I caught an old episode of the "Waltons" last night and it brought me back to my childhood. (Back to "simplier" times!)...My Dad used to call my younger son "John Boy" when he was small. My son loved it! (And remembered it all his life.)...You'd never catch my older son watching old reruns of the "Waltons" or "Little House on the Prairie." But my younger son loved watching these shows because they gave him a "window" into the past. And they were about families...My older son took pride in being a "modern" and "with the times" kind of guy! I'm sure he viewed the rest of us as "old grey mares" because we enjoyed telling "tales" from the past. And taking trips down "memory lane."...My younger son "ate" it all "up" and kept begging for "more" when we started sharing stories from the past. He said this gave him a chance to get to know us even "better." And he loved hearing about life back in the "old days."...Both of my sons are gone now along with my husband and parents and everyone else. I am the only "apple" left on my "family tree." Watching the old episode of the "Waltons" last night helped me feel like I was part of a family again. (And this was sure nice!)
Be careful about what you "say!"...Hidden rules and regulations in relationships!
Posted 04-28-2013 at 10:13 AM by CArizona
Are we looking for "yes people" when we hook-up with new friends? (People who will always agree with us?)...Or are we searching for some diversity? And challenges?...I spend most of my time as a loner. (Outside groups.) So everytime I step-out and dare to open my mouth I can come across as an "oddball."...I honestly believe that we have a great deal to learn from each other. But we can "block" new insights and knowledge from "coming in" if we surround ourselves with "like-minded thinkers." ("Birds of the same feather!") How do you feel about it?
Total Comments 153
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"I own you!.. And it's your job to please me and be who I want and expect you to be!"..."If you dare to step out of line I will punish and persecute you and make your life a living hell!"...Why do some people get so caught-up in control?...I grew-up with parents who could be very controlling at times. Sometimes they were "right" to try to stop me from doing certain things...But at other times they became a little "blind-sighted" and even self-righteous..."Control issues" can "make" or "break" a relationship. Don't you think?...I keep reminding myself that I don't really "own" anyone.. No one is on earth to be my "slave." And it's unfair to expect people to spend their days "catering" to me. Or "pleasing me" at the expense of what they might want (or need) for themselves.Posted 05-07-2013 at 12:04 PM by CArizona
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What does it mean to "bury the hatchet?".. Is it about calling a "truce?" And burying all the hurt and anger and "bad feelings" (in the ground) along with the hatchet?...Or is it a quick or "temporary fix" where differences are set-aside for a short period of time?...When a relationship is full of unresolved issues they are bound to pop-up over and over again. And someone may go outside to dig-up the hatchet if things start to get "hot and heavy" again...What does it take to fully resolve an issue and "lay it to rest?" (Forever and ever!)...Maybe it takes a "Fairy Godmother" or a "magic wand?"...Or "holy water" or ??...A "truce" won't "stick" unless everyone is willing to forgive each other and move on to "lasting peace."Posted 05-07-2013 at 08:31 PM by CArizona
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Have you ever felt "bad" (or guilty) for having "negative feelings" towards a friend? I have!...At first I want these feelings to "go away" so I can go back to "feeling nice" and caring and loving etc...I don't want to have "troubling" or suspicious feelings towards a friend. It makes me "feel bad."....But if the feelings keep "gnawing away" at me I'll take some time out (on my own) to try to figure out "what's wrong." (Gain some perspective and understanding.)...And this usually helps.Posted 05-08-2013 at 07:21 AM by CArizona
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Why did the wicked (or evil) witches "hate" characters like "Snow White" or Dorothy from the "Wizard of Oz?"...Why did "Cinderella's" stepmother and stepsisters have such contempt for her?...Some of the fairy-tales mention "beauty" but I think it has more to do with their "goodness." (Their kind and caring natures.)...The so-called "wicked ones" were jealous and envious of them...I don't think anyone walking on earth is "pure goodness." But some people try to hold-on to a "caring nature.".. Even though life has dealt them some "bad cards" at times they try to avoid becoming bitter and cynical and totally "hardened." Have you noticed this?...And no one can really "steal" what they "have" (or "feel") away because it's not something you can "cut-out" or "surgically remove."...It's a choice that some people make (on their own) everyday...A choice to be happy and caring (and full of "wonder") no matter what!Posted 05-08-2013 at 12:02 PM by CArizona
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I had parents who seemed "larger than life" (to me) when I was growing-up...And I'm sure that I probably seemed "larger than life" to my sons at times too...It's not about being perfect. Or never making mistakes...I'm not sure how to describe it but I'll take a "shot."...Both my parents were strong individuals in their own right.. "Self-made" kind of people who did what they wanted. (Versus being a "follower.")...To be honest I didn't feel like an "equal" next to my parents until I was in my early 40's or so...But I finally "made it!" (Better "late" than "never!").. Right??Posted 05-08-2013 at 02:51 PM by CArizona
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If we keep attracting people into our lives who "mess with our head" (and let us down) what does this say about us?...Does this mean that we're a bad "judge of character?"...Or are we simply "unlucky?"...Are we living-out a "script" (or self-fufilling prophecy) that pushes us to "hook-up" with people who end-up "screwing us over?"...What's really going on?...Do we have an "internal mandate" that calls for us to be a "victim?" (Over and over again?)...History is bound to repeat itself if we don't get a "grip" and figure-out why we always seem to end-up in the "same boat."...Don't you think?Posted 05-09-2013 at 07:31 AM by CArizona
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Have you ever seen the TV show "Storage Wars?"...Storage units are auctioned-off when tenants get behind in their rent. And sellers and dealers make bids on the units...The "kicker" is that they only get a small "peek" and can't rummage through the items (in the units) ahead of time...Maybe this is how things "go" in relationships at times too. We get a "small peek" at who someone is during the early-stages. But it takes time to get to know people in-depth. (And see "all sides" to someone.) Don't you think?...First impressions may be wrong and "off-base."Posted 05-09-2013 at 12:11 PM by CArizona
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I'm trying to become more of a "play it by ear" kind of person...All the stuff I've been writing about "control" is having an effect on me...Don't want to be a "control-freak" or "rigid" or horribly "set in my ways," etc...YUK!...I don't want to feel like I "own" anyone...Just want to enjoy my friends. And feel grateful to have them in my life!Posted 05-09-2013 at 07:16 PM by CArizona
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I'm an only child so I didn't grow-up with siblings "above me" or "below me" in age...When I spent time with my cousins or friends I had a chance to watch the "age thing" play-out...In most families the older kids felt they had more "seniority" and more "savvy" and wisdom than their younger brothers and sisters...I'd hear stuff like: "Go away! I don't want to play with you...You're stupid! You're a pest! You're a baby!"...I'd always feel sorry for the younger kids unless they were downright "brats." And I'm sure a lot of them became "brats" or "pests" just to get "even" with their older siblings...It's no fun to be "put-down" all the time. (Based on age differences.)...I didn't consider the younger kids "stupid nothings." But this was the "mindset" in a lot of families. (When parents weren't around to intervene.)Posted 05-10-2013 at 07:06 AM by CArizona
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Some parents try to keep an "upper-hand" with their kids. (No matter how "old" their kids get to be!) Have you noticed this?...My parents tried to "heavily influence" me when I was younger. (This is a "nice way" of putting it!)....I had to force myself to move-away and put some distance between us in order to "break-free." And the move helped all of us. Over time we established "adult-to-adult" relationships. And put the "parent-child" relationship to "rest."...One of my neighbors is a widower and "up in age." (Like me!) But I don't think he ever "broke-free" from his Mother...He said his Mom didn't like any of his wives very much. And his Mom calls him 3 to 4 times each day. (To check on him and offer her advice.)...But it's good that he's not completely "all alone." I wish my Mom (and Dad) were still alive. He's lucky in this respect!Posted 05-10-2013 at 12:22 PM by CArizona
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I usually don't stay mad (at anyone) for too long...After the "dust settles" and my "fussing" and "fuming" is over I remember all the "positives." (All the things I "like" and "miss" about a person.)...Unfortunately some people want to hold on to their anger for a long time. (Maybe even forever.)...But I reach a point where I want to call a "truce" and go back to enjoying the "good parts" and the "plusses" in all of my relationships...And I'm willing to "work" on handling "differences" (and "hot-button issues") in more constructive ways. (If possible.)...It's sad to "lose" someone I care about just because we happen to be "different" in some respects. (And areas.)...My husband and my younger son didn't want to stay mad for long either...We made a good "team." And always "bounced-back" fast. (So we wouldn't "miss-out" on having fun and "good times" together.)Posted 05-11-2013 at 07:25 PM by CArizona
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It's Mother's Day!...I was hoping my cats might bring me breakfast in bed this morning. (With a rose and mushy card on the tray!)...But I guess this is beyond their "scope!" (And always will be.) Oh well!...I'm sure they "would" if they "could!"...They had "Fancy Feast" this morning. Maybe I should try to do a "Fancy Feast" for myself a little later. (With assorted leftovers.) Don't want to "roast" (or "slave") in the kitchen on Mother's Day...What are your plans for the day? I'm going to stop-by and visit my friend and her husband a little later. Their dog had a new puppy!Posted 05-12-2013 at 08:12 AM by CArizona
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Part of the early socialization process seems to involve becoming cynical and less trusting etc...Of course a certain amount of skepticism and discretion is necessary (and needed) to avoid stepping into "pitfalls." (And getting "screwed-over" in life.)...But I think it can all be taken too far...To the point that kids who still have some trust and "wonder" and excitement left inside of them can get "bullied." And labeled "sissies" or "nerds" or "weirdo's" etc...I watched a lot of kids change as they got older. (And it wasn't a positive change.).. They didn't want to "stick-out." Or risk being rejected by their peers...So they "shut-down" a lot of their emotions and became cynical too. (To prove that they were smart and "worldly" and supposedly "all grown-up.")...When I taught preschool I had to step-in and protect kids who didn't want to become cynical from kids who "joined the pack." (This usually involved the older kids.)Posted 05-12-2013 at 10:13 AM by CArizona
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Who is going to be "in-charge?" (The "main boss?")...Who gets to make the decisions?...Some couples definitely play-out what seems like "sibling rivalry" in their marriage. Have you ever noticed this?...There is a sense of competition. Who is going to "win?" And get "their way?" And be "top dog?" (Or not!)...A lot of the "squabbles" remind me of the way brothers and sisters "fight" when they are kids...I guess it's easy to bring our "unfinished business" (or "patterns" or "tendencies" from the past) into our marriage. (Or other adult relationships.)Posted 05-13-2013 at 09:23 AM by CArizona
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I think we can put friends and loved ones through "tests" and "trials" and "hoops" at times. (Without even realizing we're doing it!)...We might "test" for compatibility or loyalty...Or just "proof" of someone's love. (According to how we define and measure love or loyalty etc.)...Have you ever noticed any of this?.. Maybe it's smart to pay attention and "size" people "up" to a certain degree. (To protect ourselves.)...It's just rough when the "tests" and "trials" go on forever due to someone's insecurities and fears about fully trusting anyone.Posted 05-13-2013 at 11:14 AM by CArizona
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How would you define (or describe) a "bond?" What does it take to have a strong bond with someone? (And be "fully-invested?")...When we get married we pledge to stick with our mate through "thick or thin" until one of us dies...But sometimes bonds can "weaken" through the years and love "flies out the window."...Couples split-up and go their separate ways despite their pledge to "stick together" no matter what...Some bonds "live-on" after death. I still feel a strong "connection" to my husband and sons and my parents (and others) even though they all passed-away...A bond keeps bringing us back to people. (Eventually, anyway.)..It's like a "glue" or ??...And when we don't have a bond it's easy to walk-away and keep moving "down the line." Don't you think?Posted 05-13-2013 at 01:26 PM by CArizona
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Basically we all have a culture of our own. Don't you think?...My culture and my ways might seem odd to someone else. (And vica-versa.)..."Culture-clashes" and "differences" can show-up in big ways when people relocate to new states (or regions) or other countries...When a couple gets married they might run into "issues" (at times) due to their conflicting set of "norms."...Parents can get "challenged" when their kids enter school and gain exposure to a "wider-world." (And children from various backgrounds and cultures.)...Some families issue a spoken (or unspoken) mandate to "stick" with your "own kind."...If I tried to get all of my friends under one "roof" (for a party or event) it might play-out like a TV sit-com because my friends come from all "walks of life."...But who knows? My wedding reception turned out okay. And I was surprised (and happy) that so many people "clicked" even though they came from very different "worlds." (And backgrounds.)Posted 05-13-2013 at 07:20 PM by CArizona
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What's required? What's expected?...How am I suppose to "act?" What's my role?...Will I be punished for going "off-script." Or acting "out of character?"...Is there any "wiggle-room" at all? Or is everything pretty much "laid-out" for me and "set in stone?"...Will I be branded a "traitor" or Benedict Arnold if I dare to be my "real/true self" once in awhile? And put the script aside?Posted 05-14-2013 at 07:45 AM by CArizona
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One of my male neighbors started opening-up with me recently about all kinds of things...In the past he used to greet me with "pat one-liners." And never talked about his feelings or "deeper-issues" that affected him...He's really going through some type of "transformation" now... Yesterday he announced that he'll be moving away soon. He's going "back home" to his "roots" and family and former life in the Mid-West...Great that he still has some family members left (and friends) who want him to be "closer."...Anyway our conversations have taken-on an entirely new "tone" recently with much more "substance."...He's not interested in me in a "boyfriend/girlfriend" kind of way so this is nice. (Since I'm not ready to date yet.)...He has a longtime "live-in" ladyfriend and he hopes she will be willing to move away too...She has a lot of disabilities and he serves as her "caregiver." So he definitely doesn't want to leave her here "all alone."Posted 05-14-2013 at 08:11 AM by CArizona
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What seems "perfectly normal" to me may (or may not be) normal to someone else...This is how it "goes" for all of us. Don't you think?...And it's easy to judge other people "bad" or "wrong" or even "stupid" just because they're not "like us." (Sad!)...Why don't we "celebrate differences" a little more? (Versus expecting everyone to be "the same" or nearly "identical?")...I think it's boring to live in a "standardized" and "homogenized" kind of world. (Among "clones!")...How do you feel about it?Posted 05-15-2013 at 09:15 AM by CArizona
