Onboarding - What is that? - 12-3-17

I started my new job in customer service last week. I was anxious for the two weeks from the time I accepted the job and my start date on Monday. Something in the back of my addled mind kept saying "there is no job there, good luck, you are going to need it."

OK. My mind is screwing with me. God gave me this job, that means it is going to be great, right?

Sure. I kept telling myself *that.*

In that two week period I only received one email from HR which stated my drug test came back and I was approved to start work on Monday 11/27.

OK. I'll be there with bells on.

I showed up promptly at 8:00 am and stood in the lobby with another new hire. We couldn't sit in the chairs because for some strange reason the middle of the chairs were void of stuffing and if you sat in the chairs your butt would end up on the floor, with your arms and legs reaching toward the sky. I kid you not. I should know, I tried to sit in one of the chairs while I waited for my interview, and lucky for me I am small and thin, I quickly wedged myself out of the chair before my butt hit the floor. First impressions, good times.

The HR woman entered the lobby and introduced herself to the other new hire and called him by his name. They both started to walk in the main building when she turned toward me and looking puzzled asked me "are you the other new hire?"

I said "yes I am."

She said "follow me."

Okey dokey. First impressions, good times.

She sat us at a table in the middle of an atrium where we filled out the obligatory new hire paperwork. While we were filling out the paperwork, my other new hire buddy was greeted by his supervisor, who shook his hand, introduced himself and said "Great to have you onboard, we are glad you are here." A minute later I noticed my supervisor (I interviewed with her, so I know what she looked like) scurry through the open atrium area (where we were filling out our new hire paperwork), she looked directly at me, I smiled, she scowled and hightailed it up the spiral staircase to the second floor.

Not surprising for me. First impressions, good times.

After we were done with our paperwork, the HR woman showed me and the other new hire the breakroom and the bathrooms. Then she introduced the other new hire to his supervisor and they went off to his new cubicle to start his new and exciting job. The HR woman trudged with me up the spiral staircase where she introduced me to my supervisor, who was "busy" at her desk with her head buried into her computer. She stopped what she was doing, jumped up from her desk and said she was going to show me around. I was still holding my new hire manual, winter coat, hat, backpack, and I asked her if it was OK if I put them on the floor in her cube. She said "sure." Then she raced out of the cube, with me following her around the company as she rattled off names of people I will never remember or even have a need to talk to.

After we finished that race, we went back to her cube and she said I could enter a couple of POs into their ERP system.

OK. Sure, why not. I have nothing else to do.

At least she had a guest chair in her cube, and it had wheels! So I wheeled myself over to her computer while she sat over my shoulder and "taught" me how to enter a PO. Of course I entered the PO in a very slow manner, because:

• It was dark in her cube and I could barely read the PO.
  
• I was not familiar with their ERP system and the keystrokes to use it correctly (is it the ENTER key or TAB key to move from field to field? Come to find out it depends on the form you are working on)
  
• I was not familiar with the customer and the product the customer was ordering on the PO.
  
• I wanted to make sure to enter the correct info so I tried to read the PO carefully and double check my entries.

I am a good judge of character. I know...in the deepest being of my soul...that my supervisor was dying a slow death as I *slowly* entered my first PO into an ERP system I was never trained on - for customers I have never been trained on - for products I have never been trained on. Now you know why customer service in America is so crappy.

Anyway, my first morning entailed me slowly putting in about 5-8 POs, using my supervisor's computer while she sat next to me and rattled on about personal stuff with the other customer service reps, and while she continually interrupted me because she had to use her computer for important emails (Important People Doing Important Things). Fun times.

I asked my supervisor questions about the POs, customers, products, in order to get a handle on what the hell I was supposed to be customer service for, but she seemed a bit annoyed with my questions and said to just enter the POs. Lunchtime couldn't come fast enough.

At noon, she said it was lunch and she took off. The other CSRs were still working as we staggered lunch. I picked up my backpack and walked through the maze of hallways toward the cafeteria. I found only one empty table and I sat down to eat my liverwurst sandwich. Within two minutes two women plopped their lunch on my table and gave me the stink eye. Whatever. I ignored them, because I am old and I am a misanthrope.

Now...the place I work manufactures circuit boards. Therefore most of the people in the cafeteria were the manufacturing employees, and since Americans are lazy and won't work the little bit of manufacturing jobs left in America (sarcasm intended), most of the employees were Asian, I would say from Burma, Thailand or the Phillipines. So after the two Asian women gave me the stink eye they started talking loudly in their native language (not English).

I "ass"-umed they were talking about me and how dare some ugly, white girl sit at their lunch table.

Whatever. I sat there and ate my liverwurst and I ignored their stink eyes.

I have an hour lunch so after 30 minutes I had enough of multiculturalism, and I went back to my supervisor's cube (my supervisor was eating lunch at her desk) and I picked up my hat and coat and I went outside to go for a walk to clear my head. That was the best part of my day. Even though the temperature was in the 30's and there was a raw 20-30mph northwest wind, it felt good to get out of the stuffy building. Unfortunately, my lunch break ended and I was back in my supervisor's cube, sitting in my guest chair and waiting for her to instruct me on what to do. It was going to be a long 4 hours until quitting time. A loooong 4 hours.

In that 4 hours when I was taking notes and doodling (I had to ask for a notepad as I didn't have a desk), I observed the following:

• My supervisor swore like a sailor. I am not a prude, but damn girl, maybe you should have cleaned up your language for my first day of work. First impressions and all...
  
• My supervisor has been there for 12 years and "ass"-umes everyone, including new hires should already know how to do his/her job. If she shows you once how to do something, don't ask any more questions!
  
• The other CSRs are in their early 20's. They are females. They have their own cubicles, desk, computers, phones. They like to talk, and talk, and talk. Basically they never shut up. Ever.
  
• The main boss (a male) who oversees the customer service department is a push-over and allows chaos to run the department.
  
• The entire CSR area is dark. I squinted the entire day from lack of light. I was told the main light bulbs were out and maybe someday they will fix them. Maybe someday [sigh]...

By 3 pm I had a massive migraine from the stress of having my boss breath over my shoulder as I used her computer (I did not have my own desk or computer), from the constant screaming, laughing, complaining, nagging, of the CSRs, and from the squinting I had to do, just to be able to read a faxed PO in the dark. Good times.

I finally asked my boss "when will I get my own desk and computer?"

She mumbled under her breath "You will be training with me for a while."

OK. So the real answer is, she has no idea when I will get my own desk and computer. Tomorrow is going to be another Excedrin Migraine day. Good times.

At 5:00 pm my supervisor said it was quitting time, I got up out of my guest desk chair, put on my coat and hat, picked up my backpack, said goodbye and walked out the door to my car. It was dark outside, just like in the building. It is always dark. Thank you for the dream job God. As I drove home I said to myself "something is off about this job, but I just can't put my finger on it." Oh well, being a good American, I need to soldier on through my workplace migraines with a smile, it was only my first day. It can only get better, right?

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BTW, the title to my post is "Onboarding - What is that?"

Well, onboarding is a corporate/HR term which is defined as:

The action or process of integrating a new employee into an organization or familiarizing a new customer or client with one's products or services.

Here are examples of a company with a successful onboarding program in bold (my experience at my new company is in parentheses)

Designate an individual to meet and greet a new employee upon arrival and show him/her around. (HR greeted me asking me if I was a new hire, my supervisor never greeted me until I was plopped in her cubicle)

Send out a welcome letter or email to make existing employees aware of the new hire. (Don't know if the company ever did this, as I didn't have a computer or desk, but I was walked around and introduced to other employees)

Have the work station set up and properly functioning complete with computer, email address, supplies, training materials, etc. (Never happened. I had no workstation, no cubicle, no desk, no place to put my personal belongings except on my supervisor's cubicle floor. After one week, I still had no desk, computer. I was camped out in my supervisor's cubicle in the guest chair.)

Have business cards pre-ordered with name, direct dial, and email address complete and spelled correctly (That's funny, what is this the 1970's?)

Have lunch pre-arranged with co-workers and peers. (Never happened. All office workers ate at their desks. I had no desk to eat at. The cafeteria was self designated for the manufacturing employees. I ate lunch in my cold car for the remainder of the first week.)

Schedule a drop-by or meeting with senior management if available. (That's funny)

[Sigh]