God Making Last Minute Changes To This Year's Flu Virus
Posted 09-22-2009 at 03:49 AM by GCSTroop
Despite some fine craftsmanship on behalf of the folks at places like the Centers for Disease Control and the World Health Organization in providing what is thought to be a most effective flu vaccine this year, it appears that all their efforts may not be enough.
God announced early Tuesday morning that he would be making some last minute changes to the prevalent influenza virus in circulation to make the vaccine which prevents it practically useless.
While the majority of educated people are fooled by the belief that the virus evolves through slight random mutations that offer it a better survival rate, the majority of those who believe in nonsense know that God is actually reprogramming the coding of the viruses in subtle, fashionable form.
Much in the same way that Santa Claus, another mythical creature, monitors children on his "Naughty or Nice" list right up until they go to bed on Christmas Eve, God has been hard at work examining the best way to provide a very effective and deadly virus for the 2009 influenza season. Citing the need for balance and the impending "Rapture," God has decided that eliminating a few tens of thousands of people from the globe this winter will provide for the proper logistics to determine who stays and who goes when his son comes riding a mythical white horse back from the planet Jupiter or something like that.
Refusing to discuss some of the finer intricacies of the flu virus this year, God did say that the only change in symptoms this year from any other year would be severe rectal bleeding. Citing sniveling and whiny human caricatures as becoming too comfortable on such a hostile planet, he decided to import rectal bleeding into this year's flu virus.
However, no changes are in the works for this year's H1N1 (Swine Flu) virus as God is pretty much going to watch one of his latest creations destroy thousands of lives to see how it goes. "Consider it a trial run," he said. "It's kind of like a work of art. You want to gage people's reactions to it and if it's able to grab other people's attention enough, sometimes change isn't needed. Kind of like with SARS and the bird flu. I've pretty much left those out to pasture at this point in time."
The flu virus was not available for interview at the time of this report.
God announced early Tuesday morning that he would be making some last minute changes to the prevalent influenza virus in circulation to make the vaccine which prevents it practically useless.
While the majority of educated people are fooled by the belief that the virus evolves through slight random mutations that offer it a better survival rate, the majority of those who believe in nonsense know that God is actually reprogramming the coding of the viruses in subtle, fashionable form.
Much in the same way that Santa Claus, another mythical creature, monitors children on his "Naughty or Nice" list right up until they go to bed on Christmas Eve, God has been hard at work examining the best way to provide a very effective and deadly virus for the 2009 influenza season. Citing the need for balance and the impending "Rapture," God has decided that eliminating a few tens of thousands of people from the globe this winter will provide for the proper logistics to determine who stays and who goes when his son comes riding a mythical white horse back from the planet Jupiter or something like that.
Refusing to discuss some of the finer intricacies of the flu virus this year, God did say that the only change in symptoms this year from any other year would be severe rectal bleeding. Citing sniveling and whiny human caricatures as becoming too comfortable on such a hostile planet, he decided to import rectal bleeding into this year's flu virus.
However, no changes are in the works for this year's H1N1 (Swine Flu) virus as God is pretty much going to watch one of his latest creations destroy thousands of lives to see how it goes. "Consider it a trial run," he said. "It's kind of like a work of art. You want to gage people's reactions to it and if it's able to grab other people's attention enough, sometimes change isn't needed. Kind of like with SARS and the bird flu. I've pretty much left those out to pasture at this point in time."
The flu virus was not available for interview at the time of this report.
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