Quality of life in the key of G, second stanza

If a person possesses certain qualities, do they owe it to themselves to do all they can do to maximize it?

Does not using these qualities cheat you from attaining a desirable quality of life?

I have a set of qualities that I feel make me unique in some ways. But I don't push myself to maximize them as a life discipline. There have been many times through out my life, aside from physical challenges, in which I have changed my goals, pushed myself to achieve them, and succeeded. But I am missing something that I feel is integral to help create that drive.

I don't derive a sense of enjoyment or appreciation of accomplishment. My mind set is of course I could do it, why not? I feel I miss a set of filters or parameters that should outline what is more reasonable in different circumstances. I am typically an all or nothing type of guy. My first wife had a pithy way of describing me to others as "What ever I am feeling, it is VERY" She not only could recognize this in me, but possessed the ability to use that to our advantage to further our relationship.

Not having the ability to know what makes me happy in a career choice is exceptionally challenging. I can't imagine not going back to school at this point. I guess I just start with a liberal arts program and see what pans out. Not so scary in itself. But if I invest in these classes, I am going to invest myself, and then what? My dad has several degrees, and my mom has been a very successful business owner most of my life. I come from good stock. But they aren't happy. With the exception of a few short years, here and there, they haven't been in my life time. With all the success they have achieved.

I have been the general manager for several small business owners. I have found contentment in middle management. In sales, I often talked with huge division managers of companies. I observe people who society deems as great people for what ever reasons each of us do. They all have one thing in common to me. They never seem truly whole. There is always something that gnaws at them for something greater. Men and women who have spent decades of learning and managing other peoples lives.

It ages us all the same. We all try to seek that balance of what ever we choose to bring under our umbrella. Hopefully striving for some level of perfection in something. So when is it enough? When is it acceptable to sit back on your laurels and say "now I am satisfied." I don't think it is out there. I think you sacrifice that right, so to speak. There are to many people (family, employees, church, neighbors), who you owe a responsibility to and there aren't enough hours in the day to do all the right you can for them.

And all this giving is ironically selfish. It is maybe moral obligation that drives it, but the base driver to do so is because it makes one feel good. Most who push themselves I think do so with the intent of doing good, in order to make themselves feel good. I am missing that!

Balance is hard to find with out taking a moment to enjoy that selfishness. I feel for many of us, that balance seems elusive. That then becomes that we draw on for motivation.

OR, maybe all this is a cop out because life has a pivotal influence on us regardless what are goals are.

Even if you give 100%, part of the journey of life is learning that balance. If it wasn't for that quality, what would separate us from apes? If it wasn't in our nature as humans to push ourselves, then where would we have stopped evolving? How would we learn to push on through adversities? There almost becomes an obligation aspect that seems to manifest itself. I hold a level of contempt with certain groups of our society who go against this perceived obligation. That may not be fair unless I can figure out where I stand on what is an acceptable level of obligation.