"You know you're from Alaska when..." (Anchorage, Fairbanks: apartment, insurance) - (AK) - City-Data Forum

karibear · 09-09-2008, 11:08 AM

you understand these:

[My daughter, who was born and grew up here, sent me this.]

1. Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a motor home on the highway.
2. "Vacation" means going to Anchorage for the weekend.
3. You measure distance in hours.
4. You know several people who have hit moose more than once.
5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
6. You use a down comforter in the summer.
7. Your grandparents drive at 65 mph through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
8. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
9. You install security lights on your house and garage, and leave both unlocked.
10. You think of the major food groups as: deer meat, beer, fish, and berries.
11. You carry jumper cables in your car, and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the grocery store at any given time.
13. You know what Bunny Boots are.
14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
15. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas.
16. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.
17. It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item, even when you're in a rush, because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.
18. You didn't know what the word "county" meant, and we were never taught about "area codes"... 907 is all you had to know
19. You think bald eagles aren't that great
20. You know to go to Best Buy a month after a CD release because that’s when it will FINALLY arrive in Alaska
21. You wish seagulls came with a mute button
22. You can go to McDonalds and order off the $1.50 menu which they feel is equivalent to the $0.99 menu
23. You were appalled by the "Carrs-Safeway" merge a few years ago
24. You have to have a raven cage around your trash to keep them out
25. You go to school, work, or both in the dark and come out in the dark
26. 30 degrees is shorts weather
27. -10 is a bit nippy
28. Buses leaving school are delayed because a bear is in the parking lot
29. You tell people you live in an igloo for kicks
30. You don’t swim in natural bodies of water for fear of swimmers itch or beaver fever...or leeches
31. Having a moose in your front yard is a legitimate excuse for being late to school
32. There is nothing like Matanuska Maid...who cares about Meadowgold, Dairyland and Viva!!
33. You only go to the fair for turkey legs and a husky burger
34. You refer to the continental US as the "lower 48"
35. You get an attitude when you have to pay tax in the lower 48
36. There is 4 feet of snow the night before school and you STILL have to go.
37. If you don’t like the weather wait for 5 minutes and then go back out outside.
38. You sleep through an earthquake like nothing ever happened; the only way you know is because the clock fell off the wall
39. Salmon isn’t a delicacy, it's a staple
40. Halibut is beer battered rather than cooked some fancy way
41. 70 degrees is equivalent to 90 degrees in the lower 48
42. You know who "Sleeping Lady" is
43. During the winter you rarely use your freezer
44. You think $4 for a loaf of bread is cheap
45. A "cookout" is not all the time outside because it’s entirely too cold for all of that
46. You don't sleep in the summer because it’s too short to miss a minute of it
47. Half your friends own a sled (snow machine) and you think people that call them snow mobiles are idiots
48. You have been chased or know someone who has been chased by a moose at least once.
49. You’ve seen the northern lights, and you know why they are such a "big deal"
50. You know its all about the snow, DUH.
51. You know that Cattle Company has the best potato soup there is.
52. Your bedroom windows are covered in aluminum foil or black blankets.
53. You know the two speed limits in Alaska: the ‘get outta my way limit’ and ‘taking cover limit’
54. You only watch the news when they announce the amount of the year’s dividend
55. Your school classes were never canceled because of ice
56. You have to start your car at least an hour before you leave so most of the ice and snow will melt off by the time you leave
57. You wear flips flops all year without getting sick
58. You've never seen cotton or tobacco growing, but your neighbor has a 30 acre pot field
59. You literally can’t leave the house without seeing some one you know.
60. You know the term "studs" isn’t referring to hot guys.
61. You have to ski in gym class
62. You know who "Binki" was, made fun of that stupid Australian tourist, and was so sad when he died.
63. You expect to see a moose crossing Tudor every time you drive down.
64. You give up and tell people in the lower 48 that you DO live in an igloo and you DO have a pet polar bear named Mishka when they refuse to believe otherwise.
65. You call someone without a crack in there windshield a tourist
66. You remember what Showboats was and you’re little sad it's gone.
67. When you go to the lower 48 you wonder where everybody's block heater cable is
68. You've been to the Peanut Farm for a drink but refuse to tell anyone...ever
69. Combat fishing isn't a joke, it's a religion.
70. You've seen a 2-month old moose get hit by a full-size van at 65 MPH, then get up and run off
71. Two words "Korn Fritters"
72. Your parents taking you trick-or-treating involves riding door-to-door in the car
73. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

Moose Whisperer · 09-09-2008, 11:26 AM

Excellent!

Here’s another:

74. To save on pickup service, during winter you freeze your trash outside then take it to a “transfer station”, or to the dumpster at the office.

blue_eyedgirl · 09-09-2008, 12:04 PM

These are hilarious and remarkably accurate. I used to have a version with photos for each type of Barbie but I can't find it at the moment.

Anchorage Barbie:
This fit Barbie has a graduate degree in science, resources management,
and/or is an environmental lawyer.
Comes with brand new Subaru with roof rack holding skate skis and a kayak. Accessories include running tights, cross-trainer shoes, a husky named Kobuk, and a cell phone.
Boyfriend Ken comes in seasonally employed climbing guide, fishing guide, or Girdwood bartender models.
Sold at New Sagaya.

Wasilla Barbie:
This Barbie comes with big hair, country music CDs, a .44 Magnum and a
bible.
Weekender Kit includes snow machine, 4-wheeler, and fishing boat.
Brand new duplex dream house and lake cabin are also available (sold
separately).
Ken comes with a Ford F-350 Diesel pick-u truck with gun rack
and trailer, his own snow machine, 4-wheeler, boat, and .44 Magnum.
Ken is available every other two weeks when he is not working on the Slope.
Alternative Military Ken available by special order.
Sold at Wasilla Wal-Mart.

Fairbanks Barbie:
This graduate school Barbie kit includes a tiny cabin with detached
outhouse. This Barbie has hairy legs, hat hair, and a fleece jacket
covered with dog fur.
Accessories include extra long johns, shower bag, head lamp, case of Ramen noodles, and bug dope.
Also available is a beater, 1979 model Subaru, complete with plug-in, ice scraper, shovel, and set of studded tires. Ken is either at the Marlin, the Howling Dog, the Loon, out hunting, doing field work, or is long gone.
Sold at Big Rays.

Ketchikan Barbie:
K-town Barbie lives in an old leaky sailboat that is moored down in Thomas
Basin -- in a slip that is conveniently located just off the ramp directly
below the Potlatch Bar.
For basic transport, she runs a beat up old 18' skiff that has a rundown Johnson 30 hp outboard that leaks oil. She can out fish most any old Norwegian bachelor fisherman; can cut down old growth cedars faster than most any drunken old Swede logger; and can shoot and skin black tail deer that foolishly wander down to beach at sunset faster than any alcohol fueled Finn bushwhacker.
Her Ken can be found anytime, day or night, on the deck of the Alaskan Bar pontificating -- often with wild, exaggerated arm waiving and finger pointing -- as to exactly where the Bridge to Nowhere is going to land over on Pennock Island

Sitka Barbie:
Sitka Barbie has most of the same endearments as K-town Barbie except she recently shot her Ken in what is colloquially known as a Sitka divorce.
She took the life insurance money and purchased a brand new 26' Hewescraft "Alaskan" with enclosed heated cabin and a 200 hp Honda outboard.
Sold only at a kiosk on the cruise ship dock during June, July & August.

Barrow Barbie:
This Barbie comes with blonde hair with dark roots, kuspuk and parka.
Accessories include a 650cc Skidoo snow machine, tiny ulu and baleen
carving kit.
Ken alternates between being a whaling captain and working
for the North Slope Borough.
Available at the northern most KFC store.

Juneau Barbie:
This Barbie comes with membership cards for the Alaska Democratic Party,
AFSME/AFL-CIO and Alaska Conservation Voters, little red X-tra Tuff boots and an un-used fishing outfit.
She lives in tiny apartment above an obscure bar and works as a secretary in the State Office Building.
Drives rusty Subaru Forester, but has peeled the "Forester" lettering off because she feels that logging is evil.
Ken claims to be a fisherman, but actually he is also a secretary in the State Office Building.
Available in gift shop at the Baranof.

Valdez Barbie:
This Barbie was not born here, comes with an Alyeska modular or a brand
new cookie cutter house by Stan Peterson. This Barbie is best
accessorized with an Alyeska husband.
She drives a brand new Chevy Suburban, or other large 4x4 vehicle, needs it to get her over Thompson Pass when it has snowed 5' overnight.
Has 2.5 children and runs all over town shuttling them from event to event. She typically does not mind the snow or rain, but is always complaining about the weather regardless.
Valdez Barbie also spends her weekends shopping in Anchorage although she could get the same thing at the Prospector or so the ad says.

Kenai Barbie
Kenai Barbie is just a weekend Anchorage Barbie that fishes.

Homer Barbie
Homer Barbie spends summers on the Spit and winters going from protest to protest, also hears voices in her head.