Detached
Posted 09-29-2008 at 07:16 PM by mams1559
Have you ever had those moments where life seems to be happening all around you but you're not a part of it? It's like a play unfolding before your very eyes, but you're not a cast member? You can watch and observe but nothing you do affects the outcome or alters the plot in any way?
That's how I've been feeling lately. I go through my routine -- work, home, sleep -- and repeat it every day, but it seems I'm not affecting anything, for better or worse. It's like I'm a shadow that no one notices. No matter how I try to engage others or have meaningful dialogue or conversation nothing changes. It's as though I'm a ghost in my own life.
I talk with my kids about attitude and behavior, right and wrong, best practices and tricks for homework, etc., but they still go about things like I never said a word. I talk with my wife about our finances, our living situation, planning for the worst, and yet it's like I'm not getting through and things go on as if I had said nothing. Work is work, same old - same old and actually it doesn't bother me that they pay me no mind there. Best way to stay out of the crossfire.
But all in all I feel detached ... separated from the world around me. Every action is to have an equal and opposite reaction (at least in science class) but I can't see where I'm having any impact... at all. I mean, I'm used to being talked over in crowds or ignored when it's "my turn" to speak, but lately it's more than that.
Even more disconserting (maybe??) is that although I'm being ignored I'm not that upset about it. Weird huh? I'm just blasé about it all. I have an "oh well" mentality settling over me. I don't know if I'm having a break with reality or realizing that God is in ultimate control and I don't have to worry so much over things. I don't have to be the control freak I usually am. I don't have a need to feel like the center of attention anymore.
Or maybe, just maybe, I took the whole "be in the world not of the world" too much to heart. Who knows?
That's how I've been feeling lately. I go through my routine -- work, home, sleep -- and repeat it every day, but it seems I'm not affecting anything, for better or worse. It's like I'm a shadow that no one notices. No matter how I try to engage others or have meaningful dialogue or conversation nothing changes. It's as though I'm a ghost in my own life.
I talk with my kids about attitude and behavior, right and wrong, best practices and tricks for homework, etc., but they still go about things like I never said a word. I talk with my wife about our finances, our living situation, planning for the worst, and yet it's like I'm not getting through and things go on as if I had said nothing. Work is work, same old - same old and actually it doesn't bother me that they pay me no mind there. Best way to stay out of the crossfire.
But all in all I feel detached ... separated from the world around me. Every action is to have an equal and opposite reaction (at least in science class) but I can't see where I'm having any impact... at all. I mean, I'm used to being talked over in crowds or ignored when it's "my turn" to speak, but lately it's more than that.
Even more disconserting (maybe??) is that although I'm being ignored I'm not that upset about it. Weird huh? I'm just blasé about it all. I have an "oh well" mentality settling over me. I don't know if I'm having a break with reality or realizing that God is in ultimate control and I don't have to worry so much over things. I don't have to be the control freak I usually am. I don't have a need to feel like the center of attention anymore.
Or maybe, just maybe, I took the whole "be in the world not of the world" too much to heart. Who knows?
Total Comments 5
Comments
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dear brother, I am that way sometimes as well. Can't really explain why we get this way, but it sure does happen. And then one day I will be back into things again, and never even notice when things changed! That is scary for me.
Stay the course, things will fall back into alignment again.Posted 09-29-2008 at 11:12 PM by aiangel_writer
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I find sometimes I feel most connected with people when I stop to listen. Listen to what they're going through and thinking about, and listen long enough so they can trust that I really care about what they're saying, and then connect with them on that. My own agenda put aside. No judgements, very little advice, if any at all.Posted 09-30-2008 at 07:05 PM by emeraldsky
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wonderful comment emeraldsky. right on the money.Posted 10-01-2008 at 06:21 PM by aiangel_writer
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Sometimes we forget how important we are to those around us. When I am feeling detached, I try and reattach myself. Take the family to get some ice cream, they'll 'reattach' you.
Posted 10-23-2008 at 10:06 PM by Alpha8207
