I caught an old episode of the "Waltons" last night and it brought me back to my childhood. (Back to "simplier" times!)...My Dad used to call my younger son "John Boy" when he was small. My son loved it! (And remembered it all his life.)...You'd never catch my older son watching old reruns of the "Waltons" or "Little House on the Prairie." But my younger son loved watching these shows because they gave him a "window" into the past. And they were about families...My older son took pride in being a "modern" and "with the times" kind of guy! I'm sure he viewed the rest of us as "old grey mares" because we enjoyed telling "tales" from the past. And taking trips down "memory lane."...My younger son "ate" it all "up" and kept begging for "more" when we started sharing stories from the past. He said this gave him a chance to get to know us even "better." And he loved hearing about life back in the "old days."...Both of my sons are gone now along with my husband and parents and everyone else. I am the only "apple" left on my "family tree." Watching the old episode of the "Waltons" last night helped me feel like I was part of a family again. (And this was sure nice!)
Be careful about what you "say!"...Hidden rules and regulations in relationships!
Posted 04-28-2013 at 10:13 AM by CArizona
Are we looking for "yes people" when we hook-up with new friends? (People who will always agree with us?)...Or are we searching for some diversity? And challenges?...I spend most of my time as a loner. (Outside groups.) So everytime I step-out and dare to open my mouth I can come across as an "oddball."...I honestly believe that we have a great deal to learn from each other. But we can "block" new insights and knowledge from "coming in" if we surround ourselves with "like-minded thinkers." ("Birds of the same feather!") How do you feel about it?
Total Comments 153
Comments
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It's hard for me to "stay mad" at friends or family members for long...Some people have no problem "staying mad" but it's always been hard for me...How about you?Posted 06-24-2013 at 06:23 PM by CArizona
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Have you known many "do-gooders?" (People who take pride in helping others on a regular basis?)...Some "do-gooders" can start to view the people they help as their "dolls" or "puppets." As in: "I'll help you out and fix you up and even dress you up! And turn you into a better person!"...They can get carried-away with their "power" and "abilities." To the point that they get mad if someone doesn't follow their advice. (Or suggestions.)...I think there are a lot of factors to consider before we rush right in and try to "take-over" someone else's life. And "play savior!" Don't you?...This is probably the basis for codependency. Some people thrive on helping others but they don't know when to stop or "back-off." (Because they don't want to give-up their job or assignment.) Who would they be if they didn't play "guardian angel" or "rescuer?"Posted 06-26-2013 at 05:25 AM by CArizona
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Some little girls really enjoy "playing dolls." They give each one of their dolls a name and personality and dress them up, etc...Yesterday one of my friends seemed to view me as "her doll.".. She wanted to "mold" and "shape" me to fit her image. And she got frustrated and upset when I didn't "go-along" (or agree) with everything she said. (Or everything she "wanted" for me!)...I think we can all get caught-up in "playing dolls" at times. (Even men!)...Although men probably call it: "Father knows best" or something different than "playing dolls."...But it all "boils down" to the same thing.. It's about thinking we "know best" for other people. And feeling entitled to "speak-out" and "butt-in" and hand-out "lectures."...It's "one-size fits all" type of thinking. "Black and white" thinking...What's "good" for the "goose" is "good" for the "gander." (Type of thinking!).. And this type of thinking (and reasoning) doesn't work in all situations...We need a little "wiggle-room" and "breathing space" in order to be individuals. (Versus a society of "clones!")...Don't you think?Posted 06-28-2013 at 07:54 AM by CArizona
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I guess people assume that I'm a "pushover" because I tend to be soft-spoken and mellow and polite most of the time...But I definitely have a mind of my own. And I'm used to being independent..I have no problem saying: "No thank you." (In a caring way.)...I guess people want to "mother" me at times or ?...It's weird because I don't go "knocking" on any doors. I just "plug-away" (on my own) most of the time the best I can...And I don't ask for help or tell everyone "my business."...I'm probably a big disappointment to "wanna-be moms." (Or dads!)Posted 07-01-2013 at 07:42 PM by CArizona
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I feel like "hibernating" in a "cave" for a good long time...What's a "good long time" versus a "bad long time?"...Well I guess I'm talking about using my "alone time" in constructive and "healthy ways." (To think and "feel" and get a "grip" on what I want and "who" I want to be. And to "heal" from my grief, etc.)...I want to "play turtle" and just poke my head out of my "shell" once in awhile...I don't care if life passes me by...So what? I can always "catch-up" at a later date. (If I feel like it.)...I don't have to "follow" every new trend or be "in the know" about all the "happenings" in the world...I just want to "slow-down" for a little while and "hibernate." And "process" all the "stuff" that's right in front of me now...Don't want to "take on" more than I can "chew" in other words...Anyway I can't totally "hibernate" but I can "cut-back" a bit. And "lighten" my "load" for awhile!Posted 07-02-2013 at 11:35 AM by CArizona
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Some people definitely have a "strong personality." (They can be dominant, pushy, maybe even loud, etc.)....And other people are "low-key" and "mellow." (Most of the time anyway.)...How would you describe yourself?...How about "passive-aggressive?" Do you ever get this way?...I saw a lot of "passive-aggressive" behavior in the workplace...My older son worked in a fancy restaurant while he was attending college...One time a couple came in to eat and they acted "snobby" and ran him "ragged." It was the wife's birthday. This meant my son had to gather-up some co-workers and sing happy birthday to her. (When he brought out her free piece of cake.)...The couple had been so rude and nasty my son didn't want to do it...But the manager told him he had to sing.. My son was definitely in the "passive-aggressive" (or "get-even") mode. So he decided to sing "off-key." And all the other food servers agreed to sing "lousy" and "off-key" too...Everyone acted normal and kept a "straight face" when they sang to the lady. (No laughing.) And they "carried" it "off."...The couple had to sit and listen to them and say "thank you" when they were done singing.Posted 07-02-2013 at 08:21 PM by CArizona
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A "pushy person" has entered my life...Of course this person considers herself loving and caring. (And not really "pushy" per se.)...She "means well" and has good "intentions." She just wants to be "helpful."...I could "cut ties" with her and end the relationship but maybe we were "brought together" for a reason. (To learn "new things" from each other.) Not sure yet...Time will tell.Posted 07-04-2013 at 07:48 AM by CArizona
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My "pushy friend" seems to live in a "hyper-ventilated" state where she's in a hurry to "make things happen!".. She gets irritated and impatient when she doesn't feel "in-control.".. Or when others don't "move fast enough" to "please her.".. I wonder if she lived with "insecurities" as a child. Maybe she felt "let-down" or disappointed on a regular basis.. Or neglected or ignored or ??...Maybe she became a "micro-manager" and tries to turn people into her "puppets" to avoid having to face further disappointments...But it can all "back-fire." "Pushy people" can end-up "pushing" friends and relatives "away." (Due to their "bullying." And lack of consideration for the rights of others.)Posted 07-04-2013 at 09:00 AM by CArizona
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It's easy to make "automatic assumptions" about people... I try to leave the door open so I can see "more sides" to someone. (Beyond my first impressions.)...I hope people will do the same with me. But who knows?...I'm probably not an easy person to get to know. (Full-on.)...I'm friendly and caring. But I don't put all of my "cards" out on the table right off the bat...Guess you could say I tend to be on the "private-side.".. I "reveal" more and more about myself as I get to know (and trust) people. How about you?Posted 07-05-2013 at 03:18 PM by CArizona
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It's always been hard for me to ask for help. I don't want to "bother" anyone. Or be a "burden" or "pest," etc...I don't want to be in a "one-down position." Or come across as "needy" or helpless or dependent on others...I consider being this way an "asset." But it can also be a "handicap" too...No one is an "island." There are times when we all need a little help....Anyway I'm definitely learning some major "life lessons" now. My husband and sons are "gone" and I'm totally on my own. And sometimes I'm just going to have to ask others for a little help....I'm usually willing to help friends. (If I can.) And I don't "look down" on people who ask me for help once in awhile.Posted 07-06-2013 at 08:07 AM by CArizona
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I've sure been learning a lot about friendships lately. (Since my husband and son passed away.)...The friends I like best tend to be modest and humble. They're not after "glory" or "fanfare."...This is how I "operate" too. I don't want to make anyone feel "indebted" to me...Anyway, I still have a lot to learn when it comes to friendships. And what it means to be a "good friend." (Through "thick" or "thin!")Posted 07-08-2013 at 06:01 AM by CArizona
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I have a couple of friends who quickly "cut" things "off" as soon as any kind of emotions enter the picture...Well they might allow anger or sarcasm but they can't handle "mushy feelings.".. Guess they don't want to be considered "sissies." Or act like they can be "hurt."...Anger and sarcasm and cynicism give them a sense of "power." A sense of being in control...Admitting that they feel sad or hurt or confused means that they are "weak." And they want to come across as "super powers" who are never "weak." Or "lost" or confused or susceptible to being "wounded" or hurt...This is like living life in a "war-zone." (To me.)...I know I have to be strong to get through life. But I enjoy being "human" too. And feeling everything...Being "tough" (to me) means that I have what it takes to feel pain and sadness and sorrow. (When need be.)...I don't have to avoid or "side-step" certain feelings. Or pretend that I'm made of "steel." (When this isn't always true!)Posted 07-09-2013 at 06:00 AM by CArizona
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Can someone remain modest and humble and still have confidence? And self-esteem?...A person may have strong and definite beliefs. (And opinions.) But yet admit that they could be "wrong" and don't "know everything."...Or at least admit that their "ways" might not be "right" for everyone...Some people can be a bit arrogant or even self-righteous when it comes to their beliefs. They consider themselves "right, right, right!" And "absolutely right!"...They seem to live in a "black and white" kind of world where there are no "shades of gray.".. I don't think I've ever been quite "this sure" of myself or my beliefs...What I believe (at any point in time) definitely "seems right" to me. But I know I've been "wrong" about some things in the past. And I hope to keep growing and learning new things as I move through life. So my beliefs are subject to change.Posted 07-09-2013 at 08:15 AM by CArizona
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People turn to "comfort foods" when they want to feel "safe" or warm and "snuggly!" And we turn to friends who give us "comfort" too. Don't you think?...It's no fun to be around someone who is "cold" or critical. Or "wishy-washy" and inconsistent...How can we relax or feel comfortable when we never know (for sure) how someone might act from moment to moment?Posted 07-10-2013 at 08:54 AM by CArizona
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"Put the past behind you...Keep moving forward. Don't look back!"...I don't understand why some people are in such a hurry to close the door on the past...I want to learn all I can about the past.. I think it's possible to "multi-task." (To look back at the past while being in the present and thinking about the future.).. We're asked to study history when we go to school. The message is: "Life existed and went on before you were born." And life will most likely "go on" after we die...We can try to "erase" the past and pretend that it didn't "exist." But why? What do we really "gain" from shutting the door (tightly) on the past? Maybe it's a sense of being "free." ...People with PTSD experience "flashbacks" where their past comes back to "haunt" them...I don't want to have a closet full of "ghosts" and "goblins" and repressed memories from my past.Posted 07-11-2013 at 05:42 AM by CArizona
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I'm in the process of moving so I haven't had as much "free time" to write lately...Can't wait to "be free" and "feel free" again! Or at least have some time "off!"Posted 07-12-2013 at 05:07 PM by CArizona
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What does it mean (or take) to be a "decent mom?" I used to ask myself this question all the time when my sons were growing-up...I didn't want to be negative and critical all the time.. I wanted to be loving and nurturing too and even "playful." (So we could have fun together.)...Now I'm "mom" to the 2 cats I have left. It's my job to make sure they have food and water and attention. And a little "discipline" when need be...Oh, I have to clean up their "poop boxes" too. (Almost forgot about that!)...Anyway I'm still a "mother figure." And a "dad" too. (I guess.)Posted 07-16-2013 at 04:01 PM by CArizona
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Haven't been able to write lately due to my "big move!"...Can't wait to have a sense of "normal" again.. I still have boxes to unpack. So I don't have everything I want and need right "on hand" yet...A few things seem "lost" but I know they're here. I'm probably just too tired to "see straight" now...Rest! I need rest! But it's hard for me to rest! I'm too "wound-up" all the time...I'm like a cat chasing its tail and going round and round in circles. (Never really accomplishing very much!)...Oh well! One day soon!!Posted 07-19-2013 at 12:36 PM by CArizona
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Dysfunction is everywhere! Even in me!...Lately I've been gaining more awareness about my own dysfunctional tendencies...Sometimes it's easier to fret and worry than to devise a plan. (A plan to get out of a "hole" and solve problems.) Have you noticed this?...Anyway I tell my emotions and fears to "be quiet" at times so I can step into my logical mind. So I can solve problems through logic and "reason." And cut-down on the "drama" in my life. (My own "personal drama!")...Fretting isn't going to solve problems. I need to devise "concrete plans." And if my first set of plans doesn't "pan-out" I need to keep coming up with new ideas and new plans...Eventually I'll "hit gold" and find a plan that does work.Posted 08-07-2013 at 12:46 PM by CArizona
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Some people "vent" and complain about every little thing...I'm not against getting feelings "out." Or bringing feelings up to the "surface." ..Sometimes we just have to be honest. (Versus keeping our feelings "locked-up.") Don't you think?...But what is our ultimate goal? What can we learn from our so-called "negative feelings?"...Do we need to make some changes in our life in order to be happier? Or are we content playing "perpetual victim?"...These are the questions I ask myself when I do a lot of "venting." Or when I get stuck in "negativity" for awhile...I try to find a "silver lining." And look for a way to turn things around in my life before too long....I can't complain 24/7 and still expect to be happy. Or have peace in my life...Something has to "give" or change. I have to find a way "out" of "troubling situations." So I don't wind-up "hard" and bitter and stuck in "perpetual negativity.".. How do you feel about it?Posted 08-13-2013 at 09:57 AM by CArizona
