This blog is an open detailing of my recovery from an intense emotional affair. It has been said that in order to recover from an affair, whether physical or not, one must not be afraid to write down feelings. By being open with my feelings and not hiding them anymore, I am making a effort to hold myself accountable for my affair. This is an ongoing recovery and I have no clue how it will play out. But I need to share, to process what I've done, and to learn how to forgive myself.
I Can't Trust Anyone
Posted 11-07-2015 at 06:43 PM by April R
OG dropped the biggest anvil on my head today. He said he's backing away to "focus on my family." Whatever the **** that means. I didn't think I was taking time away from his family seeing as how he is a 12 hour drive away from me. He comes on so strong, tells me things he said he hasn't told anyone else, talks about very intimate things, gets me to try things sexually I would have never considered before meeting him, sends me pictures, I send him pictures, we seem to be connecting and sharing then he jumps ship. And I'm supposed to be OK with it because what we were doing was wrong to start with? I not ok. I'm angry, then sad, then disgusted with him, then missing him, then feeling foolish for ever letting him do that to me. And even after all that I'd still jump if he asked me to.
I hate him. I love him. How am I going to do this without him? It's like finding out there's this person you never knew existed who could rock your world then being told you can never have him. How is that fair? Why did he do this to me? Does he even care what he's done to me? I'm ruined.
I hate him. I love him. How am I going to do this without him? It's like finding out there's this person you never knew existed who could rock your world then being told you can never have him. How is that fair? Why did he do this to me? Does he even care what he's done to me? I'm ruined.
Total Comments 6
Comments
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I have been there. I always loved my wife, but she drank and was sometimes distant. Not interested in much sex. I met a person who swept me off my feet. wanted sex multiple times a day. I had to be careful not to touch her or it ended up in sex. But later I realized I wanted that from my wife, not this person. So after a lot of painful disclosure and therapy, we had 5 great loving sexually charged years. Now we are back to the past, but she stopped drinking. So less drama, not much sex.Posted 11-08-2015 at 10:26 AM by suntzusuntzu
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Reading your posts and your blog...95% of all your comments are about OG and how you feel about OG. Maybe 4% are your husband and 1% your kids. Now, tell me what your priorities are?!
It is painfully obvious that you are "addicted" to your own created and idealized (and idolized!) version of this other man. Who can get you off just the way you've always wanted...and you can be FREE with. Well, you're NOT free...HE isn't free. The sooner you face facts the better off you'll be. And if you can't face facts, spare your family. And don't expect OG to suddenly come running - he doesn't want you to be free - he wants the fantasy too...and actually maybe not even THAT anymore. You've been living in a bubble - and that bubble is bursting.Posted 11-08-2015 at 05:49 PM by reneeh63
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This blog is about one thing, my EA. So I'm not sure why you act so incredulous when that that what I mostly write about. I sincerely thought it was more than a fantasy, I saw OG flaws and all and didn't care. But when I was prepared to take it out of fantasy and make it real he wasn't. End of story. He couldn't handle the reality and I couldn't just accept the fantasy, so time to refocus and move on.Quote:Originally Posted by reneeh63
Reading your posts and your blog...95% of all your comments are about OG and how you feel about OG. Maybe 4% are your husband and 1% your kids. Now, tell me what your priorities are?!
It is painfully obvious that you are "addicted" to your own created and idealized (and idolized!) version of this other man. Who can get you off just the way you've always wanted...and you can be FREE with. Well, you're NOT free...HE isn't free. The sooner you face facts the better off you'll be. And if you can't face facts, spare your family. And don't expect OG to suddenly come running - he doesn't want you to be free - he wants the fantasy too...and actually maybe not even THAT anymore. You've been living in a bubble - and that bubble is bursting.Posted 11-09-2015 at 01:28 PM by April R
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I'm sorry she can't get back to where she was without drinking. I feel for you.Quote:Originally Posted by suntzusuntzu
I have been there. I always loved my wife, but she drank and was sometimes distant. Not interested in much sex. I met a person who swept me off my feet. wanted sex multiple times a day. I had to be careful not to touch her or it ended up in sex. But later I realized I wanted that from my wife, not this person. So after a lot of painful disclosure and therapy, we had 5 great loving sexually charged years. Now we are back to the past, but she stopped drinking. So less drama, not much sex.Posted 11-09-2015 at 01:30 PM by April R
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I've been through emotional abuse with my ex boyfriend, a Pakistani Muslim who degraded me and treated me like **** for two years. He'd tell me he was going to marry me, then change his mind and give me a different answer day in and day out. I know it hurts like hell. And if he asked for me back I'd probably take him back, he has such a hold on me. I'd advise you to do better, demand respect or leave.Posted 11-09-2015 at 01:58 PM by Kamilla
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I didn't have a choice. I'm married and if I'm going to make this marriage work I can't fall for another man like this ever again. He is a Honey tongued Bastard. I believed everything he told me.Quote:Originally Posted by Kamilla
I've been through emotional abuse with my ex boyfriend, a Pakistani Muslim who degraded me and treated me like **** for two years. He'd tell me he was going to marry me, then change his mind and give me a different answer day in and day out. I know it hurts like hell. And if he asked for me back I'd probably take him back, he has such a hold on me. I'd advise you to do better, demand respect or leave.Posted 11-10-2015 at 06:29 AM by April R
