I caught an old episode of the "Waltons" last night and it brought me back to my childhood. (Back to "simplier" times!)...My Dad used to call my younger son "John Boy" when he was small. My son loved it! (And remembered it all his life.)...You'd never catch my older son watching old reruns of the "Waltons" or "Little House on the Prairie." But my younger son loved watching these shows because they gave him a "window" into the past. And they were about families...My older son took pride in being a "modern" and "with the times" kind of guy! I'm sure he viewed the rest of us as "old grey mares" because we enjoyed telling "tales" from the past. And taking trips down "memory lane."...My younger son "ate" it all "up" and kept begging for "more" when we started sharing stories from the past. He said this gave him a chance to get to know us even "better." And he loved hearing about life back in the "old days."...Both of my sons are gone now along with my husband and parents and everyone else. I am the only "apple" left on my "family tree." Watching the old episode of the "Waltons" last night helped me feel like I was part of a family again. (And this was sure nice!)
Be careful about what you "say!"...Hidden rules and regulations in relationships!
Posted 04-28-2013 at 10:13 AM by CArizona
Are we looking for "yes people" when we hook-up with new friends? (People who will always agree with us?)...Or are we searching for some diversity? And challenges?...I spend most of my time as a loner. (Outside groups.) So everytime I step-out and dare to open my mouth I can come across as an "oddball."...I honestly believe that we have a great deal to learn from each other. But we can "block" new insights and knowledge from "coming in" if we surround ourselves with "like-minded thinkers." ("Birds of the same feather!") How do you feel about it?
Total Comments 153
Comments
-
If we could "diffuse" (or lay aside) our emotions we could probably "fix" (and solve) problems in our relationships a lot easier. And quicker! (Minus all the "emotional drama!") Don't you think?...The focus would be on "finding solutions" versus getting caught-up in endless debates or "fights." (Over who is supposedly "right" or "wrong." Or "good" or "bad" etc.)...Nobody would get into the "blame" or "fault-finding" mode. (Or take every little thing "personally.")...Everyone would be operating through logic and "reason." So problems or "differences" would get resolved "lickety-split!" (At "lightning speed!" With no "down-time" at all!".. And no "hurt" feelings or "melodrama" etc.)Posted 05-15-2013 at 03:38 PM by CArizona
-
"I've been hurt and 'screwed-over' in the past and I'm going to make sure that no one ever 'gets' to me again!.....I don't really trust you or anyone. Everyone is 'suspect.'...I can't afford to let my 'walls' or 'guard down' for extended periods of time because I don't want to leave myself 'wide-open.'.. Someone could sneak-in and attack me from behind and take me 'down.' And I want to make sure that I am protected and 'well-insulated' at all times!"....Have you been around "highly-suspicious" people like this who seem fearful and even paranoid?...It must be an "awful existence!" (To never feel comfortable trusting anyone...Or trusting anyone for long.)...Some people like this become "first-strikers" or even bullies themselves. And others just stay "locked-up" most of time.Posted 05-16-2013 at 08:12 AM by CArizona
-
Why do people try to control others? (In overt or subtle ways.)...What's behind the desire to control?...I think some people may have "abandonment issues" or fears...They hold on "tight" hoping that they will never be "left behind" again... Have you noticed this?...With other people I think it may be an "image thing." They want to make sure that the people in their life reflect "their chosen image." (Or their so-called "status" in life.)...Maybe someone else did some things they consider "naughty" or "bad" in the past and they try to prevent the people they love from following in their "footsteps." (And "falling prey" to the same kind of "temptations" or mistakes they made when they were younger.)...And there's more...More to "look-at" and understand when it comes to "control issues" and "tactics." Don't you think?Posted 05-16-2013 at 10:39 AM by CArizona
-
Who is your "best friend" this month?...I've noticed that some people "hop around" a lot. They don't stick with friends for very long...One "best friend" is replaced with another "best friend" at a fairly rapid rate...I wonder if there is a "graveyard" (of sorts) for all the former "best friends" who got "dumped" and replaced with a "new model!" (Just "lickety-split!"..With no advanced notice or warning.)...I guess some people enjoy "moving down" the "line" and "sampling" everyone and everything...The problem is that they come on "so strong" at first. They zero-in and literally "sweep" potential new "best friends" off their "feet!" (With praise and flattery and promises, etc.) Have you ever noticed this?...Then "bam!" They "take-off" as fast as they "flew-in!"...They seem addicted to the "hunt." And the "thrill" of "winning" people "over" with their "charms."... But once they "trap" someone in their "web" they probably get bored. (And feel restless, etc.) What do you think?Posted 05-17-2013 at 10:17 AM by CArizona
-
What type of image do you have of yourself?... Who are you? What do you believe? (Or not?)...Do you consider yourself open-minded? "Fair-minded?"...Are you a "good sport" most of the time? And "mellow?"...Or are you tempermental and subject to "flare-ups" at the drop of a "hat?" (When "hot-button issues" come-up.)...Do other people seem to "mirror" (or "go along") with the image you have of yourself?.. Have you run into people who view you "differently" than you "see yourself?"...How do you usually handle mistakes? Is it easy for you to forgive yourself? (Or others?)...Have you changed and grown a lot through the years? Would your high-school "buddies" recognize you today?...Just some "food" for "thought!".. I'm going through an "image-buster" phase to see if my "outside" really matches my "inside."...Are my beliefs about myself in touch with reality or not?Posted 05-18-2013 at 09:16 AM by CArizona
-
Do you have pretty "tough skin?" Or "thin skin?"...It's hard to be around overly-sensitive people because there's no telling what might "upset" them...They are quick to take things "personally." Or accuse others of "putting them down."....They might as well wear a banner or sign around their neck that says: "I have tons of insecurities but I'm not going to 'work' on them or try to 'fix' myself...Don't you dare suggest that there might be something 'wrong' with me!.. I expect you to build-up my ego and image at all times. And tell me how great and wonderful I am...This way I'll never have to 'face' or 'own' my insecurities or do any 'repair-work' on myself."Posted 05-18-2013 at 03:22 PM by CArizona
-
I really don't want to live in a "crime-drama." Where the potential for "crime" or "badness" or "shame/blame" lingers in the air. (And "lurks" around every corner.)...One "wrong word" (or "move") can land a person in "jail!" (So to speak!)...In these type of relationships there is no such thing as an "innocent misunderstanding." No sense that "differences" can be "ironed-out" over time. (Through "goodwill.")...It's all "do or die" with nothing in-between...People who live in "crime-dramas" think everything is on the "outside." But it seems like they have a lot of hidden (and unprocessed) "shame" inside of them...Why are they so quick to "judge" and "shame" and "blame" others? Or label people "bad?"...Something definitely seems "off-kitler!" It makes me think about the old cliche: "Live by the sword, die by the sword."...Are people like this carrying around a lot of "old baggage" from their past? (Anger and grudges?) A sense that they were "screwed-over" and treated "unfairly?"...Inflicting "shame" on others or getting all caught-up in "blame-games" isn't the path to happiness or "healing."...Playing "good cop/bad cop" and living in "crime-dramas" leads to "perpetual negativity." Don't you think?Posted 05-19-2013 at 10:11 AM by CArizona
-
Most of the women in my family were "tough" and "macho." (With some "softer" sides too.)...I didn't "measure-up" when I was younger because I had more of a "sensitive nature." I didn't want to be a "loud-mouth" or sarcastic or full of "zingers," etc...Plus: I was tall and thin and "flat-chested." And everyone else was short and "stout" and "big-busted!"...So I definitely felt like an "alien" and "misfit" (at times) in my own family...At some point I got tired of being way down on the "totem-pole." It was a challenge because I didn't want to be a "heavy-hitter" or "Macho Queen!".. But I knew I had to find a way to "hold my own" so I'd be taken seriously...I had to "earn" my "stripes" and "status" in other words...Nothing was "handed" to me...And I really wasn't taken seriously until I was in my late 30's or early 40's or so...My Mom started "toning-down" her sarcasm when we were together and became more "real" and "authentic."...I guess she realized that she didn't have to act "macho" in order to be "heard" or taken seriously! (At least when she was with me.)Posted 05-20-2013 at 09:13 AM by CArizona
-
I think some people place a lot of emphasis on "their feelings" but sometimes forget that other people have feelings too...Have you ever noticed this?...All of us have feelings whether we "show" or admit to having them or not...I've known a few people who could be pretty mean and nasty towards others at times. They had no problem "dishing it out" and didn't stop to consider other peoples' feelings. (At all!)...But anytime they felt "slighted" or "wronged" they cried "wolf!" And made a great big "deal" out of it!...I put this in the "special rules" category. As in: "I can say or do whatever I want but nobody better be mean to me. Or hurt my feelings!"...As in: "I'm 'all that' and superior to all the 'dorks' running around in the world!"...What does it take to bring people like this "down to earth" a little bit?Posted 05-20-2013 at 08:00 PM by CArizona
-
"You've already got 2 strikes against you even though we just met...Too many people 'screwed me over' in the past and I can't afford to trust anyone. (Not even you!)...You're on probation. I'll give you a 'trial run.' But you better be on your 'best behavior' and watch your 'p's and q's' if you want to remain a part of my life!"...It's hard to be friends with someone who expects to be "burned" or "stabbed in the back." (By everyone who "crosses" their path.)...It's no fun to be put on "trial" or have "strikes against us" right from the "get-go!"...Some people aren't "trustworthy." But everyone in the world isn't "bad" and out to "get us!" Or "hurt" us!...At least I don't think so. How do you feel about it?Posted 05-21-2013 at 10:49 AM by CArizona
-
I was shy and self-conscious and "unsure" of myself during my early years...As I mentioned before my parents seemed "larger than life!" And I felt like an "insignificant nothing" compared to them...At first I felt sorry for myself.. I thought I got "screwed-over." God made my parents (and other people) interesting and outgoing and confident but somehow he "forgot" about me!...It took awhile for me to realize that I was suppose to be a "product" of my own "creation." I had to find a way to "bust" out of my "shell" and come into my "own."...Nothing was going to be "handed" to me!.. If I wanted to become more outgoing and confident I had to "work at it" and develop new skills. (And take risks!)Posted 05-22-2013 at 08:05 AM by CArizona
-
Years ago my younger son complained about an incident that took place with his dad and older brother and his brother's girlfriend...Everyone was spending the afternoon together and they decided to order a pizza...My (younger) son said that no one bothered to ask him what he wanted on the pizza. And he felt hurt and "forgotten" and sorry for himself...I asked him a few questions. (About the situation.)...I guess everyone else was gathered together on one side of the room and my son was sitting off to the "side" by himself on the couch...It wasn't "right" to "forget" about him. But I knew that it was probably just an "oversight."...I asked him why he didn't "speak-up" on his own so he would be "included." And could have a "say" in the pizza toppings...I think my son was dealing with a lot of insecurities at the time. His older brother seemed to "have it made" in his eyes and he felt like a "nothing" in comparison...Thankfully he developed more confidence and came into his "own" as he got older.Posted 05-22-2013 at 08:38 AM by CArizona
-
"You 'screwed-up' and I'm never going to let you forget it...I'm going to punish you forever and keep you in the 'dog house.'.. I'll make you 'pay' (and 'suffer') for hurting me. And there's nothing you can (ever) say or do to redeem yourself!"...When a relationship gets to this point it's probably best to "split-up." Don't you think?...Otherwise life can become "hell on earth" for everyone involved. (Or a "torture chamber!")Posted 05-22-2013 at 03:33 PM by CArizona
-
Once a friend always a friend! Not necessarily!...Some friendships sort of "fade-away" over time. And other friendships end on a "sour note." (Like couples going through a divorce.)...Some friendships are just a "passing fancy." Nobody sticks around long enough to build a "foundation." Or much of a "bond."...Then there are "long-lost friendships" where people "lose touch" through the years and never "find" each other again. Or just don't want to "bother."...Do you think people come into our life in a "random fashion?" Or do you think we "cross paths" with people for a "reason?" Is there more to it than "meets the eye?"Posted 05-23-2013 at 11:05 AM by CArizona
-
"Same old, same old!"...Nothing "new!" Ruts and routines...Boring!.. Absolutely no "surprises!" (Ever!)..."Re-runs" night after night...No sense expecting the "unexpected!"...Life is all about predictability with nothing left up to "chance."..."Dead-end streets" as far as the eye can see and no "open-highways!"...YUK! It's no fun to live a "shut-down" kind of life!.. No fun to walk around on "automatic pilot" (like a "robot") going from "point A" to "point B" on a "straight and narrow" path. (With no hope of ever experiencing anything "new" or "different!")Posted 05-23-2013 at 04:46 PM by CArizona
-
It's just a "fact of life." Sometimes friends have different (or conflicting) views...I don't think it has to be the "end of the world."... "Differences" can lead to interesting and insightful conversations as long as everyone keeps their "cool." And no one gets "hot-headed." Don't you think?...To me this is all part of growing closer. How can friends get to know each other if everyone is afraid to share his or her beliefs? (Or be honest with each other?)...It's all about being "tolerant" and respectful. (No matter what!)...And the most important thing (to me) is not getting angry or defensive. (Or "flying off the handle!")...I don't expect the whole world to automatically "agree" with me. I know some of my beliefs probably seem "way out there" and "off the wall" compared to "mainstream thinking." So I'm used to being viewed as a "weirdo!" And it's rare for me to run into people who share every single one of my beliefs.Posted 05-23-2013 at 09:23 PM by CArizona
-
When I catch myself being "cranky" or "crabby" I know I must be feeling sorry for myself...Maybe I feel "overworked" and taken "for granted." And this creates a feeling of resentment...Life has become all about chores and responsibilities with few "rewards." So I guess it's normal and natural to feel sorry for myself. But the question is: "What am I going to do about it?"...If I can't put the "work" aside is it possible to change (or alter) my attitude? (So I won't be so miserable?)...Can I take a little more pride in what I'm "doing?" And find pleasure and joy in "something?"...Can I plan some type of "reward" for myself when I finish all my tasks?...If I stay in the "suffering martyr state" I won't be happy. (Just full of resentment.)...And I don't want to take my "woes" (and misery) "out" on the people around me. (Not even my cats!)...So I try to "pull myself together" and get out of my "funk" (as soon as possible) so I won't contribute to the "negative pollution" in the world. (So I won't be "toxic!")...And life is just too short to walk around "mad" and "miserable" all the time. This is how I feel anyway!Posted 05-24-2013 at 09:22 AM by CArizona
-
One of my Aunts felt entitled to "boss" and "order" my sons around when they were small. I had to constantly step-in and tell her to get off her "high-horse."...She was the "baby" in her family of origin and always hated being "last in line."...I'm sure she probably counted the days (and years) until she became an "official adult" so she could act "superior" to anyone who was younger than her. (Including me.)...It all went to her "head!" She definitely felt she deserved to be treated like "royalty!"...My Aunt accomplished a lot in her life through her own "merits." But yet she always fell-back on being the "baby" and "problem child" of the family. She got in "hot-water" (in other words) and had to be "rescued." (Time after time.)...So no one took her "superior act" seriously. And it could be annoying at times...I kept hoping she'd "grow" out of it and become more secure within herself. But she stayed on her "high-horse" until the very end. (Claiming to be "better" and "above" everyone else.)Posted 05-24-2013 at 05:39 PM by CArizona
-
It's sad when relationships end on a "bad note" and the "split" is "final." (With no chance to "regroup" or "grow-beyond" the disagreements or misunderstandings that led to the "break-up.")...I don't want to walk around with a lot of "old baggage" or "unfinished business" in my life. So I'm not one to just "stay mad" and "write" people "off.".. I want to figure out what "went wrong." (From all possible "angles" and "sides.") And this includes trying to "analyze" what I could have done "differently" too...I'm "super-curious!" And I enjoy playing "detective" or ?? I want "answers!"...How can I "go forward" if I can't "make sense" out of what happened in the past?.. It's not my nature to simply label someone "bad" and "stop there!" And "wash my hands" and walk-away...I want to learn and grow from all of my experiences in life and this includes my relationships too. How do you feel about it?Posted 05-25-2013 at 05:11 PM by CArizona
-
At first everything seems "great!" (And intense and all-consuming!) Then BOOM!...It's over just as fast as it started and doesn't really "exist" anymore...There's a "hole" left in place of "what used to be." (At least for some people anyway.)...And other people walk-away and act like there was "nothing there" in the first place...Did it really "mean anything?" Or was it just a "crazy illusion?" Or "mirage?"...Did someone get "taken for a ride" and "fooled?" Or "used?"..Or was it just a matter of recognizing a "bad match" and looking elsewhere for a "better fit?"...When relationships stay on the "casual-side" hearts don't get broken and feelings don't get hurt...It's the intensity (and the "all and everything") and the "promise" of "more to come" that creates a "big void" when everything "crumbles" and turns into "ashes." Don't you think?...Yet some people feel the "loss" and "void" and sadness and others don't "feel much." (Maybe anger but no sadness...Or just boredom and a desire to move on down the "line.")...Relationships can be complicated! And a big "mystery!" Don't you think?Posted 05-26-2013 at 12:59 AM by CArizona
