, which is by far the nicest part of town.

P.P.S. Being from SF, architectural interest may be important to you. While Troy is a fine choice, it's pretty much just strip malls and subdivisions. Stick with B'ham, RO, Ferndale or AA for better aesthetics.

millennialmom · 07-21-2009, 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jeanniepep

Pleasant Ridge which is a sliver of gorgeous homes sandwiched right between Royal Oak and Ferndale. That area is small but just beautiful!! Don't know a thing about the schools though.

I think jeanniepep has portrayed a very accurate picture. I would add that yes, Pleasant Ridge is a beautiful community, but that it is part of the Ferndale school system, which wouldn't be at the top of my list.

Troy and Rochester both have excellent schools. Though they are more suburban, I think you will find a well educated citizenry, where diversity is embraced/celebrated. One of the downsides to Troy/Rochester is the distance to the airport.

If you use air travel on a regular basis, I would second the suggestion of Plymouth. Great downtown, can commute to Detroit, easy airport access and 25 minute or so drive to Ann Arbor.

My $.02. Good Luck in your move. I'm sure you'll find a place to call home.

sanfranfamily · 07-23-2009, 06:13 PM

Hello again ... and thank you all so much for your advice! Can anyone tell me what the issue is with the Ferndale schools? Several people here have advised me to steer clear, and I'm wondering why that is. My kids are 9 and 6, and the 9-y-o has some special needs that will mean he gets extra help in the classroom.

Can't tell you guys how much I value your willingness to share your experiences here. Please don't stop!