Afternoon tea,illustrating and beloved Britain
Fixed on afternoon tea again,one of my most adored things.Oh I'd love to be in England having afternoon tea,pinwheel sandwiches,little treats and lovely tea all decked out in a girlish way.I can be so prim and so primitive it really is something to behold these two sides of my self that come from such a varied ancestry in which very different worlds collide.Im thinking of some of my ancestors gathered round the hut chanting songs and others like my great aunt in her finery twirling her locket.
I lamented over my decision all afternoon and felt my life really was so limited now.but I thought to myself off the med I'd be struggling with the same issue - the illness,that's just how it is,only I'd have tenfold other issues as well so I might as well just stay on the med.Im damned if I do or don't.The hard thing also is I'm so against what these meds do and their general toxic nature that I'm living beyond my principles but I didn't have much choice.I don't think anyone's advice could help now but I need some.
I long for happier times, I watch YouTube people decorating their houses and going on little trips to the countryside and I lament,there is a sadness though I know my life is purposeful and profound.I just want everything to really go away to start my novels again,the hawk and the Harper etc,to do my MA in Celtic studies,to move into a tiny house in some rural idyll,to decorate,to be in love,to write poems,sing,cook,anything! I miss it all so much.You just never know with this illness what the week will bring and if you'll be okay.So how can you live and do anything,I don't know, I guess I'll have to try.But my gosh I wish it would all fall away so I could live my life.
I suppose a woman dying of cancer has the same laments,why am I not walking through pretty Christmas markets drinking hot chocolate with my whole life before me.Some people just seem to get the burdens of life and others all its blessings.My own life seems like a mixed bag of both.Im happy to be in love,I am pulled by all my passions and interests(I think our great passions stem from our soul,we are drawn to certain things),I love my journaling,I find wisdom in spiritual matters.Today I read a bit of Tao.In May I was in a haze of what I can only call 'haughty English girl mode',watching atonement every night and so very happy.I miss it but can still feel the atmosphere of it even if stress and other things cloud those flights of fancy.I guess that sort of inspiration can be elusive or as the celts called it imbas forosnai which many a person sought.
Oh I'm completely in love with the work of Taryn Knight which you can see below - so cosy,so soft,so muted and British,nothing garish! It's a something to see.I really cannot help but love British things I wish I were born in beloved Britain which I suit so well because it's of me.I use to draw and illustrate just like this girl but it just stopped in 2011 and other things took over,I have no idea where all my drawings are.My gosh I miss drawing,I can't really draw anymore when nothing use to be easier for me.I always think it strange that artists and creatives know they are imagining great things and creating but never ponder the soul or well it all stems from,we live in such spiritually void times really.
I lamented over my decision all afternoon and felt my life really was so limited now.but I thought to myself off the med I'd be struggling with the same issue - the illness,that's just how it is,only I'd have tenfold other issues as well so I might as well just stay on the med.Im damned if I do or don't.The hard thing also is I'm so against what these meds do and their general toxic nature that I'm living beyond my principles but I didn't have much choice.I don't think anyone's advice could help now but I need some.
I long for happier times, I watch YouTube people decorating their houses and going on little trips to the countryside and I lament,there is a sadness though I know my life is purposeful and profound.I just want everything to really go away to start my novels again,the hawk and the Harper etc,to do my MA in Celtic studies,to move into a tiny house in some rural idyll,to decorate,to be in love,to write poems,sing,cook,anything! I miss it all so much.You just never know with this illness what the week will bring and if you'll be okay.So how can you live and do anything,I don't know, I guess I'll have to try.But my gosh I wish it would all fall away so I could live my life.
I suppose a woman dying of cancer has the same laments,why am I not walking through pretty Christmas markets drinking hot chocolate with my whole life before me.Some people just seem to get the burdens of life and others all its blessings.My own life seems like a mixed bag of both.Im happy to be in love,I am pulled by all my passions and interests(I think our great passions stem from our soul,we are drawn to certain things),I love my journaling,I find wisdom in spiritual matters.Today I read a bit of Tao.In May I was in a haze of what I can only call 'haughty English girl mode',watching atonement every night and so very happy.I miss it but can still feel the atmosphere of it even if stress and other things cloud those flights of fancy.I guess that sort of inspiration can be elusive or as the celts called it imbas forosnai which many a person sought.
Oh I'm completely in love with the work of Taryn Knight which you can see below - so cosy,so soft,so muted and British,nothing garish! It's a something to see.I really cannot help but love British things I wish I were born in beloved Britain which I suit so well because it's of me.I use to draw and illustrate just like this girl but it just stopped in 2011 and other things took over,I have no idea where all my drawings are.My gosh I miss drawing,I can't really draw anymore when nothing use to be easier for me.I always think it strange that artists and creatives know they are imagining great things and creating but never ponder the soul or well it all stems from,we live in such spiritually void times really.
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