[nep321]

So, I have spent the last 6 weeks traveling the entire U.S., since I quit my job in Nov and I have NO regrets! What an unfathomably amazing, amazing country. With that said, one of the purposes of the trip was to visit various places to see if I may want to live there. I put 10,000 miles on my car and spent over $4,000 on this trip. It was totally worth it though.

Anyway, to cut to the chase, I have thought long and carefully about where to live. Right now I'm staying at my parents' house in Granby, and I can't say I'm thrilled or appreciative to be back home in north central CT. It's lame, lame, lame for single gay men who are 28 years old. On the flip side, it's phenomenal for families and married couples. I lost all motivation and desire to stay here any longer. It's gotten to the point where I keep deleting e-mails from recruiters with jobs in the Hartford area.

So, I have my choices narrowed down to two places. I will either make a small move down to the New Haven area, or make a bigger move down to the Charlotte, NC area. Based on my research, New Haven county has about 50% more gay men that meet my criteria than Hartford County. Cost of living is about the same, as well as job opportunities. And I would be a 1-hour drive from family. It's also better for singles and gays.

Charlotte, on the other hand, would only be a 2 hr flight to Bradley, and the job opportunities there are exciting for a young professional. There are many more young people in Charlotte than New Haven and it's more transient, and half of the population there are transplants from other regions of the country. NY and NJ plates can be seen EVERYWHERE over there. I appreciate the mix of northern and southern culture. Makes things interesting. And, the gay population in Charlotte is about three times that of greater New Haven. Not to mention, the cost of living is WAY less, which works well for a single person. It would free up $9,000 a year in disposable income for me, therefore allowing me to spend more money on flights to visit family in CT! I also found the area to be more gay friendly than people would think. I openly admitted I was gay to a random shopper at Food Lion down there and she smiled and said I was cute and we had a good time chatting. My gay friends there are out with everyone and they never had an issue. It's also not as conservative as people think. I mean, the metro area as a whole voted in favor of Barack Obama. The climate is ideal for me, too. Four seasons with an emphasis on summer, mild winters, and mountains nearby for hiking. That's when I crossed Florida off the list. I have friends in the area, and this guy is looking for a roommate for just $500 a month in his brand new house. It would make it easier for me to get started up and look for a job. Plus, the industries in Charlotte are matched closely with my background in financial services and utility industries. Duke Energy is the largest utility in America. Bank of America is also headquartered there, among other companies. I'm not crazy about the sprawl, but no place is perfect, right? I'm sure it will take some time to adjust to the culture, too. But it just seems like it would work better for a young single gay person who is business minded and favors quality of life over nightlife and partying. I'm just glad that I know the pros and cons and have realistic expectations, if I do decide to move there.

Otherwise, New Haven / Milford is the choice for me.

My decision will be made within a day or two. What do you guys think?

[andthentherewere3]

Considering how long your paragraph is about Charlotte, I think you've already made up your mind. Good luck with your move!

[jp03]

Originally Posted by nep321

So, I have spent the last 6 weeks traveling the entire U.S., since I quit my job in Nov and I have NO regrets! What an unfathomably amazing, amazing country. With that said, one of the purposes of the trip was to visit various places to see if I may want to live there. I put 10,000 miles on my car and spent over $4,000 on this trip. It was totally worth it though.

Anyway, to cut to the chase, I have thought long and carefully about where to live. Right now I'm staying at my parents' house in Granby, and I can't say I'm thrilled or appreciative to be back home in north central CT. It's lame, lame, lame for single gay men who are 28 years old. On the flip side, it's phenomenal for families and married couples. I lost all motivation and desire to stay here any longer. It's gotten to the point where I keep deleting e-mails from recruiters with jobs in the Hartford area.

So, I have my choices narrowed down to two places. I will either make a small move down to the New Haven area, or make a bigger move down to the Charlotte, NC area. Based on my research, New Haven county has about 50% more gay men that meet my criteria than Hartford County. Cost of living is about the same, as well as job opportunities. And I would be a 1-hour drive from family. It's also better for singles and gays.

Charlotte, on the other hand, would only be a 2 hr flight to Bradley, and the job opportunities there are exciting for a young professional. There are many more young people in Charlotte than New Haven and it's more transient, and half of the population there are transplants from other regions of the country. NY and NJ plates can be seen EVERYWHERE over there. I appreciate the mix of northern and southern culture. Makes things interesting. And, the gay population in Charlotte is about three times that of greater New Haven. Not to mention, the cost of living is WAY less, which works well for a single person. It would free up $9,000 a year in disposable income for me, therefore allowing me to spend more money on flights to visit family in CT! I also found the area to be more gay friendly than people would think. I openly admitted I was gay to a random shopper at Food Lion down there and she smiled and said I was cute and we had a good time chatting. My gay friends there are out with everyone and they never had an issue. It's also not as conservative as people think. I mean, the metro area as a whole voted in favor of Barack Obama. The climate is ideal for me, too. Four seasons with an emphasis on summer, mild winters, and mountains nearby for hiking. That's when I crossed Florida off the list. I have friends in the area, and this guy is looking for a roommate for just $500 a month in his brand new house. It would make it easier for me to get started up and look for a job. Plus, the industries in Charlotte are matched closely with my background in financial services and utility industries. Duke Energy is the largest utility in America. Bank of America is also headquartered there, among other companies. I'm not crazy about the sprawl, but no place is perfect, right? I'm sure it will take some time to adjust to the culture, too. But it just seems like it would work better for a young single gay person who is business minded and favors quality of life over nightlife and partying. I'm just glad that I know the pros and cons and have realistic expectations, if I do decide to move there.

Otherwise, New Haven / Milford is the choice for me.

My decision will be made within a day or two. What do you guys think?

Cost of living is less , but expect your paycheck to be less too.

[Wilton2ParkAve]

I thought you had already left. Not being snarky- I seem to recall Phoenix, Orlando or San Diego. You need to just pull the trigger- stay or go. I've deliberated less about starting a family.

[kidyankee764]

Originally Posted by Wilton2ParkAve

I've deliberated less about starting a family.

This.

[7 Wishes]

Well I can just note my brother-in-law. He grew up in Westchester County, lived in suburban Boston for awhile (where he met his wife), but when his kids (twin boys and a girl) were 3 and 1 respectively, they moved to the Piedmont Triad (Greensboro/Winston-Salem/High Point) area of NC. He is very politically active (and very very liberal.....I consider myself to be "center-left" and he makes me look like a Tea Partier by comparison), in fact he boasts that he helped squeak NC for Obama in 2008, he's some sort of chair for some county Democratic party committee there.

For the most part, the only reason he lives down there is the affordability and better job market. He and his wife had a lot of trouble with affording metro Boston even with good jobs once kids got in the picture (he works in IT, she's a HS science teacher) and when he lost his job while she was on maternity leave, it was the last straw and he started looking for jobs down there and got one right away. While there are a lot of ex-NYers down there (and more so in the Charlotte and Raleigh-Durham areas), he says there's a lot he feels uncomfortable about too. For one thing, when he first moved there, the neighbors right away asked about what church he goes to (now for the record, he's Jewish and his wife is Catholic, she didn't like this either because A) she's almost as politically left as he is, and B) they were talking about Protestant churches).

He also tends to feel (but it may just be paranoia) that a lot of his "native" friends still think of him as an "outsider" behind his back, etc.

Now this doesn't mean that you will feel like a "surrounded Yankee" down there or that no part of NC is "gay friendly", but just a perspective that may help. Good luck!

[Blazah1080]

I would move south in a heart beat if I thought I could make enough money to live happily- go for it, report back and help us do the same!!

[nep321]

Well, I traveled the whole country. I was very impressed with San Diego and the west in general, but after a while, I grew tired of the dry, brown appearance of the land. I was DYING for greenery again and humidity, believe it or not. My contacts were always dried out and my skin looked worse. On the east coast, with the humidity, my vision is improved and my skin looks naturally moisturized, so I prefer it on the east coast.

I am aware that Charlotte would be quite different than CT. But then again, upstate NY is quite different than CT...or NJ, for that matter. No two places are alike, honestly. No matter where I moved to, there would be at least a minor culture shock. But tens of thousands people have done it and haven't regretted it. Some have regretted it, yes, but many haven't.

I am prepared to be asked about what church I go to, if I do choose Charlotte over New Haven. Big deal. I'll just say, "I don't really go to church" and smile. If they disown me, then so be it. Their problem, not mine. It's 2013. Even in the south, there are a growing number of nonreligious people. So they need to accept it as a reality, and I'm happy to be part of the changing demographics in the South (if I choose to move there). Besides, I'm just a 28 yo single dude. I highly doubt someone would disown me simply because I don't attend church. And, for the record, church membership and religious affiliation is the SAME in Hartford County as it is in Mecklenburg County, NC. Perhaps in NC they are just more outspoken about it. So yes, I would have to get used to that, but if everything else seems like it would work for me, I think it could be worth a shot. No place is perfect!

[Stylo]

Try Charlotte. Get it out of your system. Worst case scenario, you don't like it and move back to try the Milford/New Haven area.

[willow wind]

Well, Nep, I'd say try Charlotte. If nothing else it's warm and you'll get the long, hot summers you like. The Charlotte metro area is quite large and includes parts of SC. You might even be able to afford that newer house in a lightly developed area that you've wanted to so long. You're young and have no responsibilities to anyone but yourself. This is the time in life to try these things.

If it doesn't work out, you can always come back and live in New Haven. Let us know what you decide and come back on the board to say good -bye.